Communications between pilots and the maintenance crew

[Oxford]

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are
some actual logged maintenance complaints by QUANTAS pilots and the corrective
action recorded by mechanics. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.

P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log
S stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.
----------------
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: There is no autoland installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined airplane;
the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed

:nod:

[jerry]

we'd call it a short between the headsets.
Takes a college education to break 'em & a highschool education to fix them.

[Klaus]

Why would a civilian airliner have an IFF transponder?

[jerry]

Klaus,
I originally seen this a couple of years ago refering Military aircraft. Perhaps the version got watered down by the time Oxford got a hold of it.
The only civilian airline I know that may have benefitted from IFF may have been KAL. But, still wouldn't have helped more than likely.

[Dale]

Why is is when something is posted that is intended, solely, to bring a chuckle or a smile someone has to interject with some nonsensical BS?

I guess it's gotten to the point where the CP (Correctness Policeman) will sensor every **** thing. I'm getting **** sick and tired of it, too....and thats fer sure!

Then I guess someone has to THINK they are top dog when in reality they don't even see their own mistakes or shortcomings.

Yes, Oxford, I'm sorry,....as you intended well and are a good sort. I am just too **** weary of those who know it all and will put someone down to prove it (albeit in a round about way) or to make themselves look larger than their mind allows them to be.

And yes, Klaus, it applies to you.

You know, it's about time someone tells you you HAVEN'T lived it all.....live it better....know it all......know it better.......done it all....done it better.....got it all....got one better, etc.

I have NEVER seen one post in here where you have asked for advice (like you didn't know it all) but you sure have ALL of the answers. ALL I have seen from you is know it all......done it all......been everywhere......type remarks.

You needn't look down your nose at me, or anyone for that matter, because, in reallity the majority of people in here are not insecure wussies that will let some school yard bully push them around.

I am getting to the point where I am ready to move it on down the line........I come in for some laughs or knowledge..........only to finds you doing whatever it takes to take the limelight.....let's the air out of peoples' balloons.....or has to always be top dog at EVERYTHING!

Life's experiences are worth more than what some 30 something know it all has to think.

One last bit of advice (as if you will ever accept it) you don't have the corner of being king of the hill.

The admin is liable to get on me about this....but I don't care.

Seems like somethimes I am the only one who has the havos to say something (referring to some of the e mail I have received regarding the same issue).

So, admin, please don't ask me to resort to PM for this kind of post since it's time everyone sees the truth....not just someone receiving a message and ignoring it.

The result of this post will determine if I stay or if I go. Whatever, it will be my choice and not someone trying to establish supremecy on the beach.

For all you other guys, and gals, I apologize........I just feel there are times when it IS appropriate for a public forum and this is one of those times.

And, I look at it this way, if you don't want someone to eventually yell, 'fire' then don't strike the match.

[Oxford]

Dale:

I agree with your statement. These posts aren't put here for serious debate. They're intended as humor. Hell...we can debate facts all day long in another forum.

Oxford :nod:

[NRAJOE]

Whew... :right:

[jerry]

Klaus is Klaus,
My way of standing up for Oxford.
If it was that easy, my wife and Mom wouldn't be fighting

[Oxford]

Thanks Jerry. I've walked off from the computer for a while this afternoon and calmed down. My apologies for getting bent a little out of shape. My goal was and still is to enjoy these humor posts and leave it at that.

For serious stuff I usually drop over to one of the other forums. I've been away from the forum for a few days so guess I'll have to ease back into these posts. Everyone here has a different degree of a sense of humor and it's difficult to deal with that over the computer. However, I've got a pretty good idea who does and who doesn't have one.

Oxford :nod:

[Klaus]

Dale:
My questions and remarks were not nonsesical or BS.
I have no idea why you imagined "You know, it's about time someone tells you you HAVEN'T lived it all.....live it better....know it all......know it better.......done it all....done it better.....got it all....got one better, etc."
I have never made those claims, except maybe in a semi-humorous reference to large caliber pistols. I have never met you , so don't try to say I "look down your nose at me". If you have not seen me ask for advice, tough; it is your own problem.

[alan c.]

This is a humor forum--what is the problem. Its too bad we all don't live in the same city or it would be High Noon and you would lose. Not braggin just fact.

[Dale]

Not my problem Klaus......strictly yours guy.

When someone does ask for advice 99 times out of 100 you give criticism anyway; either directly or in an indirect snide way.

That's as far as I am going with it......I'll not buy into your stuff anymore....fer sure. Not worth my time.........yepper.

Not sure I'd wanna meet you anyway. I take that back....I'm sure I wouldn't.

[alan c.]

Dale and Klaus I enjoy both of your postings. Dale for your sincere wisdom. Klaus for your technical scientific self. God Bless you both.

[NRAJOE]

You should be a mediator alan! :right:

[oneastrix]

For what it's worth, I enjoyed the post about the pilots vs the mechanics. Heck I LMAO'd.

Dale, I sure don't want ya to leave the forum. You're far to valuable to us...