More Darwin Awards

Sniper[MI] · 05-06-2003, 07:47 PM

(July 2002, Wisconsin) Two drunks were goofing around, when one challenged the other to shoot him with cigarette butts "to see what it would feel like." His friend obligingly loaded a gun with three cigarette butts, placing ammunition behind the butts to make sure they left the barrel of the gun. He then shot his friend from a distance of seven feet. The friend who issued the challenge died of two cigarette butts to the head, and one to the heart.
The gene pool is in trouble!
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(7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald’s actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I’ll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields."
During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!"

Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn’t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden conclusion.

Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool.

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(May 2001, New Zealand) You might not like this Darwin involving a thirteen-year-old girl. But think how stupid it is for a teenager to consume insect poison. What kid doesn't know better? Children who sniff aerosol propellant, of all things. As if it weren't dangerous enough inhaling random volatile propellants for fun, THIS girl was found dead with a litter of empty bug spray cans under her bed.
Sniffing poison is worse than sniffing hairspray. She died with elevated butane levels in her blood, which confirm that she had been "huffing" from a can labeled with skull and crossbones. Didn't she notice the dead insects on the label? Think how stupid she was to inhale lungfuls of a nasty-smelling chemical designed to KILL things.

New Zealand's reaction to the news is as expected. Coroner Gordon Matenga is calling for "bigger warnings on fly spray cans" after the second fly spray death in Waikato. He explains, "It (is) prevalent for New Zealand young people to sniff fly spray for a quick buzz." The judges are surprised any kids exist who don't know better.

One fewer exists now!

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05-06-2003, 07:47 PM	#1
Sniper[MI] Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Future 51st state, "New Hope" Posts: 3,795	More Darwin Awards (July 2002, Wisconsin) Two drunks were goofing around, when one challenged the other to shoot him with cigarette butts "to see what it would feel like." His friend obligingly loaded a gun with three cigarette butts, placing ammunition behind the butts to make sure they left the barrel of the gun. He then shot his friend from a distance of seven feet. The friend who issued the challenge died of two cigarette butts to the head, and one to the heart. The gene pool is in trouble! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ (7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald’s actual thoughts are unknown, but may have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I’ll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields." During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!" Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn’t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden conclusion. Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ (May 2001, New Zealand) You might not like this Darwin involving a thirteen-year-old girl. But think how stupid it is for a teenager to consume insect poison. What kid doesn't know better? Children who sniff aerosol propellant, of all things. As if it weren't dangerous enough inhaling random volatile propellants for fun, THIS girl was found dead with a litter of empty bug spray cans under her bed. Sniffing poison is worse than sniffing hairspray. She died with elevated butane levels in her blood, which confirm that she had been "huffing" from a can labeled with skull and crossbones. Didn't she notice the dead insects on the label? Think how stupid she was to inhale lungfuls of a nasty-smelling chemical designed to KILL things. New Zealand's reaction to the news is as expected. Coroner Gordon Matenga is calling for "bigger warnings on fly spray cans" after the second fly spray death in Waikato. He explains, "It (is) prevalent for New Zealand young people to sniff fly spray for a quick buzz." The judges are surprised any kids exist who don't know better. One fewer exists now! DarwinAwards.com © 1994-2003 __________________ FNUH!