Tough New Iraqi Vehicle Emission Laws Threaten U.S. War Plans

Doglips · 03-18-2003, 06:11 AM

Tough New Iraqi Vehicle Emission Laws Threaten U.S. War Plans
3/18/2003 - G. Alan Groop

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Baghdad, Iraq - Tough new vehicle emission laws, announced today in Iraq, may impact or even cancel United States military operations within Iraq. The new laws, announced on Al Jazeera television, detail stringent emission restrictions on all vehicles operating within the country.

"What this does", explained military expert Colonel Tim Strausman (retired USMC), is effectively handcuff the U.S. military. The majority of our military vehicles have no chance of meeting these tough new requirements. Our M1 Abrams tank, for example, is a notorious polluter which outputs nitrogen oxide levels nearly double the allowable maximum. I don't believe any amount of tuning can make these vehicles usable in Iraq." One saving grace may be the Massive Ordnance Air Blast Bombs (MOAB), which uses a slurry of ammonium nitrate and powdered aluminum. "This massive ordinance is completely bio-degradable, and uses only recycled aluminum powder, so I think it will be OK to use this one." Strausman speculates.

"This may be the most brilliant tactical move since the "The Somme Offensive", military historian Gus Stillman suggests. "The Iraqi's are generally considered tactical morons", Stillman explains. "Usually they'd be better off using a chimp and a dartboard than their military experts. But this new approach could revolutionize how battles are fought in the future. The inability of enemies to utilize their weapons of war, due to vehicle emission failure, clearly puts the Iraqi's on a level playing field. I suspect this will be followed up with new restrictions on aircraft efficiency, as well as noise abatement laws."

While the impact of this sweeping legislation is yet to be determined, the Iraqi army has continued their war preparations, including surrender drills choreographed by experts from France. The Iraqi's have not decided upon a surrender strategy, but seem to be moving away from the classic French "Surrender Paris" approach. "We are different from them", an Iraqi officer explained, "we have some pride. I cannot see giving the country up in less than an hour, let alone 20 minutes like the French."

03-18-2003, 06:11 AM	#1
Doglips Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Cocoa Florida Posts: 9,089	Tough New Iraqi Vehicle Emission Laws Threaten U.S. War Plans Tough New Iraqi Vehicle Emission Laws Threaten U.S. War Plans 3/18/2003 - G. Alan Groop -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Baghdad, Iraq - Tough new vehicle emission laws, announced today in Iraq, may impact or even cancel United States military operations within Iraq. The new laws, announced on Al Jazeera television, detail stringent emission restrictions on all vehicles operating within the country. "What this does", explained military expert Colonel Tim Strausman (retired USMC), is effectively handcuff the U.S. military. The majority of our military vehicles have no chance of meeting these tough new requirements. Our M1 Abrams tank, for example, is a notorious polluter which outputs nitrogen oxide levels nearly double the allowable maximum. I don't believe any amount of tuning can make these vehicles usable in Iraq." One saving grace may be the Massive Ordnance Air Blast Bombs (MOAB), which uses a slurry of ammonium nitrate and powdered aluminum. "This massive ordinance is completely bio-degradable, and uses only recycled aluminum powder, so I think it will be OK to use this one." Strausman speculates. "This may be the most brilliant tactical move since the "The Somme Offensive", military historian Gus Stillman suggests. "The Iraqi's are generally considered tactical morons", Stillman explains. "Usually they'd be better off using a chimp and a dartboard than their military experts. But this new approach could revolutionize how battles are fought in the future. The inability of enemies to utilize their weapons of war, due to vehicle emission failure, clearly puts the Iraqi's on a level playing field. I suspect this will be followed up with new restrictions on aircraft efficiency, as well as noise abatement laws." While the impact of this sweeping legislation is yet to be determined, the Iraqi army has continued their war preparations, including surrender drills choreographed by experts from France. The Iraqi's have not decided upon a surrender strategy, but seem to be moving away from the classic French "Surrender Paris" approach. "We are different from them", an Iraqi officer explained, "we have some pride. I cannot see giving the country up in less than an hour, let alone 20 minutes like the French."