How to buy a handgun for my wife/significant other

Jay · 10-31-2009, 06:19 AM

Thoughts about……..”What firearm should I buy for my wife/significant other… OR FOR ME??”

I regularly post to buy a firearm like you buy shoes. I use that analogy because everyone’s feet are different, re shoes…. as are their hands different, re firearms. I happen to like Merrell shoes, but I’m not about to suggest that everyone looking for shoes go buy Merrell shoes. Everyone has to decide for themselves how a particular shoe fits. I know generally what kind of shoes my wife likes, but I’d not stretch that knowledge so far as to guess at what handgun is comfortable for her hands. There are some here who say it doesn’t matter how a gun feels in your hands, that you can learn to shoot anything. Perhaps that’s true, but over the years, I’ve seen that not to be true with the majority of new shooters. A good shooter, can usually do well with an “uncomfortable” firearm, but new shooters tend to do better with one that “feels right” in their hands. Besides, if you buy a pair of shoes for someone, and they don’t like the fit, you can usually return ‘em. Firearms don’t normally work that way. If you guess wrong, you’ll usually lose money on the re-sale, or trade-in. I think we would do well not to use a physical description ( “my wife is a tiny thing and couldn’t handle a large caliber…..”) as a basis for suggesting which firearm someone else should buy for their wife/girl friend. Many folks here got irate when a gun shop owner suggested that a 1911 was too much gun for a woman…… yet those same folks here rush to suggest a “wheel gun for a lady”, or “she’ll love the light weight of this airweight.” Probably 60% of the ladies I’ve taught to shoot, and keep a firearm in their home, have chosen a 1911 variant. The key point here is, THEY CHOSE IT, after shooting it…. And they’re very happy with it. There are trade-offs to any handgun purchase….. less weight = more perceived recoil….. longer barrel = longer sight radius = potentially better accuracy….. more weight = less perceived recoil = more weight to carry….. and on, and on, and on….. Many of those trade-offs are important to some, and unimportant to others, but it’s not my place to assume who those trade-offs apply to. Touchy point…… I don’t believe that caliber is all that important to a new shooter. Too much caliber, too soon, may scare a new shooter away. I teach basics with .22 LR firearms. If a shooter’s given choice of technique allows them to place their shots on their selected target, proper technique will lend itself to effective recoil management, and allow the proficient use of virtually any caliber.

Sure, it’s nice to be able to shoot a particular firearm before you buy it, but not always possible. Many times, however, it is possible to handle many firearms and be able to get some idea whether or not one likes the way a given firearm feels in their hands, and I think that’s the best way to start. I’ve offered many times on INGO to let folks shoot what firearms I have, and have access to….in order to enable them to make a more enlightened choice when it’s time to lay down the money. Everyone who has taken me up on my offer has benefited from the outing, and has either solidified their choice, or they’ve changed their minds and chosen a different firearm. I’d like to see all of us make a similar offer to all new shooters. It would bring our shooting community closer together, and tend to retain shooters by helping them to be pleased with their first purchase.
Just my two cents, as always….. thanks for the opportunity to shoot my mouth off.

TACAV · 10-31-2009, 08:19 AM

I agree, being able to shoot a firearm and try before you buy is much better than just holding one in the store. Thats about as useful as walking into a car dealer and perusing the selections without actually taking one for a test drive.

As for the people "who rush to suggest a wheel gun for a lady"...

To qoute James Yeager,

Quote:

Men go into gun shops all of the time looking for a gun for their wife. Sometimes the wife is in tow and sometimes not. It wouldn't make a difference anyway because they typically don't have any input.

The husband wants to buy her a revolver because he doesn't think she can operate a semi-auto. If he does buy her a semi-auto it is usually "cute" instead of effective. More often than not she ends of with a .38 revolver because it is "simple".

I laugh at these husbands and I feel sorry for the wives.

Women can drive a car and operate the gas, brakes, steering, signals, lights and radio while at the same time applying make-up and talking on a cell phone...and they are too stupid to work a trigger and slide?

Give me a break.

Women educate yourself and buy your own gun.

