Jokes
Posted 04-10-2008 at 06:48 AM by irish murphy
I should not tell jokes in the humour forum.The fun police find the need to explain rules i have already seen.I didnt think the joke was rude at all.If you want rude i could curl your toes.
Total Comments 14
Comments
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I want to hear the joke!Posted 04-10-2008 at 10:19 PM by toolman
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There is only one rule...the joke must not suck.Posted 04-10-2008 at 11:41 PM by TexasT - Ill type it in again this arvo,i have to go to work this morning.Posted 04-11-2008 at 06:00 PM by irish murphy
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what is an arvo?Posted 04-11-2008 at 06:14 PM by billy - Obviously sometime after this morning haha.Posted 04-12-2008 at 01:14 AM by TexasT
- Texas T has it billy,its the afternoon.We call it arvo.Like when im on chat and say im going to make a sanga.It means im going to make a sandwich.Posted 04-12-2008 at 04:11 PM by irish murphy
- Here is the joke that FS0008 thought i needed the rules read to me for.
Kylie minogue robbie williams and elton john were walking across a bridge in london.Kylie trips and slips over and gets her head stuck in the railing on the bridge.Robbie sees his chance and runs over and starts plugging kylie from behind.After a couple minutes he is done and turns to elton and says hey your turn elton.Elton starts to cry.Robbie asks,hey whats wrong elton.elton replies
MY HEAD WONT FIT BETWEEN THE BARS.
hahahhahhahhahahahhahaahhahhahahhaPosted 04-12-2008 at 04:19 PM by irish murphy - that aint that bad......
you and i both know worse tim......Posted 04-12-2008 at 04:32 PM by billy - Yeah i know mate,but someone decided i needed the rules read to me for it.Posted 04-12-2008 at 05:03 PM by irish murphy
- Here is one i really liked.Its from a comedian called King Billy Coke Bottle.
Billy and morten get ship wrecked.Marooned on this island.Billy says well we have to eat,lets go find some food.You go that way morten ill go this way.
They meet back on the beach in an hour or so and morten comes out of the bush dragging this pigmy by the toe,Billy screams MORTEN,what you doing with that pigmy.Morten replies we gona eat him mate.Billy says you cant do that.Morten says well he would eat us.So they put him on the spit.Morten says what you got billy.Ive got some yams we gona make some chips.
So they get a fire going and they have the pigmy on the spit turning real slow and the fat is dripping off onto the chips making them all golden brown.Billy says hey MORTEN ive got a call of nature ive got to go into the bush.You make sure you turn that pigmy real slow.Ok.
Billy comes back and mortens got the pigmy going flat out on the spit.Billy yells,MORTEN YOU GOTA TURN HIM SLOW.Morten says BULLSHIT,everytime i turn the him slow the little bastard pinches a chip.Posted 04-12-2008 at 05:16 PM by irish murphy - Morten is down at the local estuary when a fisheries inspector catches morten with an undersized mudcrab.MORTEN,what are you doing with that undersized mudcrab.See this mudcrab,isnt any normal mudcrab.Its my pet.I bring him down here for a swim everyday.Bullshit the fisheries inspector says.Show me.Morten slips the mudcrab into the water and they wait.Ten minutes goes by and the inspetor says where this pet mudcrab of yours morten.Morten says what mudcrab.Posted 04-12-2008 at 06:11 PM by irish murphy
- Thursday, 14 February 2002
THE FOSTERS AD DURING THE OLYMPICS
I don't have a kangaroo for a pet
I don't wrestle with crocodiles And I don't wear a cork hat
I fight wars but never start wars I would rather make peace
I can wear my country's flag with pride
I am a rock I am the ocean I am the island continent
My neighbours are the Smiths, the Wilson's, the Santerellis,
the De Costis, the Wong's and the Jakamarras
I play football without a helmet
I like beetroot on my hamburger
I ride in the front seat of the taxi
I believe it's a prawn not a shrimp
I believe the world is round and down under is on top
I believe Australia is the best address on Earth
And Australians brew the best beer.
now..... THE REAL AUSSIE
I ate my pet Kangaroo
I am shit scared of crocodiles And I wear a baseball cap
I love star wars And the wookie is my favourite
I would rather get pissed
And watch someone else carry the country's flag with pride
I like to rock to Billy Ocean
I am blind to my incompetence
My neighbours are the Smith's, the Wilson's, the Wogs, the Lebs,
the Chinks and the Abo's
I watch football with a tinnie
I take the beetroot off my hamburgers...
And throw Macca's pickles on windows
I do runners from taxis
I believe the world is flat And Australia is f******* miles away from anywhere
I believe Australia is the best address on earth
And Australians brew the best beer
And that's why we never touch Fosters...
We export that s***.Posted 04-12-2008 at 06:32 PM by irish murphy -
Australian SAS
[RIGHT][/RIGHT]
A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune.
"One Australian SAS soldier is better than ten Taliban".
The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice then calls out "One Australian SAS soldier is better than one hundred Taliban".
Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The Australian voice calls out again "One Australian SAS soldier is better than one thousand Taliban".
The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, it's a trap, ...there's actually two of them."Posted 04-12-2008 at 06:36 PM by irish murphy -
Oh geezus, Irish, you need to publish a book of aussie jokes!LMAO! Keep'em coming.Posted 04-13-2008 at 06:40 PM by Seabeescotty
