More Dog humor....

[oneastrix]

Dogs' Letters to God
> >
> > Dear God,
> > Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell
> > one another?
> >
> > Dear God,
> > When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it
> > the same old
> > story?
> >
> > Dear God,
> > Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
> > mustang, the
> > colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a
> > dog? How often
> > do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride!
> > Would it be so
> > hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
> >
> > Dear God,
> > If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
> > him, is he
> > still a bad dog?
> >
> > Dear God,
> > We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
> > signals, whistles,
> > horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy
> > fields, and
> > Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
> >
> > Dear God,
> > More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
> >
> > Dear God,
> > When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands
> > to get in?
> >
> > Dear God,
> > Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
> > apologize?
> >
> > Dear God,
> > Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
> > remember to be a
> > good dog:
> >
> > I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after
> > they throw it up.
> >
> > I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just
> > because I like
> > the way they smell.
> >
> > I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box;
> > although they are
> > tasty, they are not food.
> >
> > The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
> >
> > The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's
> > laps.
> >
> > The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
> > My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
> >
> > I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
> > Mom's driver's
> > license and registration.
> >
> > I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on
> > the toilet.
> >
> > Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable
> > way of saying
> > 'hello.'
> >
> > I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
> > under the coffee
> > table.
> >
> > I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the
> > house.
> >
> > I will not throw up in the car.
> >
> > I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt
> > across the carpet. LOL
> >
> > I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my
> > crotch when
> > company is over. (LOVE this one)
> >
> > The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he
> > makes that
> > noise, it's usually not a good thing.
> >
> > Dear God,
> > May I have my testicles back?