Quickies! Short Jokes

Doglips · 05-10-2003, 07:37 AM

Quickies! Short Jokes
The UN is at it again!!!

A resolution was recently proposed in the UN to form a new union between the Turks and Kurds. This would create a new nation along the Iraq border to be called the Turds.

France vetoed the measure, citing historical rights to the name

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A Taliban news source says that the Taliban are extremely offended by being called "towel heads". We have been informed that they do NOT wear towels on their heads. They wear sheets. In the future, please call them "sheet heads".

Submitted by Paul S

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Saddam was known to be in a certain field, and the problem was to find him.

The field was sprayed with Viagra and the prick stood up.

submitted by Walter

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submitted by Nancy D

What's the difference between a Texas Tale and a Fairy Tale?

A Fairy Tale starts out once upon a time.

A Texas Tale starts out you mother ****ers ain't gona believe this ****!

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A customer was really hassling an airline agent at the ticket counter -- yelling and using foul language. However, the agent was polite, pleasant and smiled while the customer continued to abuse her.

When the man finally left, the next person in line said to the agent, "Does that happen often? I can't believe how nice you were to him."

The agent smiled and said, "No problem, I took care of it. He's going to Detroit. His bags are going to Bangkok."

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SEND THIS WARNING TO EVERYONE ON YOUR MAIL LIST.

IF A MAN COMES TO YOUR FRONT DOOR AND SAYS HE IS
CONDUCTING A SURVEY AND ASKS YOU TO SHOW HIM YOUR
BOOBS, DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS. THIS IS A SCAM. HE
ONLY WANTS TO SEE YOUR BOOBS.

I wish I'd gotten this
yesterday. I feel so stupid.

Signed, The Blonde

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A baby seal walks into a club . submitted by Jim I

Anyone Know This Guy?

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The cop asked, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big tits."

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If a doctor cloned himself, would he be known as a paradox?

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During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place.

"I was just stupid," I teased.

When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation.

"People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."

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There was a young lady called Ellie

Who felt rumbling deep down in her belly

With one mighty gust

Her gusset was bust

And the roar could be heard in New Delhi

submitted by Hew Janus

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Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.

The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times.....just put me down for a five."

Submitted by Roy B

05-10-2003, 07:37 AM	#1
Doglips Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Cocoa Florida Posts: 9,088	Quickies! Short Jokes Quickies! Short Jokes The UN is at it again!!! A resolution was recently proposed in the UN to form a new union between the Turks and Kurds. This would create a new nation along the Iraq border to be called the Turds. France vetoed the measure, citing historical rights to the name ------------------------ A Taliban news source says that the Taliban are extremely offended by being called "towel heads". We have been informed that they do NOT wear towels on their heads. They wear sheets. In the future, please call them "sheet heads". Submitted by Paul S ------------------------------------ Saddam was known to be in a certain field, and the problem was to find him. The field was sprayed with Viagra and the prick stood up. submitted by Walter ------------------------------ submitted by Nancy D What's the difference between a Texas Tale and a Fairy Tale? A Fairy Tale starts out once upon a time. A Texas Tale starts out you mother **ers ain't gona believe this **! ------------------------ A customer was really hassling an airline agent at the ticket counter -- yelling and using foul language. However, the agent was polite, pleasant and smiled while the customer continued to abuse her. When the man finally left, the next person in line said to the agent, "Does that happen often? I can't believe how nice you were to him." The agent smiled and said, "No problem, I took care of it. He's going to Detroit. His bags are going to Bangkok." ------------ SEND THIS WARNING TO EVERYONE ON YOUR MAIL LIST. IF A MAN COMES TO YOUR FRONT DOOR AND SAYS HE IS CONDUCTING A SURVEY AND ASKS YOU TO SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS, DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS. THIS IS A SCAM. HE ONLY WANTS TO SEE YOUR BOOBS. I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid. Signed, The Blonde ---------------- A baby seal walks into a club . submitted by Jim I Anyone Know This Guy? A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big tits." ------------------------ If a doctor cloned himself, would he be known as a paradox? ---------------------- During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," I teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation. "People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid." ------------------ There was a young lady called Ellie Who felt rumbling deep down in her belly With one mighty gust Her gusset was bust And the roar could be heard in New Delhi submitted by Hew Janus ------------------ Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?" "Yes" says the woman. "Did you hit him with that golf club?" "Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face. "How many times did you hit him?" "I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times.....just put me down for a five." Submitted by Roy B