The things you learn at the movies...

Doglips · 06-28-2002, 10:00 PM

The things you learn at the movies...

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

Most dogs are immortal.

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. Even a bad German accent will do.

If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

Continued on Monday...Have A Great Weekend...

Sniper[MI] · 06-30-2002, 05:15 PM

Good observations Doglips!

You may also want to add,

Any car will explode just after the hero or victim barely makes it to safety.

Any car that does explode does so with the force of a 500lb bomb and the car has enough fuel to run 6 races at Daytona.

Any car that crashes will also miraculously hit that pipe ramp in the street, flip roll and land on it's roof, before exploding of course.

Your comments about the guns is also great and inspired a thought I had when watching the movie, "The Last Man Standing." Just how many clips did Bruce Willis have? What was their capacity? And how the hell did he truck all that ammo around with him? Who loaded all the clips? And did he ever retrieve them after ejecting them to the floor?:nod: :nod:

Oxford · 06-30-2002, 05:52 PM

Great comments, Doglips. I keep enjoying your jokes.

Oxford:nod:

Klaus · 06-30-2002, 07:36 PM

You also forgot that ALL time bombs have big red LEDS showing the countdown, and most beep, too.

Big Dog · 07-01-2002, 09:40 AM

Additional observations:

Immediately after a major firefight with full auto weapons, there is never any pesky brass cluttering the ground.

The bad guys can't hit the good guy with a scoped sniper rifle, but the good guy can always pop the bad guy fromm 100 yards away with a snubby .38 or compact 9mm.

A car suffering a collision will always blow up.

The good guy can always dive out of the way of any explosion.

Any computer problem can be fixed by a precocious ten year old kid.

The good guy never gets serious till either his girl friend or his dog is killed.

A mild steel buldozer blade will stop any machinegun fire.

LAW rockets work fine from inside a small room or vehicle.

Most LAW rockets are good for several shots.

06-28-2002, 10:00 PM	#1
Doglips Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Cocoa Florida Posts: 9,090 Trader Rating: (0)	The things you learn at the movies... The things you learn at the movies... During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555. Most dogs are immortal. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -even if you haven't been carrying any before now. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. Even a bad German accent will do. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. Continued on Monday...Have A Great Weekend...

06-30-2002, 05:15 PM	#2
Sniper[MI] Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Future 51st state, "New Hope" Posts: 3,796 Trader Rating: (0)	Love it! Good observations Doglips! You may also want to add, Any car will explode just after the hero or victim barely makes it to safety. Any car that does explode does so with the force of a 500lb bomb and the car has enough fuel to run 6 races at Daytona. Any car that crashes will also miraculously hit that pipe ramp in the street, flip roll and land on it's roof, before exploding of course. Your comments about the guns is also great and inspired a thought I had when watching the movie, "The Last Man Standing." Just how many clips did Bruce Willis have? What was their capacity? And how the hell did he truck all that ammo around with him? Who loaded all the clips? And did he ever retrieve them after ejecting them to the floor?:nod: :nod: __________________ FNUH!

06-30-2002, 05:52 PM	#3
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 12,948 Trader Rating: (0)	Great comments, Doglips. I keep enjoying your jokes. Oxford:nod: __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".

06-30-2002, 07:36 PM	#4
Klaus Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Cypress, Texas Posts: 2,383 Trader Rating: (0)	You also forgot that ALL time bombs have big red LEDS showing the countdown, and most beep, too. __________________ "Gee, Wally, Eddie Haskel's mom puts out!"

07-01-2002, 09:40 AM	#5
Big Dog Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Tallahassee, Florida Posts: 10,020 Trader Rating: (0)	Additional observations: Immediately after a major firefight with full auto weapons, there is never any pesky brass cluttering the ground. The bad guys can't hit the good guy with a scoped sniper rifle, but the good guy can always pop the bad guy fromm 100 yards away with a snubby .38 or compact 9mm. A car suffering a collision will always blow up. The good guy can always dive out of the way of any explosion. Any computer problem can be fixed by a precocious ten year old kid. The good guy never gets serious till either his girl friend or his dog is killed. A mild steel buldozer blade will stop any machinegun fire. LAW rockets work fine from inside a small room or vehicle. Most LAW rockets are good for several shots. __________________ Moderator of: AR15/M16, M14/M1A, New/Beginning Shooters and Militaria/Collectables.