12-25-2004, 02:19 AM
| #1 |
| Senior Member   | I think Santa is a woman I think Santa Claus is a woman. I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off. For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted, and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: Men can't pack a bag. Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. Men would feel their masculinity is threatened - having to be seen with all those elves. Men don't answer their mail. Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly." Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men: Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone-screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance.
__________________ I'm a down home back woods redneck  |
|  |
|
12-25-2004, 09:31 AM
| #2 |
| Super Moderator   | Jerry...you're absolutely onto something. That's what I was thinking yesterday when I was doing a little Christmas shopping. Only saw a handful of other men out there, ...but there were herds of women fondling "stuff" on the shelves as if they'd found a new lover. 
__________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right". |
|
| |
|
12-25-2004, 10:11 AM
| #3 |
| Senior Member  |  That's why there's a Mrs. Claus. Sombody has to nag him into going out in sub-zero weather, harnessing reindeer, getting on a open sleigh, climbing roofs, crawling down fireplaces, and after visiting the billionth house still be able to go HO HO HO, instead of *%^#@!&*.:nod: |
|
| |
|
12-25-2004, 10:16 AM
| #4 |
| Super Moderator | I suppose you're right Thrawn :nod: because I did my share of %$#&*&^%#@ shopping in that 5 degree temperature. Guess that makes me the scrouge! :guitar:
__________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right". |
|
| |
|
12-25-2004, 10:30 AM
| #5 |
| Moderator   Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Tallahassee, Florida
Posts: 10,201
| Is it any wonder he's so fat? The Elves do all the work, and he eats all those cookies all night, and drinks a lot of milk.  Wonder if the Sleigh has a "relief tube"? 
__________________ Moderator of: AR15/M16, M14/M1A, New/Beginning Shooters and Militaria/Collectables. |
|
| |
|
12-25-2004, 11:48 AM
| #6 | |
| Senior Member | Quote:
:insane: :jaw:  | |
|
| |
|
12-25-2004, 04:20 PM
| #7 |
| Registered User Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 12
| He cann't be a woman, No woman I know would be able to stand artic temperatures, I mean, most of them whine about being cold when its just below 70, and Santa has to go down chimneys, honestly how man women would risk getting soot in their hair, and be willing to wear velvet while they're getting dirty. Finally the elves wouldn't be embarassing, like all men santa enjoys the finer things in life, like midget tossing! |
|
| |
|
09-09-2007, 06:03 PM
| #8 |
| Senior Member   Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas
Posts: 10,675
| A.H was here |
|
| |
|
09-09-2007, 07:39 PM
| #9 |
| PUKHA DAWG  Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Virginia, just outside of Washington D.C.
Posts: 3,595
| AH is there a reason why you are bringing up all of these old posts?
__________________ Those who forget History are condemed to repeat it. |
|
| |
|
09-09-2007, 08:03 PM
| #10 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 978
| Yeah...seems wierd. You on medication?
__________________ We old dogs can learn new tricks. We just may not like performng them. TJ |
|
| |
|
09-09-2007, 08:23 PM
| #11 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: North Carolina
Posts: 732
| I for one don't like to let the past fade away... unless it's more convenient that way.  |
|
| |
|
09-09-2007, 08:34 PM
| #12 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas
Posts: 10,675
| I'm sorry I thought it would be amuseing for some...I want do it again...I hope Chris don't take a limb to me for doing this...A.H |
|
| |
|
09-09-2007, 10:23 PM
| #13 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: May 2007 Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 3,175
| You got no limbs on yer family tree A.H. I wouldn't worry none about it
__________________ "You can have my Freedom when I'm done with it!" |
|
| |
|
09-09-2007, 10:40 PM
| #14 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas
Posts: 10,675
| Thanks ez |
|
| |
|
09-09-2007, 10:45 PM
| #15 |
| Senior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 3,175
| LOL not a problem always glad to help a buddy in need A.H.
__________________ "You can have my Freedom when I'm done with it!" |
|
| |
