Idle Thoughts Of A Retired Person:

Oxford · 06-01-2006, 01:00 PM

-I planted some birdseed. A bird came up.

Now I don't know what to feed it.

-I had amnesia once -- or twice.

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

-Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

-All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

-If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.

-What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

-They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.

-Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when

he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

-Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

-Experience is the thing you have left

when everything else is gone.

-What if there were no hypothetical questions?

-The shampoo promised me extra body,

and I gained three pounds.

-One nice thing about egotists:

They don't talk about other people.

-When the only tool you own is a hammer,

every problem begins to look like a 20 penny nail.

-A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

-What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? Hmmmm?

-My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

-I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

-The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

-How can there be self-help "groups"?

-Is there another word for synonym?

-Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

-The speed of time is one-second per second.

-Is it possible to be totally partial?

-What's another word for thesaurus?

-Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

-If swimming is so good for your figure,

how do you explain whales?

-It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

-Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings

taste like chicken?

Beer Forever · 06-01-2006, 01:54 PM

Reading all that rambling has reminded me how bad I wish I was retired! I am so jealous

Oxford · 06-01-2006, 04:15 PM

I need to find more to do with my time, now that I'm retired...except that I retired my watch, too, and who's watching the time?:nod:

Beer Forever · 06-01-2006, 04:18 PM

You should go on the road as a stand up comedian. I know you have the material.

Oxford · 06-01-2006, 04:35 PM

That post was plagarized...except the part I received in an email and copied onto a thread in the Humor Room. I seldom have an original thought to post because my wife tells me everything I know. She'll verify that. I got that way living with her for over 44 years.:guitar:

Beer Forever · 06-01-2006, 04:38 PM

Wow! I thought over 5 years was a lot. I am about to go insane.:uzi:

Oxford · 06-01-2006, 04:42 PM

SKS...multipy that 5 by 8 and add 4+ and you'll understand why I'm like I am.

burd1959 · 06-01-2006, 05:19 PM

Ox You Got To Much Time For Thinking Youll Get A Head Ache

Oxford · 06-01-2006, 05:25 PM

Burd...I've been on idle since retiring 8 years ago. Sometimes I'm on cruise control and drive mindlessly straight ahead.:guitar:

Troy · 06-01-2006, 11:46 PM

excellent Ox, loved reading that.

06-01-2006, 01:00 PM	#1
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 13,023 Blog Entries: 4	Idle Thoughts Of A Retired Person: -I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. -I had amnesia once -- or twice. I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what? -Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. -All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. -If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle. -What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? -They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them. -Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway. -Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long. -Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone. -What if there were no hypothetical questions? -The shampoo promised me extra body, and I gained three pounds. -One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. -When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a 20 penny nail. -A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. -What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? Hmmmm? -My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies. -I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. -The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. -How can there be self-help "groups"? -Is there another word for synonym? -Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? -The speed of time is one-second per second. -Is it possible to be totally partial? -What's another word for thesaurus? -Is Marx's tomb a communist plot? -If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? -It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one. -Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken? __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".

06-01-2006, 04:15 PM	#3
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 13,023 Blog Entries: 4	I need to find more to do with my time, now that I'm retired...except that I retired my watch, too, and who's watching the time?:nod: __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".

06-01-2006, 04:35 PM	#5
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 13,023 Blog Entries: 4	That post was plagarized...except the part I received in an email and copied onto a thread in the Humor Room. I seldom have an original thought to post because my wife tells me everything I know. She'll verify that. I got that way living with her for over 44 years.:guitar: __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".

06-01-2006, 04:42 PM	#7
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 13,023 Blog Entries: 4	SKS...multipy that 5 by 8 and add 4+ and you'll understand why I'm like I am. __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".

06-01-2006, 05:25 PM	#9
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 13,023 Blog Entries: 4	Burd...I've been on idle since retiring 8 years ago. Sometimes I'm on cruise control and drive mindlessly straight ahead.:guitar: __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".

06-01-2006, 01:54 PM	#2
Beer Forever Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Tucson, AZ Posts: 2,714	Reading all that rambling has reminded me how bad I wish I was retired! I am so jealous

06-01-2006, 04:18 PM	#4
Beer Forever Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Tucson, AZ Posts: 2,714	You should go on the road as a stand up comedian. I know you have the material.

06-01-2006, 04:38 PM	#6
Beer Forever Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Tucson, AZ Posts: 2,714	Wow! I thought over 5 years was a lot. I am about to go insane.:uzi:

06-01-2006, 05:19 PM	#8
burd1959 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: burton michigan Posts: 606	Ox You Got To Much Time For Thinking Youll Get A Head Ache

06-01-2006, 11:46 PM	#10
Troy Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Manitoba Canada Posts: 2,501 Images: 3	excellent Ox, loved reading that.