Lance Armstrong Now Being Questioned By French For Use Of Foreign

Doglips · 07-27-2004, 02:39 PM

Lance Armstrong Now Being Questioned By French For Use Of Foreign Substances: Deodorant, Soap
7/26/2004 - Steve Tanner

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Lance Armstrong rode into history Sunday by winning the Tour de France, crossing the finish line in Paris for a record sixth time. Many French took time from their spitting and death threats to now question the cyclist’s use of illegal substances. Questions are now surfacing over items discovered in Armstrong’s possession.

“During the race, one of our officials accidentally tripped, fell and ended up in Mr. Armstrong’s room.” Said Tour de France official Philippe Houn’re. “While trying to quickly exit the room, he discovered a black bag hidden on the bathroom counter filled with many foreign substances.”

Officials of the Tour de France note these items may force Armstrong to forfeit this, and previous Tour titles. Leaving no other option but to give the titles to French President Jacques Chirac by default

The list of items in questions are as follows:

• Clear (assumed toxic) gel labeled SPEED STICK. Obviously speed enhancing

• Large foaming block (pill?) labeled ZEST. Perhaps suppository

• Half tube of substance labeled CREST. Assumedly to allow Armstrong to lift several thousand pounds and leap from tree to tree.

"We are shocked and dismayed," replied Houn’re. "Le Tour De France is a tradition stretching back over one hundred years. To use these substances - this "soap" - defiles all that we french stand for. It goes against all things French."

07-27-2004, 06:35 PM

:right: man that's too funny DL !

Oxford · 07-27-2004, 08:06 PM

I've gotta send that to a guy I know in France. This should pixx him off for sure. :nod:

Been telling him to get his arse out of there fast but he's undoubtedly too much of a liberal democrat to listen.

Indy7373 · 07-28-2004, 02:17 PM

Tripped and fell ending up in Armstrongs room. Great stuff.

Oxford · 07-28-2004, 03:17 PM

"• Clear (assumed toxic) gel labeled SPEED STICK. Obviously speed enhancing

• Large foaming block (pill?) labeled ZEST. Perhaps suppository

• Half tube of substance labeled CREST. Assumedly to allow Armstrong to lift several thousand pounds and leap from tree to tree."

Speed Stick, Zest and Crest would be definite foreign substances to the French.

Speed Stick would mess up the underarm hair on the French women.

Zest makes a myriad of soaps and cleaners...all of which would be foreign to the French.

And Crest...the toothpaste that gives you a fresh breath and less cavities...why would the French use those. That runs against their grain, too.

:jaw:

SexyRedXterra · 07-28-2004, 05:58 PM

Did I ever tell you guys about my dirty suitemate who refused to shower? She'd shower once a week only, change her clothes (and underwear) only 2 times per week, brush her teeth about twice a week, and do other disgusting things like pick her nose or feet and eat what she picked. Anyway, she blamed her poor hygiene habits on her 3-month stay in France.

Oxford · 07-28-2004, 11:17 PM

I wouldn't buy into that answer from her. Face it...she was just a slob. Sounds like she had no sense of self worth.

Common sense and self pride would motive her to "clean up" her act. Surely you found a new roommate ASAP. :nod:

SexyRedXterra · 07-29-2004, 06:30 AM

We tried getting her kicked out for putting us all at risk, but administration refused to help. She graduated, so she's gone. Her roommate last year (who she didn't get along with at all) is my new roommate.

Oxford · 07-29-2004, 08:23 AM

...and all turned out well for you as you lived happily ever after. :guitar: Hope she enjoyed her gross diet.

SexyRedXterra · 07-29-2004, 08:43 PM

She thought it was funny to smell bad. Would you believe she has a bf?

Oxford · 08-01-2004, 07:57 PM

Had to think about that acronymn "bf." I'm not up with you hip abbreviations.

Ok...if she's got a boyfriend he must have bad eyesight, no sense of smell, and more impairments...unless his smell and sloppy habits overshadowed hers.

Glad that you found a new R.M. and good luck in getting a new BF whenever you're ready.

:nod:

SexyRedXterra · 08-01-2004, 08:06 PM

No he's clean

Oxford · 08-01-2004, 08:15 PM

Have you frisked him for weapons?

