I am in need of some advice

genwinters · 03-27-2008, 08:29 PM

Ok one of my friends smoked some pot in the past week or so, I confront him about it, asking why he did it. He says because he wanted to have some fun, but i know he is stressed out and is having trouble. Well I was talking to him about it and he blew up in my face saying I was a terrible friend and that I always tried to preach to him. I am really at a loss here, any advice?

Brother Bob · 03-27-2008, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by genwinters

Ok one of my friends smoked some pot in the past week or so, I confront him about it, asking why he did it. He says because he wanted to have some fun, but i know he is stressed out and is having trouble. Well I was talking to him about it and he blew up in my face saying I was a terrible friend and that I always tried to preach to him. I am really at a loss here, any advice?

If you were that terrible of a friend, you wouldn't care what he did. Let him cool off and soon he'll realize just how blessed he is to have a friend like you.

GlockMeister · 03-27-2008, 08:38 PM

lefty o · 03-27-2008, 09:04 PM

drugs are bad! walk away for a while, its his choice, dope or his friend.

genwinters · 03-27-2008, 09:17 PM

yeah i pretty much just said take the drugs or my friendship and he told me to buzz off

Long Shanks · 03-27-2008, 09:26 PM

You did the right thing. As a friend you confronted him about a problem. Thats all you can do for now. Don't let it become your probem too. He is the one that needs to do the right thing.

Brother Bob · 03-27-2008, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by genwinters

yeah i pretty much just said take the drugs or my friendship and he told me to buzz off

I think your buddy needs help. It's your call as to how involved you get with his problems. Call his parents or siblings and ask them to get involved. It's your call, but don't endanger your life and wellfare. Be careful and tread slowly.

toolman · 03-27-2008, 09:32 PM

No-one likes to be told they're doing wrong, but sometimes it needs to be done-that's what friends are for.

GlockMeister · 03-27-2008, 09:37 PM

Just be glad you didn't find this out while out shooting with him one day and on the ride home you got pulled over. Cops finding drugs of any kind with guns tend to bring down the hammer. Better it to happen this way then that. Not trying to sound cold. Just looking at it from the outside in is all. Also, there will come a time when he hits rock bottom. Be there for them then. Trust me, he will hit bottom, no way of knowing when, but definately will hit it, then there's only one way to go, and that's up...

elmer fudd · 03-27-2008, 09:37 PM

looks like these guys know what they are talking about i agree with all of them

genwinters · 03-27-2008, 09:47 PM

yeah, it just hurts a little to have a close friend say you are a terrible friend. Its just a waiting game now. he says he doesnt want to stop, i guess thats his choice. He used to say that he would never do drugs, he said he wouldnt do alot of things but he did anyway, I want some friends who have some back bone or moral fiber left

The_Patriot · 03-28-2008, 12:05 AM

Tough one.

I guess I would assess how close of a friend this was.

If he were close--like brother close--I'd probably smack some sense into him and flush all his pot down the toilet. He's got to know that those that love him don't want to see him fudge up his life. I'd tell everyone (parents, girlfriend, wife, employer, etc) that knows him what I knew. I would bring as much embarrassment and pressure as I could muster. I wouldn't care if he hated me, chances are, one day he'll recognize that I was trying to help and thank me for it. If it never changed his behavior, I could at least sleep at night knowing I did the right thing in trying to help.

If we weren't that close, I'd probably make him aware of my feelings and let him sort it out. I'd tell him that I won't be around anymore if he's taking drugs. He can decide what he wants and I'd live with it.

I bet, sooner or later, this thread will turn into a whole drug/anti-drug argument of some sort. I'll fire the first volley. I think drugs--ANY drugs--lead to more dangerous drugs and dangerous behavior. I think some can handle "recreational" aspects of drugs, but it's obvious that a significant percentage of drug users cannot. Millions have ruined their lives by getting high. The ed-u-mecated pothead type will try to contradict the facts, but I believe DEA studies have shown that there are gateway aspects to drug use. Not all go on to be hardcore heroin addicts, but some do...and if you're taking ANY drugs, your odds of REALLY fudging up your life are greatly increased in that regard. Oh, yea, and there's the other fact--THEY ARE ILLEGAL!