TXplt · 10-31-2009, 09:46 AM

Thanks, Jay--excellent post.

Fit and feel of a gun for shooting are so important, and that is why it is important for someone to try the gun out for themselves. Keep in mind that a gun's fit can be improved by aftermarket grips in some cases as well (if you end up in the less-than-optimal situation where you wind up with a gun before thoroughly evaluating the fit). A J-frame Smith with aftermarket grips can fit a hand as well (or better than) a Ruger LCR so it is largely a matter of personal preference at this point. Likewise, while a Sig 239 tends to fit smaller hands out of the box with aftermarket grips it can fit a larger hand well.

I remain to this day a great wheelgun fan and also advocate them for carry in many cases--EVERY autoloader I've shot (except 2--a Sig 239 and a H&K USP but the latter hasn't had enough rounds thru it yet) has had stoppages at some point. Normally these are few and far between (and not enough to worry about with correct ammo) but they do demand initial and recurrent training to clear with any degree of proficiency. EVERY autoloader demands initial and recurrent training to clear as well employ effectively and (at least in my experience) this has ALWAYS been more than an equivalent revolver. Bottom line is that someone needs to choose a gun they will become completely proficient with given their willingness and aptitude of training--if one is willing to put in the time and training an autoloader is fine; however, this does DEMAND the time and training. Wheelguns can almost always be counted on to go bang when you need them too and for the average CCW have more than enough firepower. Any gun is simply a tool for a given situation and it is important to get the right tool for the right job (you wouldn't use a pitching wedge to make a shot for a driver).

I see far too many people who've grabbed an autoloader off the shelf and haven't been willing to put in the time to operate it proficiently.

I guess the bottom line is that it's no different than buying a car or anything else--if you get your spouse the car YOU want there's a good chance YOU'LL be the one driving it and have to get her a new car anyhow (or hear about the car SHE wanted until the end of time). Better to get her a decent car that SHE wants and can drive well (after carefully evaluating different models).

Thanks again

big shrek · 10-31-2009, 10:46 AM

I agree, except on trying guns out...

It's simple. GO TO A GUN SHOW!!!

There's one per month in every decent-sized city. Try Everything! Ain't no rule that sez you gotta buy at the gun show...find what she likes, and then get a lower price from a local dealer

Fit is EXTREMELY important...as is being able to handle the caliber in question.

Just as a Helper...9mm was designed to give .38 special performance with less recoil thru a semi-automatic platform. It was adopted by the military in place of the .45 so that women could have sidearms they could handle. Same thing for cops...most women couldn't handle .357's with the Highway Patrols, so guess who went to 9mm in the late 80's?? It's an all-around caliber...even the tinyest folks should be able to handle it. The typical housewife lifts far heavier things with one hand (rolling pin) when cooking than a 9mm pistol

So, after the Gun Show (or large Gun Shop) your next stop would be a Gun Range that RENTS pistols so you can test out the ones she likes best. Again, there's usually one in/near every decent-sized city. TEST out a few things. You may very well find that she prefers a small caliber like .22lr to practice with, but wants a larger (9mm or.357SIG) for carry/home protection.

Chiappa makes a 1911-22 (.22lr) that is a wonderful training pistol...and even though it's "just a .22lr" it'll still pump 10 rounds into a BG real quick...and that'll put a damper on anyone's day. Plus...you can get 1911-style pistols in 9mm for carry purposes...so you get the benefit of training with the same type of pistol (same safeties/etc) so she can work on Precision when training instead of having to worry about recoil at all.

And believe me, your wife can DEFINITELY surprise you with a gun request...if she's a tough broad...like mine, 5'9 former jarhead...she might just kidnap yer Desert Eagle .50AE

Metronome · 10-31-2009, 11:47 AM

I like Merril shoes too, but I also like cheapie Newbalance from Big 5 for $20

I would highly recommend the website The Cornered Cat, it is written by a female shooter and covers this topic quite well from a womans perspective. Actually has some good things to say regardless of your gender.

