Quote:
Originally Posted by
tpapenfuhs 
I was trying to do cup and saucer... Felt like it kept wanting to leap back at me. It was an XD with flush mag, not the extended, so I was also lacking a good place for my little finger,  ... |
While a cup and saucer may work well enough for .22 target shooting is not considered an adequate combat/defensive pistol grip (or at least it hasn't for the past 15 years or so).
Get a firm two handed, both thumbs facing forward towards the threat with your support hand fingers firmly (not death grip) covering your strong hand fingers on the gun.
This applies to both the full sized grips or the smaller "chopped" subcompact gripped guns.
This method will greatly control the recoil compared to the "cup and saucer method" espeically in the area concerning muzzle flip as you now have the mass of both your wrists and forearms as directly behind the recoiling bore axis of the gun as possible.
As stated before pretty much everything will have more felt recoil than a .22LR. If that is all you mostly shoot it may feel even more pronounced.
While 9mm is not a harsh recoiling caliber compared to .40 SW (which is very snappy in a subcomact) or .45 ACP it may feel a tad bit more snappy out of a subcompact frame.
Kaybe mentioned the new M&P Shield. If you can try one in 9mm do so, it is very thin and it comes with a 7 round flush fitting magazine and a slightly longer 8 round extended grip length magazine that lets you get all three fingers on the gun. It is very controllable and comfortable.
The gun is becoming very popular these days. Thin, concealable, light weight, lots of accessories for it, and a decent price (MSRP $499 with 2 mags).
Good luck!