I've never taken illegal drugs and I don't tolerate anyone in my life that does. And I think Alcohol is about as bad...devestating effects on millions that can't control their use. The whole substance abuse issue-legal or illegal--is very sad. The only way we'll ever win a drug war is to end demand. Supply will always be there as long as someone has the cash.

I'm happy that you're even writing about this...it shows that you care for your friend. If more friends cared about each other enough to try to change dangerous behavior, the world would be a much better place.

Best of luck.

STITCH · 03-28-2008, 12:33 AM

Dude I wouldnt let it get to you. I did the same thing with my friend, except for it was with coke. I had to just let him cool off for a little while. Then I went back and just acted like nothin is wrong. I know drugs are bad and I would never do them. But sometimes people need to learn from there own mistakes. Case in point that is what my friend did and now we are talkin again. Dont sweat it man he will realise after a little while. trust me.

Cyrano · 03-28-2008, 01:04 AM

genwinters, sometimes you've got to hurt someone a bit to help them. You've just metaphorically smacked him across the chops to get his attention. You've told him something he probably didn't want to hear. He's walked away from you, and that's his choice.

Give him a while to calm down and reevaluate his position. If he realizes he behaved like an ass, he'll gradually ease back into being friendly with you, or a friend. Don't expect an apology. Unless he gets into a 12 step program, and he doesn't sound like he's anywhere near needing that yet, it's unlikely he'll apologize. He may, a couple of months from now, obliquely refer ot it and say, "You were right." But that's as close as any teenager can come to apologizing for savaging a buddy.

If he doesn't come back but continues to spiral down, you're going to have to separate from him, given what you want to do when you graduate from high school. You may have to decide if you want to be there for him when he hits bottom. By that, I mean being willing to listen and offer advice, maybe help him line something up, not give him a place to stay while he tried to get his act together. And yes, I know that sound kind of gritty. But that's the way it is in the real world. Solutions aren't always neat. They're seldom in black and white. They tend to be messy and very much in shades of gray. (You'd be astonished how old some people are when they finally figure that out!)

You may be called on in the next few months to make some hard choices. Welcome to adulthood. Having to make hard choices is what it's all about. I hope for his sake he gets himself squared away. I hope for yours you don't take any emotional harm while he's floundering. Keep us advised. It does help to talk.

billy · 03-28-2008, 01:22 AM

his choice .
his life.
people have been getting intoxicated on one thing or another as long as human beings have existed.
i dont get high on anything but far be it from me to tell someone else what to do.

nathangdad · 03-28-2008, 01:30 AM

Be firm. Be honest. Be strong. Be ready to walk away if your friend does not see the light.

Do not become an enabler either by word, deed, or passive submission to the acts of another.

Hopefully it will not happen, but if the smoker screws up legally or winds up in the emergency room your actions will suddenly seem honorable.

billy · 03-28-2008, 01:59 AM

the E.R. from potsmoking?
dont be silly.
millions upon millions of people smoked pot with no ill effects.
beer is worse .
i dont condone either one but lets be sensible here.
spreading lies doesnt do anybody any good.

25 ,000,000 people smoked pot in 2003

in the u.s.

stalebiscuit · 03-28-2008, 09:28 AM

pot is not a huge deal, you aint a bad friend for caring about him though, just
tip toe around him if hes that stressed but dont give up on him

lorcin25 · 03-28-2008, 09:30 AM

Remember that the truth without love is brutality. You have to speak the truth in love. Once he knows he loves you and THAT is why you are "preaching" to him, he will respect you and possibly love you in return for speaking out.

BunnyWabbit · 03-28-2008, 10:21 AM

Okay, Psychology 101. Something in this guy's life is making him do drugs. He is wanting to withdraw from something, whether it's school, work, a girl, his parents, etc. The list can go on and on. When you find out what that is, then it will be easier to help him deal with his problems.

03-27-2008, 08:29 PM	#1
genwinters Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Plymouth, MI Posts: 310	I am in need of some advice Ok one of my friends smoked some pot in the past week or so, I confront him about it, asking why he did it. He says because he wanted to have some fun, but i know he is stressed out and is having trouble. Well I was talking to him about it and he blew up in my face saying I was a terrible friend and that I always tried to preach to him. I am really at a loss here, any advice?