A good quality gun show or patient sales clerk could be your best opportunity.

danf6975 · 10-31-2009, 09:04 PM

one thing to mention .
many times whats right for a person ( any person) can be grown out of as skill is increased and in the case of some women and many trainees ( LEO that do not have a glock shaped hand) can be grown INTO as well.
its part of the reason why i like the XDM with its 3 different standard back straps and the fit for non glock hands.

lynxpilot · 10-31-2009, 10:36 PM

I had just started with handguns and got myself a .45 auto. I figured I'd go a step down for my wife and get a 9mm so the recoil wouldn't scare her away from shooting at all (she'd never shot a gun in her life). I bought her a 9mm auto that I really liked and that's what we took to our CCW course. The instructor had a P22 and let her use it and it was only then that I realized that I'd bought a gun for her that I liked and not her. In hindsight, I'd no sooner buy her a gun than buy her a bra.

stinkybriches · 10-31-2009, 11:04 PM

my 5'2" girlfriend loves shooting my .45. she doesnt shoot with me often,
but when she does, thats her favorite to shoot. my 9mm isnt big and bad enough for her.

G. Green · 11-01-2009, 11:54 AM

It's all in the mindset of the shooter too. Going out to plink is way different from actually learning to shoot. I took a friend to the range and she already had a mod 60 S&W, and after a lot of coaching she was scattering rounds everywhere. I stepped up to her and I said "okay, you and your daughters are at home and your ex or some other nut kicks the door, and he's going to hurt you bad and when he's done with you he's going to start on your girls", you could actually see her demeanor and posture change! She got aggressive behind the gun and took a stance that just screamed "I'm gonna kick your a$$!" She never dropped another round out of the 8 ring and most were in the 9.

sea_chicken1 · 11-02-2009, 02:26 PM

I recommend You take Your wife/significant other to a range that has handguns that you can rent and start her out on a medium powered revolver or pistol like 9mm or 38spl and go from there. let here shoot a few different guns in those calibers and if she becomes very comfortable step it up for a 357 or 40 and that way you both will know what she shoots well and is comfortable with. My experience with handguns is if you start someone too small like a 22 or 32 they become real recoil wary and don't want to step up but if you start them at a medium power they become more comfortable. Plan a day around it and have fun.

10-31-2009, 06:19 AM	#1
Jay Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Central Indiana Posts: 151	How to buy a handgun for my wife/significant other Thoughts about……..”What firearm should I buy for my wife/significant other… OR FOR ME??” I regularly post to buy a firearm like you buy shoes. I use that analogy because everyone’s feet are different, re shoes…. as are their hands different, re firearms. I happen to like Merrell shoes, but I’m not about to suggest that everyone looking for shoes go buy Merrell shoes. Everyone has to decide for themselves how a particular shoe fits. I know generally what kind of shoes my wife likes, but I’d not stretch that knowledge so far as to guess at what handgun is comfortable for her hands. There are some here who say it doesn’t matter how a gun feels in your hands, that you can learn to shoot anything. Perhaps that’s true, but over the years, I’ve seen that not to be true with the majority of new shooters. A good shooter, can usually do well with an “uncomfortable” firearm, but new shooters tend to do better with one that “feels right” in their hands. Besides, if you buy a pair of shoes for someone, and they don’t like the fit, you can usually return ‘em. Firearms don’t normally work that way. If you guess wrong, you’ll usually lose money on the re-sale, or trade-in. I think we would do well not to use a physical description ( “my wife is a tiny thing and couldn’t handle a large caliber…..”) as a basis for suggesting which firearm someone else should buy for their wife/girl friend. Many folks here got irate when a gun shop owner suggested that a 1911 was too much gun for a woman…… yet those same folks here rush to suggest a “wheel gun for a lady”, or “she’ll love the light weight of this airweight.” Probably 60% of the ladies I’ve taught to shoot, and keep a firearm in their home, have chosen a 1911 variant. The key point here is, THEY CHOSE IT, after shooting it…. And they’re very happy with it. There are trade-offs to any handgun purchase….. less weight = more perceived recoil….. longer barrel = longer sight radius = potentially better accuracy….. more weight = less perceived recoil = more weight to carry….. and on, and on, and on….. Many of those trade-offs are important to some, and unimportant to others, but it’s not my place to assume who those trade-offs apply to. Touchy point…… I don’t believe that caliber is all that important to a new shooter. Too much caliber, too soon, may scare a new shooter away. I teach basics with .22 LR firearms. If a shooter’s given choice of technique allows them to place their shots on their selected target, proper technique will lend itself to effective recoil management, and allow the proficient use of virtually any caliber. Sure, it’s nice to be able to shoot a particular firearm before you buy it, but not always possible. Many times, however, it is possible to handle many firearms and be able to get some idea whether or not one likes the way a given firearm feels in their hands, and I think that’s the best way to start. I’ve offered many times on INGO to let folks shoot what firearms I have, and have access to….in order to enable them to make a more enlightened choice when it’s time to lay down the money. Everyone who has taken me up on my offer has benefited from the outing, and has either solidified their choice, or they’ve changed their minds and chosen a different firearm. I’d like to see all of us make a similar offer to all new shooters. It would bring our shooting community closer together, and tend to retain shooters by helping them to be pleased with their first purchase. Just my two cents, as always….. thanks for the opportunity to shoot my mouth off. __________________ Freedom has a flavor the protected can never taste... USMC 8652, 2531, RVN Jun '66, - May 68

