The Nerve of Some People
Posted 10-16-2007 at 04:27 PM by TexasT
Some people frickin piss me off with their sense of entitlement. And I don't even know if entitlement is the correct way to describe it, but it pisses me off. I haven't told many people because I am just now getting past the unreality of the whole situation, but my grandma passed away Saturday night. I love her dearly and I was very close to her so it was hard for me to deal with the blow of losing her. I have never really lost anyone that close to me until now so I didn't know how I would grieve. Apparently I like to sort things out in my head and reflect on good times and not be touched or spoken to about my loved one (pretty typical of me anyway). I don't want anybody's pity, but I do appreciate and accept peoples kind gestures/words even though it's hard for me to digest them without breaking down into tears. I'd much rather be left alone until I'm ready to face the world again.
People say and do what they think is right in these situations. Who really knows how to approach someone who has just experienced the death of a loved on? We all say the same thing because we think it's a gentle, appropriate approach to dealing with that person - "I'm sorry to hear about your loss." "Let me know if I can do anything for you." "I will pray for you." Don't get me wrong these are all very nice words and I appreciate them. That is partially because I know they don't know what to say and partially because they thought enough to say something. So I won't reject those gestures.
I had a "friend" that I told about my grandma's passing. That "friend" was very nice and said nice things and called to check up on me even though I was not accepting calls at the time. I thanked that person for the prayers and and told them I appreciated kind words and checking up on me. I also told that person that I was having a hard time and I do better with limited interaction because I break down when ppl say things to me. I appreciate it, but I can't deal with it this week. That person proceeded to make the situation about them and say "ok...I tried." WTF does that mean? You tried? You tried to say nice things but since you didn't get the response you wanted then screw me and what I'm going through? Who says that?
Does that person think I should kiss their feet because they're being nice to me? And if they think that then their words were not sincere to begin with. I just wanted to vent because I thought that was really messed up. I'm trying to focus on my grandmother and they want the focus on them.
/rant
People say and do what they think is right in these situations. Who really knows how to approach someone who has just experienced the death of a loved on? We all say the same thing because we think it's a gentle, appropriate approach to dealing with that person - "I'm sorry to hear about your loss." "Let me know if I can do anything for you." "I will pray for you." Don't get me wrong these are all very nice words and I appreciate them. That is partially because I know they don't know what to say and partially because they thought enough to say something. So I won't reject those gestures.
I had a "friend" that I told about my grandma's passing. That "friend" was very nice and said nice things and called to check up on me even though I was not accepting calls at the time. I thanked that person for the prayers and and told them I appreciated kind words and checking up on me. I also told that person that I was having a hard time and I do better with limited interaction because I break down when ppl say things to me. I appreciate it, but I can't deal with it this week. That person proceeded to make the situation about them and say "ok...I tried." WTF does that mean? You tried? You tried to say nice things but since you didn't get the response you wanted then screw me and what I'm going through? Who says that?
Does that person think I should kiss their feet because they're being nice to me? And if they think that then their words were not sincere to begin with. I just wanted to vent because I thought that was really messed up. I'm trying to focus on my grandmother and they want the focus on them.
/rant
Total Comments 11
Comments
 | Good Intentions.God Bless Grandma's I am sad to hear of your loss. I am waiting for the day that I will see my dad, grandmother and grandad in heaven. Just wade through the good intentions of other people. Time heals everything. I should know.When a person says they will pray for you they mean that God will comfort you during your grief. Been there done that. But I was happy that my grandma left this world of pain and went home to a better place You will be fine. When it happened to me I just wanted quiet time. Just remember if it was turned around. God Bless you Texas T. |
  Updated 10-16-2007 at 10:34 PM by alan c. |
| |  Thank you Alan. I am at least relieved by the fact that she does not have to suffer through any more medical problems and pain. I've always felt comfort in that. And what I did want for a few days was quiet time because I was not ready to face the world. |
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| | Bless your heart. My wife and I wish you well. |
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| |  TexasT, I know where you're coming from. I have lost all of my close family and am the last of six brothers & sisters. I was the youngest and now I'm all that's left. I told you that to tell you this, I have learned that there is a process you must go through when you lose someone dear to you. We each have to find our way that works for us. That's why so many times our friends or other family members seem to say the wrong thing. They simply don't understand because they are not going through what your are. You must forgive them and understand that good intentions are not a guarentee of wisdom. I can only offer this to maybe help you in your grieving process. Your grandmother is with the Lord in all probabilty(I assume you would not love her so much if she was not a good person) and if you can find a way to be happy for her it will make it easier to live with. Your loss will never go away comepletly but with time you can learn to get on with your life and hold those memories that you treasure most close to your heart and know that as long as there is a God, your Grandmother is still with you in your heart. God Bless and good luck, don't be too hard on others cause they will not understand but they still care. Your friend, Snuffy |
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| | Thanks Snuffy. That's just the thing. That person has lost a loved one. I don't. I just don't understand ppl sometimes. I say "I appreciate what you're doing but please respect my wishes at let me grieve my way" he essentially says "screw you if you don't want to lean on my shoulders then I don't care". And I never said that. I mean I guess nobody can ever get used to losing a loved one. And I don't expect ppl to say the "correct" things because I don't believe there is a forumla of things one can say. But to say "ok I tried" is pretty heartless for anybody to say. I am glad that she doesn't have to suffer anymore. That's one of the only things that's keeping me sane to know that. But sometimes I want one last hug or one last kiss or to say I love you one last time. That's the hardest part. |
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| | Your right TT, that is the hardest part. However, don't beat yourself up for being human. I once had a minister tell me, "If we were perfect, we would be happy and singing praises that our loved one is with the Lord, but none of us is perfect ." Your friend that hurt you by not being understanding is the one who really loses in the whole thing. I'm assuming that your friend is a male(could be wrong). Sometimes we men have a hard time expressing ourselves and we want to be the rock and our ego gets pricked when the world doesn't rush to us for help. I took a long time to learn the little about life that I know, (sixty-five years) and I know folks that would argue with me about that. lol Hang in there, things will get better, I promise. Snuffy |
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| | Yeah. Who knows what he meant. That guy is a mystery. I am at peace with the fact that she is at peace and not suffering. That's what's holding it together for me. I want to be mad at the doctors or nurses but I can't. I know it wasn't their decision. |
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| |  TT the picture in my avatar is my grandfather. He was an amateur rockhound and traveled alot. He did what grandfathers do and told great stories. The coolest stuff I got from him is his rocks. The only regret I have is not being with him when he collected them because I got some interesting stuff. It hurts now but soon the sadness will pass and you'll apreciate the time you had with her. |
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| |  TexasT you have our deepest condolences on you loss. We all grieve in our own way, in our own time and shouldn't be judged. I lost my dad almost two years ago. He was 94 and died peacefully in his sleep. What more could a person ask for? Time doesn't heal all wounds but the scarring makes the pain easier to live with. Take time to heal, be at peace and know that others care. |
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| |  sorry Texas t . |
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| | Wait until the "Are you alright?" and "I'm soooo sorry." is follow by family and friends asking what they can have of the estate if you're ever appointed the executor. The "sympathy" turns to anger really quickly. |
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