03-27-2008, 08:38 PM	#3
GlockMeister Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Northern Illinois Posts: 6,307	+1 __________________ I'd rather be tried by 12 than carried by 6!

03-27-2008, 09:32 PM	#8
toolman Mr. Fixit Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: abilene,tx Posts: 5,872 Blog Entries: 24	No-one likes to be told they're doing wrong, but sometimes it needs to be done-that's what friends are for. __________________ cosmoline is an aphrodisiac!

03-27-2008, 09:37 PM	#9
GlockMeister Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Northern Illinois Posts: 6,307	Just be glad you didn't find this out while out shooting with him one day and on the ride home you got pulled over. Cops finding drugs of any kind with guns tend to bring down the hammer. Better it to happen this way then that. Not trying to sound cold. Just looking at it from the outside in is all. Also, there will come a time when he hits rock bottom. Be there for them then. Trust me, he will hit bottom, no way of knowing when, but definately will hit it, then there's only one way to go, and that's up... __________________ I'd rather be tried by 12 than carried by 6!

03-27-2008, 09:37 PM	#10
elmer fudd Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: pheasant country USA! Posts: 2,033	looks like these guys know what they are talking about i agree with all of them __________________ spur hard, shoot straight, party hardy!

03-27-2008, 09:04 PM	#4
lefty o Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: mn Posts: 5,116	drugs are bad! walk away for a while, its his choice, dope or his friend.

03-27-2008, 09:17 PM	#5
genwinters Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Plymouth, MI Posts: 310	yeah i pretty much just said take the drugs or my friendship and he told me to buzz off

03-27-2008, 09:26 PM	#6
Long Shanks Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 141	You did the right thing. As a friend you confronted him about a problem. Thats all you can do for now. Don't let it become your probem too. He is the one that needs to do the right thing.

03-27-2008, 09:47 PM	#11
genwinters Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Plymouth, MI Posts: 310	yeah, it just hurts a little to have a close friend say you are a terrible friend. Its just a waiting game now. he says he doesnt want to stop, i guess thats his choice. He used to say that he would never do drugs, he said he wouldnt do alot of things but he did anyway, I want some friends who have some back bone or moral fiber left

03-28-2008, 12:05 AM	#12
The_Patriot Right Wing Nutjob Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Behind Enemy Lines...Ohio..GO BLUE! Posts: 542	Tough one. I guess I would assess how close of a friend this was. If he were close--like brother close--I'd probably smack some sense into him and flush all his pot down the toilet. He's got to know that those that love him don't want to see him fudge up his life. I'd tell everyone (parents, girlfriend, wife, employer, etc) that knows him what I knew. I would bring as much embarrassment and pressure as I could muster. I wouldn't care if he hated me, chances are, one day he'll recognize that I was trying to help and thank me for it. If it never changed his behavior, I could at least sleep at night knowing I did the right thing in trying to help. If we weren't that close, I'd probably make him aware of my feelings and let him sort it out. I'd tell him that I won't be around anymore if he's taking drugs. He can decide what he wants and I'd live with it. I bet, sooner or later, this thread will turn into a whole drug/anti-drug argument of some sort. I'll fire the first volley. I think drugs--ANY drugs--lead to more dangerous drugs and dangerous behavior. I think some can handle "recreational" aspects of drugs, but it's obvious that a significant percentage of drug users cannot. Millions have ruined their lives by getting high. The ed-u-mecated pothead type will try to contradict the facts, but I believe DEA studies have shown that there are gateway aspects to drug use. Not all go on to be hardcore heroin addicts, but some do...and if you're taking ANY drugs, your odds of REALLY fudging up your life are greatly increased in that regard. Oh, yea, and there's the other fact--THEY ARE ILLEGAL! I've never taken illegal drugs and I don't tolerate anyone in my life that does. And I think Alcohol is about as bad...devestating effects on millions that can't control their use. The whole substance abuse issue-legal or illegal--is very sad. The only way we'll ever win a drug war is to end demand. Supply will always be there as long as someone has the cash. I'm happy that you're even writing about this...it shows that you care for your friend. If more friends cared about each other enough to try to change dangerous behavior, the world would be a much better place. Best of luck. __________________ "If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace." Tom Paine 1776

03-28-2008, 12:33 AM	#13
STITCH Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Missouri Posts: 114	Dude I wouldnt let it get to you. I did the same thing with my friend, except for it was with coke. I had to just let him cool off for a little while. Then I went back and just acted like nothin is wrong. I know drugs are bad and I would never do them. But sometimes people need to learn from there own mistakes. Case in point that is what my friend did and now we are talkin again. Dont sweat it man he will realise after a little while. trust me.