10-31-2009, 09:46 AM	#3
TXplt Traveling Libertarian Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Fort Worth, TX Posts: 4,856 Blog Entries: 2	Thanks, Jay--excellent post. Fit and feel of a gun for shooting are so important, and that is why it is important for someone to try the gun out for themselves. Keep in mind that a gun's fit can be improved by aftermarket grips in some cases as well (if you end up in the less-than-optimal situation where you wind up with a gun before thoroughly evaluating the fit). A J-frame Smith with aftermarket grips can fit a hand as well (or better than) a Ruger LCR so it is largely a matter of personal preference at this point. Likewise, while a Sig 239 tends to fit smaller hands out of the box with aftermarket grips it can fit a larger hand well. I remain to this day a great wheelgun fan and also advocate them for carry in many cases--EVERY autoloader I've shot (except 2--a Sig 239 and a H&K USP but the latter hasn't had enough rounds thru it yet) has had stoppages at some point. Normally these are few and far between (and not enough to worry about with correct ammo) but they do demand initial and recurrent training to clear with any degree of proficiency. EVERY autoloader demands initial and recurrent training to clear as well employ effectively and (at least in my experience) this has ALWAYS been more than an equivalent revolver. Bottom line is that someone needs to choose a gun they will become completely proficient with given their willingness and aptitude of training--if one is willing to put in the time and training an autoloader is fine; however, this does DEMAND the time and training. Wheelguns can almost always be counted on to go bang when you need them too and for the average CCW have more than enough firepower. Any gun is simply a tool for a given situation and it is important to get the right tool for the right job (you wouldn't use a pitching wedge to make a shot for a driver). I see far too many people who've grabbed an autoloader off the shelf and haven't been willing to put in the time to operate it proficiently. I guess the bottom line is that it's no different than buying a car or anything else--if you get your spouse the car YOU want there's a good chance YOU'LL be the one driving it and have to get her a new car anyhow (or hear about the car SHE wanted until the end of time). Better to get her a decent car that SHE wants and can drive well (after carefully evaluating different models). Thanks again __________________ Old fighter pilots never die.....They just wind up in Texas Last edited by TXplt; 10-31-2009 at 09:52 AM.

