Travel issues

Apollyon67 · 05-22-2006, 12:54 PM

Cara Coleman, a travel agent for thirty years in our nation's capital, has this to report:

"This is why we're in trouble! I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for
an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Cape town. I
started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then
she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape
town is in Massachusetts. Without trying to make her look like the stupid one,
I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape town is in Africa."
Her response.( click).

A se nior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did.
I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state!"

I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?"
I said, No." She said, "But they look so close on the map.

An aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a
car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was
possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a. m. and got into Chicago at 8:33 a. m.
I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.
Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines normally put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?"
I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with th e airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that is very rude?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing), I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a
destination tag on her luggage.

A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii.
After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked,
"How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he
replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, FL.
Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to
Pensacola, FL on a commuter pla ne. She said, "Yeah, whatever!"

A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to
China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!"

A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." The agent was at a loss for words.
Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do
you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came
back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your ma p!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?"
That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said.

Now you know why Government is in the shape that it's in!!!!!

carbaxp · 05-22-2006, 01:13 PM

And looks to be copied and pasted directly from www.SNOPES.com

http://www.snopes.com/travel/trap/congress.asp

The government is far from perfect, but the country in tougher shape becuase of people like you. Stop Crying Wolf every time you see a puppy.

Apollyon67 · 05-22-2006, 01:22 PM

Pardon me, but it is in the Humor forum. I figured that was enough to let folks know it was supposed to be funny. As for crying wolf when I see a puppy? Naa. Not gonna happen. If I see a wolf I will skin it myself. Thank you for your input however.

Oxford · 05-22-2006, 02:21 PM

Apollyon67...That was a very funny post...and I'm sure it's 100% true or you wouldn't have posted it in the humor room.

Now I'm absolutely certain there wouldn't be anything in the humor room that hasn't been screened by the NSA...and or the g&g moderators. Therefore, I'll laugh at the comments in your post and must admit that I've already sent it on to my traveling friends who need a little humor today.:nod:

jerry · 05-22-2006, 02:35 PM

Yup,
I came to the humor room to read a joke or two, and looky there a funny by Apollyon, & I laughed.

Humor forum ops check's good.

carbaxp · 05-30-2006, 10:33 AM

Hey, anyone want to hear a True Story? It happened this weekend.

I was hanging out with my buddy, a long time friend named Apollyon67; and we're at the airport, as we go up to the ticket counter I get my ticket wait for him to get his. (We're flying to New England from Ohio)

The nice lady behind the counter says "You're in luck sir we have one ticket left for Southwest",

And Apollyon67 goes, "How is that gonna help me I need to go the North East. Do You have any flights heading that way??"

And she had to kindly explain that Southwest airlines actually services all parts of the US not just areas in the the South Western US. Man it was a hoot!!!

See how this isn't funny becuase everyone knows is completely false?

Troy · 05-30-2006, 02:44 PM

ah yes, much better humour forum manners must be observed.

all jokes must be properly researched first eh? oh screw it, good one Apollyon67, i am guilty of laughing as well.

Oxford · 05-30-2006, 02:56 PM

I'm rating this joke as very funny on a scale of: duh, dumb, so-so, ok, funny, very funny, gut-busting.

Hope to see more of these stories in the humor room.:right: It sure beats some of the jokes that I've posted.:nod:

Apollyon67 · 06-02-2006, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carbaxp

Hey, anyone want to hear a True Story? It happened this weekend.
I was hanging out with my buddy, a long time friend named Apollyon67; and we're at the airport, as we go up to the ticket counter I get my ticket wait for him to get his. (We're flying to New England from Ohio)
The nice lady behind the counter says "You're in luck sir we have one ticket left for Southwest",
And Apollyon67 goes, "How is that gonna help me I need to go the North East. Do You have any flights heading that way??"
And she had to kindly explain that Southwest airlines actually services all parts of the US not just areas in the the South Western US. Man it was a hoot!!!
See how this isn't funny becuase everyone knows is completely false?

But why would Southwest Airlines fly to the northeast? Wouldn't they call themselves Northeast Airlines if they flew there?

Troy · 06-02-2006, 02:15 PM

and there ya go, makes perfect sense to me.

Oxford · 06-02-2006, 03:42 PM

Since when was the Establishment System logical? So...hop on Southwest Airlines to go northwest...and Northwest Airlines to go southwest. It's so logical that it blows my mind.

That's enough to cause me to hop on my John Deere mower and drive in circles around my yard once or twice a week. Who needs a to go on vacation when you can travel around and around and around and around till all the mice and rabbits jump out of the smaller and smaller circle.

That's when my neighbors on the side can take easy pot shots at all the lawn game that's trying to find quick cover till dark...when they head for my garden for an easy meal.

Otter · 06-02-2006, 05:18 PM

How many Southwest pilots does it take to fly a MD88?

two and a fifth.