03-28-2008, 01:04 AM	#14
Cyrano Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: New York Posts: 3,057	genwinters, sometimes you've got to hurt someone a bit to help them. You've just metaphorically smacked him across the chops to get his attention. You've told him something he probably didn't want to hear. He's walked away from you, and that's his choice. Give him a while to calm down and reevaluate his position. If he realizes he behaved like an ass, he'll gradually ease back into being friendly with you, or a friend. Don't expect an apology. Unless he gets into a 12 step program, and he doesn't sound like he's anywhere near needing that yet, it's unlikely he'll apologize. He may, a couple of months from now, obliquely refer ot it and say, "You were right." But that's as close as any teenager can come to apologizing for savaging a buddy. If he doesn't come back but continues to spiral down, you're going to have to separate from him, given what you want to do when you graduate from high school. You may have to decide if you want to be there for him when he hits bottom. By that, I mean being willing to listen and offer advice, maybe help him line something up, not give him a place to stay while he tried to get his act together. And yes, I know that sound kind of gritty. But that's the way it is in the real world. Solutions aren't always neat. They're seldom in black and white. They tend to be messy and very much in shades of gray. (You'd be astonished how old some people are when they finally figure that out!) You may be called on in the next few months to make some hard choices. Welcome to adulthood. Having to make hard choices is what it's all about. I hope for his sake he gets himself squared away. I hope for yours you don't take any emotional harm while he's floundering. Keep us advised. It does help to talk.

03-28-2008, 01:22 AM	#15
billy spiritual counselor Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: a secret lab on the shores of lake titicaca Posts: 14,432 Images: 9 Blog Entries: 154	his choice . his life. people have been getting intoxicated on one thing or another as long as human beings have existed. i dont get high on anything but far be it from me to tell someone else what to do. __________________ "I would never die for my beliefs because what if I'm wrong?"- Bertrand Russell

03-28-2008, 01:30 AM	#16
nathangdad Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2,943	Yes Be firm. Be honest. Be strong. Be ready to walk away if your friend does not see the light. Do not become an enabler either by word, deed, or passive submission to the acts of another. Hopefully it will not happen, but if the smoker screws up legally or winds up in the emergency room your actions will suddenly seem honorable.

03-28-2008, 01:59 AM	#17
billy spiritual counselor Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: a secret lab on the shores of lake titicaca Posts: 14,432 Images: 9 Blog Entries: 154	the E.R. from potsmoking? dont be silly. millions upon millions of people smoked pot with no ill effects. beer is worse . i dont condone either one but lets be sensible here. spreading lies doesnt do anybody any good. 25 ,000,000 people smoked pot in 2003 in the u.s. __________________ "I would never die for my beliefs because what if I'm wrong?"- Bertrand Russell Last edited by billy; 03-28-2008 at 02:08 AM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

03-28-2008, 09:28 AM	#18
stalebiscuit Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: atlanta, but much rather be in valdosta Posts: 1,805	pot is not a huge deal, you aint a bad friend for caring about him though, just tip toe around him if hes that stressed but dont give up on him

03-28-2008, 09:30 AM	#19
lorcin25 Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Alabama Posts: 291	Remember that the truth without love is brutality. You have to speak the truth in love. Once he knows he loves you and THAT is why you are "preaching" to him, he will respect you and possibly love you in return for speaking out.

03-28-2008, 10:21 AM	#20
BunnyWabbit Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Jayhawk Country Posts: 1,718	Okay, Psychology 101. Something in this guy's life is making him do drugs. He is wanting to withdraw from something, whether it's school, work, a girl, his parents, etc. The list can go on and on. When you find out what that is, then it will be easier to help him deal with his problems.