10-31-2009, 10:46 AM	#4
big shrek Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Northwest, FL Posts: 3,567	I agree, except on trying guns out... It's simple. GO TO A GUN SHOW!!! There's one per month in every decent-sized city. Try Everything! Ain't no rule that sez you gotta buy at the gun show...find what she likes, and then get a lower price from a local dealer Fit is EXTREMELY important...as is being able to handle the caliber in question. Just as a Helper...9mm was designed to give .38 special performance with less recoil thru a semi-automatic platform. It was adopted by the military in place of the .45 so that women could have sidearms they could handle. Same thing for cops...most women couldn't handle .357's with the Highway Patrols, so guess who went to 9mm in the late 80's?? It's an all-around caliber...even the tinyest folks should be able to handle it. The typical housewife lifts far heavier things with one hand (rolling pin) when cooking than a 9mm pistol So, after the Gun Show (or large Gun Shop) your next stop would be a Gun Range that RENTS pistols so you can test out the ones she likes best. Again, there's usually one in/near every decent-sized city. TEST out a few things. You may very well find that she prefers a small caliber like .22lr to practice with, but wants a larger (9mm or.357SIG) for carry/home protection. Chiappa makes a 1911-22 (.22lr) that is a wonderful training pistol...and even though it's "just a .22lr" it'll still pump 10 rounds into a BG real quick...and that'll put a damper on anyone's day. Plus...you can get 1911-style pistols in 9mm for carry purposes...so you get the benefit of training with the same type of pistol (same safeties/etc) so she can work on Precision when training instead of having to worry about recoil at all. And believe me, your wife can DEFINITELY surprise you with a gun request...if she's a tough broad...like mine, 5'9 former jarhead...she might just kidnap yer Desert Eagle .50AE __________________ Marlin Specialist, Calico Specialist Last edited by big shrek; 10-31-2009 at 10:49 AM.

10-31-2009, 11:47 AM	#5
Metronome Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Northern California Posts: 981	I like Merril shoes too, but I also like cheapie Newbalance from Big 5 for $20 I would highly recommend the website The Cornered Cat, it is written by a female shooter and covers this topic quite well from a womans perspective. Actually has some good things to say regardless of your gender. A good quality gun show or patient sales clerk could be your best opportunity. __________________ I take my coffee how I take my women: bitter and overbearing.

11-02-2009, 02:26 PM	#10
sea_chicken1 Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Everett WA. and Norfolk VA. Posts: 1,144	I recommend You take Your wife/significant other to a range that has handguns that you can rent and start her out on a medium powered revolver or pistol like 9mm or 38spl and go from there. let here shoot a few different guns in those calibers and if she becomes very comfortable step it up for a 357 or 40 and that way you both will know what she shoots well and is comfortable with. My experience with handguns is if you start someone too small like a 22 or 32 they become real recoil wary and don't want to step up but if you start them at a medium power they become more comfortable. Plan a day around it and have fun. Last edited by sea_chicken1; 11-02-2009 at 02:31 PM.

10-31-2009, 09:04 PM	#6
danf6975 Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 375	one thing to mention . many times whats right for a person ( any person) can be grown out of as skill is increased and in the case of some women and many trainees ( LEO that do not have a glock shaped hand) can be grown INTO as well. its part of the reason why i like the XDM with its 3 different standard back straps and the fit for non glock hands.

10-31-2009, 10:36 PM	#7
lynxpilot Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Ava, MO Posts: 195	I had just started with handguns and got myself a .45 auto. I figured I'd go a step down for my wife and get a 9mm so the recoil wouldn't scare her away from shooting at all (she'd never shot a gun in her life). I bought her a 9mm auto that I really liked and that's what we took to our CCW course. The instructor had a P22 and let her use it and it was only then that I realized that I'd bought a gun for her that I liked and *not her*. In hindsight, I'd no sooner buy her a gun than buy her a bra.

10-31-2009, 11:04 PM	#8
stinkybriches Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: wisconsin Posts: 161	my 5'2" girlfriend loves shooting my .45. she doesnt shoot with me often, but when she does, thats her favorite to shoot. my 9mm isnt big and bad enough for her.

11-01-2009, 11:54 AM	#9
G. Green Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: NE OK Posts: 1,023	It's all in the mindset of the shooter too. Going out to plink is way different from actually learning to shoot. I took a friend to the range and she already had a mod 60 S&W, and after a lot of coaching she was scattering rounds everywhere. I stepped up to her and I said "okay, you and your daughters are at home and your ex or some other nut kicks the door, and he's going to hurt you bad and when he's done with you he's going to start on your girls", you could actually see her demeanor and posture change! She got aggressive behind the gun and took a stance that just screamed "I'm gonna kick your a$$!" She never dropped another round out of the 8 ring and most were in the 9.