07-27-2004, 02:39 PM	#1
Doglips Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Cocoa Florida Posts: 9,089	Lance Armstrong Now Being Questioned By French For Use Of Foreign Lance Armstrong Now Being Questioned By French For Use Of Foreign Substances: Deodorant, Soap 7/26/2004 - Steve Tanner -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lance Armstrong rode into history Sunday by winning the Tour de France, crossing the finish line in Paris for a record sixth time. Many French took time from their spitting and death threats to now question the cyclist’s use of illegal substances. Questions are now surfacing over items discovered in Armstrong’s possession. “During the race, one of our officials accidentally tripped, fell and ended up in Mr. Armstrong’s room.” Said Tour de France official Philippe Houn’re. “While trying to quickly exit the room, he discovered a black bag hidden on the bathroom counter filled with many foreign substances.” Officials of the Tour de France note these items may force Armstrong to forfeit this, and previous Tour titles. Leaving no other option but to give the titles to French President Jacques Chirac by default The list of items in questions are as follows: • Clear (assumed toxic) gel labeled SPEED STICK. Obviously speed enhancing • Large foaming block (pill?) labeled ZEST. Perhaps suppository • Half tube of substance labeled CREST. Assumedly to allow Armstrong to lift several thousand pounds and leap from tree to tree. "We are shocked and dismayed," replied Houn’re. "Le Tour De France is a tradition stretching back over one hundred years. To use these substances - this "soap" - defiles all that we french stand for. It goes against all things French."

07-27-2004, 08:06 PM	#3
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 13,021 Blog Entries: 4	I've gotta send that to a guy I know in France. This should pixx him off for sure. :nod: Been telling him to get his arse out of there fast but he's undoubtedly too much of a liberal democrat to listen. __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".

07-28-2004, 02:17 PM	#4
Indy7373 Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Panhandle Florida Posts: 202	Tripped and fell ending up in Armstrongs room. Great stuff. __________________ When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. MOLON LABE

07-28-2004, 03:17 PM	#5
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 13,021 Blog Entries: 4	"• Clear (assumed toxic) gel labeled SPEED STICK. Obviously speed enhancing • Large foaming block (pill?) labeled ZEST. Perhaps suppository • Half tube of substance labeled CREST. Assumedly to allow Armstrong to lift several thousand pounds and leap from tree to tree." Speed Stick, Zest and Crest would be definite foreign substances to the French. Speed Stick would mess up the underarm hair on the French women. Zest makes a myriad of soaps and cleaners...all of which would be foreign to the French. And Crest...the toothpaste that gives you a fresh breath and less cavities...why would the French use those. That runs against their grain, too. :jaw: __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".

07-28-2004, 05:58 PM	#6
SexyRedXterra Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: NJ Shore and Western PA Posts: 1,206	Did I ever tell you guys about my dirty suitemate who refused to shower? She'd shower once a week only, change her clothes (and underwear) only 2 times per week, brush her teeth about twice a week, and do other disgusting things like pick her nose or feet and eat what she picked. Anyway, she blamed her poor hygiene habits on her 3-month stay in France. __________________ "God doesn't always do things on our schedule, but he's always right on time."

07-27-2004, 06:35 PM	#2
Logansdad Guest Posts: n/a	:right: man that's too funny DL !

07-28-2004, 11:17 PM	#7
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 13,021 Blog Entries: 4	I wouldn't buy into that answer from her. Face it...she was just a slob. Sounds like she had no sense of self worth. Common sense and self pride would motive her to "clean up" her act. Surely you found a new roommate ASAP. :nod: __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".

07-29-2004, 06:30 AM	#8
SexyRedXterra Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: NJ Shore and Western PA Posts: 1,206	We tried getting her kicked out for putting us all at risk, but administration refused to help. She graduated, so she's gone. Her roommate last year (who she didn't get along with at all) is my new roommate. __________________ "God doesn't always do things on our schedule, but he's always right on time."

07-29-2004, 08:23 AM	#9
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 13,021 Blog Entries: 4	...and all turned out well for you as you lived happily ever after. :guitar: Hope she enjoyed her gross diet. __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".

07-29-2004, 08:43 PM	#10
SexyRedXterra Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: NJ Shore and Western PA Posts: 1,206	She thought it was funny to smell bad. Would you believe she has a bf? __________________ "God doesn't always do things on our schedule, but he's always right on time."

08-01-2004, 07:57 PM	#11
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 13,021 Blog Entries: 4	Had to think about that acronymn "bf." I'm not up with you hip abbreviations. Ok...if she's got a boyfriend he must have bad eyesight, no sense of smell, and more impairments...unless his smell and sloppy habits overshadowed hers. Glad that you found a new R.M. and good luck in getting a new BF whenever you're ready. :nod: __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".

08-01-2004, 08:06 PM	#12
SexyRedXterra Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: NJ Shore and Western PA Posts: 1,206	No he's clean __________________ "God doesn't always do things on our schedule, but he's always right on time."

08-01-2004, 08:15 PM	#13
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 13,021 Blog Entries: 4	Have you frisked him for weapons? __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".