Things I've learned from my children

The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I've learned from my children (honest and no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000-sq. ft. house four inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late. (No matter how old the child!)
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX, has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful.
First grade... true story:

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!' The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

[Big Dog]

Bwahahaha! Those are classics.

(I've seen at least six in operation . . . )

[Doglips]

heheheheheh

[Despoiler]

Originally Posted by Logansdad

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

makes me wonder how much

[Popgun]

Originally Posted by Logansdad

makes me wonder how much

A bunch !! Ask me how I know. And at least 50% of the men who read this will try it.

[dinengurth]

Already did the brake fluid thing...it works ALOT better w/ chlorine granules for pools. I saw it on Discovery during a program on spontaneous human combustion. The "smoke" from the fluid and granules will ignite after a little while. A friend of mine tried this and showed me some pics...it was awesome, big ol' flame...lol

[oneastrix]

Man I've seen my son in action on many of these! LOL

[Troy]

gonna find out how much smoke. what is it with guys turning to kids with stuff like this? i'm the oldest and biggest kid in the family when it comes to this kinda thing.

[Popgun]

If you must, just be sure to do it outside and stay out of the smoke. Chlorine gas is toxic, besides it will get all kinds of smart !!!!! remarks out of your wife if you do it inside.

Originally Posted by Popgun

A bunch !! Ask me how I know. And at least 50% of the men who read this will try it.

my curiousity will get me killed

[Apollyon67]

Bulletproof, but who wants to live forever?!?!

but nobody wants to die doing something they know better than to do

[BattleRifleG3]

Anyone know what the chemical reaction would be? Chlorox + ammonia produces Chlorine gas, but what about this?

[Father Time]

Originally Posted by Troy

gonna find out how much smoke. what is it with guys turning to kids with stuff like this? i'm the oldest and biggest kid in the family when it comes to this kinda thing.

I'm reminded of when my M.D nephew and I, (who should be old enough and smart enough to know better,) first discovered potato cannons. Our first shot sounded like a 30-06 and we rolled around on the ground, laughing in a way that would have embarassed my 5 yr. old grandson.