Lawyers.......ya gotta love'em

[HankyBoy]

> These are from a book called ' Disorder in the American Courts', and are
> things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
> published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
> these
> exchanges were taking place!
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> ________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
> WITNESS: July 18th.
> ATTORNEY: What year?
> WITNESS: Every year.
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> __________________________________________________ _________
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
> ____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
> he
> doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ___________________________________
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
> ________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Uh....
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
> people?
> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> autopsy on him!
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Huh?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
> began
> the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
> ATTORNEY: But nevertheless could the patient have still been alive?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
> law

[WetKnife]

I don't get the thing about lawyers. I would like to see their power diminish in the American Experience. There usefullness is scant, the destructiveness to our way of life is immense and without rival. What I especially don't get is the 1/3 to 1/2 of a judgement.

[wirehunt]

[troy2000]

Originally Posted by WetKnife

I don't get the thing about lawyers. I would like to see their power diminish in the American Experience. There usefullness is scant, the destructiveness to our way of life is immense and without rival. What I especially don't get is the 1/3 to 1/2 of a judgement.

If you're going to get nothing without his help, the lawyer is worth pretty much what he can get away with.

A friend of mine years ago went out and found a house for sale cheap in Hollywood. Then he hooked up a carpenter with an old lady who had money. The lady supplied the money to remodel the house, the carpenter supplied the know-how and most of the labor, and they split the considerable profits three ways.

At the end, the carpenter grumbled about my friend getting an equal share after putting no money and camparatively few hours into the project, and asked him why he thought he deserved it. My friend answered, "because without me there would have been no deal, and no one would have made a dime."

[Copper]

Do you know why sharks don't eat attorney's?

Professional courtesy.