More on marriage

troy2000 · 06-18-2007, 11:54 PM

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the **** was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.

Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so are thunder and lightning.

Don't get married; just find someone you hate and buy them a house.

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back it is yours,
If it doesn't it never was...
...and if it just sits there on the sofa watching TV, unaware that it's been set free, you probably married it.

chrish · 06-24-2007, 01:45 AM

heres a good one

One Man Writes:
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I've never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

troy2000 · 06-24-2007, 01:49 PM

If there are any women on the jury, she's going to walk for sure on a murder 1 count.

TexasT · 06-24-2007, 02:21 PM

That wife in your story, Troy, must have signed a pre-nup.

billy · 06-24-2007, 02:24 PM

you could just skip a step and build someone you hate a house!

cubbieman · 06-24-2007, 10:04 PM

that's usually cheaper

06-18-2007, 11:54 PM	#1
troy2000 Resident Armed Liberal Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Southern California Posts: 9,459 Images: 9	More on marriage A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the **** was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!" "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies. A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence. Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so are thunder and lightning. Don't get married; just find someone you hate and buy them a house. Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it is yours, If it doesn't it never was... ...and if it just sits there on the sofa watching TV, unaware that it's been set free, you probably married it. __________________ If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. -Anatole France

06-24-2007, 01:49 PM	#3
troy2000 Resident Armed Liberal Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Southern California Posts: 9,459 Images: 9	If there are any women on the jury, she's going to walk for sure on a murder 1 count. __________________ If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. -Anatole France

06-24-2007, 02:21 PM	#4
TexasT Mrs. HMFIC Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Everywhere you want to be. Posts: 4,213 Blog Entries: 16	That wife in your story, Troy, must have signed a pre-nup. __________________ I'm just a little bit caught in the middle. Life is a maze. Love is a riddle.

06-24-2007, 02:24 PM	#5
billy spiritual counselor Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: a secret lab on the shores of lake titicaca Posts: 12,157 Images: 9 Blog Entries: 146	you could just skip a step and build someone you hate a house! __________________

06-24-2007, 01:45 AM	#2
chrish Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: IOWA Posts: 373	heres a good one One Man Writes: I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I've never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?" I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

06-24-2007, 10:04 PM	#6
cubbieman Senior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Alaska Posts: 1,481	that's usually cheaper