Troy · 06-03-2006, 01:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oxford

That's enough to cause me to hop on my John Deere mower and drive in circles around my yard once or twice a week. Who needs a to go on vacation when you can travel around and around and around and around till all the mice and rabbits jump out of the smaller and smaller circle.
That's when my neighbors on the side can take easy pot shots at all the lawn game that's trying to find quick cover till dark...when they head for my garden for an easy meal.

that sounds like so much fun i think i'll try that.

05-22-2006, 12:54 PM	#1
Apollyon67 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Southern Maryland Posts: 2,228 Trader Rating: (0)	Travel issues Cara Coleman, a travel agent for thirty years in our nation's capital, has this to report: "This is why we're in trouble! I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Cape town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape town is in Massachusetts. Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape town is in Africa." Her response.( click). A se nior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state!" I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, No." She said, "But they look so close on the map. An aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between the gates to save time." An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a. m. and got into Chicago at 8:33 a. m. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that! A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines normally put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with th e airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that is very rude?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing), I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?" I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them." A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, FL. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter pla ne. She said, "Yeah, whatever!" A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!" A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your ma p!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said. Now you know why Government is in the shape that it's in!!!!! __________________ "To err is human, to repent divine; to persist devilish." Ben Franklin

05-22-2006, 01:13 PM	#2
carbaxp Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 40 Trader Rating: (0)	This is entirely False!!! And looks to be copied and pasted directly from www.SNOPES.com http://www.snopes.com/travel/trap/congress.asp The government is far from perfect, but the country in tougher shape becuase of people like you. Stop Crying Wolf every time you see a puppy.

05-22-2006, 01:22 PM	#3
Apollyon67 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Southern Maryland Posts: 2,228 Trader Rating: (0)	Pardon me, but it is in the Humor forum. I figured that was enough to let folks know it was supposed to be funny. As for crying wolf when I see a puppy? Naa. Not gonna happen. If I see a wolf I will skin it myself. Thank you for your input however. __________________ "To err is human, to repent divine; to persist devilish." Ben Franklin

05-22-2006, 02:21 PM	#4
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 12,981 Trader Rating: (0)	Apollyon67...That was a very funny post...and I'm sure it's 100% true or you wouldn't have posted it in the humor room. Now I'm absolutely certain there wouldn't be anything in the humor room that hasn't been screened by the NSA...and or the g&g moderators. Therefore, I'll laugh at the comments in your post and must admit that I've already sent it on to my traveling friends who need a little humor today.:nod: __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".

05-22-2006, 02:35 PM	#5
jerry Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 10,760 Trader Rating: (0)	Yup, I came to the humor room to read a joke or two, and looky there a funny by Apollyon, & I laughed. Humor forum ops check's good. __________________

05-30-2006, 10:33 AM	#6
carbaxp Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 40 Trader Rating: (0)	Hey, anyone want to hear a True Story? It happened this weekend. I was hanging out with my buddy, a long time friend named Apollyon67; and we're at the airport, as we go up to the ticket counter I get my ticket wait for him to get his. (We're flying to New England from Ohio) The nice lady behind the counter says "You're in luck sir we have one ticket left for Southwest", And Apollyon67 goes, "How is that gonna help me I need to go the North East. Do You have any flights heading that way??" And she had to kindly explain that Southwest airlines actually services all parts of the US not just areas in the the South Western US. Man it was a hoot!!! See how this isn't funny becuase everyone knows is completely false? Last edited by carbaxp; 05-30-2006 at 01:07 PM.

05-30-2006, 02:44 PM	#7
Troy Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Manitoba Canada Posts: 2,502 Trader Rating: (0)	ah yes, much better humour forum manners must be observed. all jokes must be properly researched first eh? oh screw it, good one Apollyon67, i am guilty of laughing as well. Last edited by Troy; 05-30-2006 at 02:54 PM.

05-30-2006, 02:56 PM	#8
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 12,981 Trader Rating: (0)	I'm rating this joke as very funny on a scale of: duh, dumb, so-so, ok, funny, very funny, gut-busting. Hope to see more of these stories in the humor room.:right: It sure beats some of the jokes that I've posted.:nod: __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".

06-02-2006, 02:15 PM	#10
Troy Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Manitoba Canada Posts: 2,502 Trader Rating: (0)	and there ya go, makes perfect sense to me.

06-02-2006, 03:42 PM	#11
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 12,981 Trader Rating: (0)	Since when was the Establishment System logical? So...hop on Southwest Airlines to go northwest...and Northwest Airlines to go southwest. It's so logical that it blows my mind. That's enough to cause me to hop on my John Deere mower and drive in circles around my yard once or twice a week. Who needs a to go on vacation when you can travel around and around and around and around till all the mice and rabbits jump out of the smaller and smaller circle. That's when my neighbors on the side can take easy pot shots at all the lawn game that's trying to find quick cover till dark...when they head for my garden for an easy meal. __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".

06-02-2006, 05:18 PM	#12
Otter Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Vermont Posts: 940 Trader Rating: (0)	How many Southwest pilots does it take to fly a MD88? two and a fifth. __________________ Life is too important to be taken seriously.