For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

Doglips · 03-15-2004, 02:25 PM

For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I've learned from my children:

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.

A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.

Certain Leggos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.

Play-Dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

It will, however, make cats dizzy.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

colt45 · 03-15-2004, 02:58 PM

oh how true.

Despoiler · 03-16-2004, 12:46 AM

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
Super glue is forever.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

Been there done that!!!

jerry · 03-16-2004, 05:28 AM

childs play, I'm in the big leauges now.

03-15-2004, 02:25 PM	#1
Doglips Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Cocoa Florida Posts: 9,089	For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control. The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: Things I've learned from my children: A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. Certain Leggos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old. Play-Dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. Super glue is forever. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. You probably do not want to know what that odor is. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

03-15-2004, 02:58 PM	#2
colt45 Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Occupied Territories of New York (Buffalo) Posts: 2,898	oh how true. __________________ "A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity" -Sigmund Freud, General Introduction to Psychoanalysis "If guns cause crime, all of mine are defective." - Ted Nugent "Self-defense is Nature's eldest law." -John Dryden

03-16-2004, 05:28 AM	#4
jerry Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 10,870 Images: 9 Blog Entries: 1	childs play, I'm in the big leauges now. __________________ I'm a down home back woods redneck

03-16-2004, 12:46 AM	#3
Despoiler Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: The Occupied Territory of California Posts: 2,232	When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late. Super glue is forever. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. Been there done that!!!