06-25-2007, 08:52 PM
| #1 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: IOWA
Posts: 373
| Kids The teacher walks into class and says "We are going to play a game today children. I will stick my hand into this bag and describe an object. You will then guess what the object is." She stuck her hand in the bag and said "I fell something long and yellow." A little boy yells "TEACHER! TEACHER! Is it a banana?" and she says "No, it's a squash, but I like your imagination." She then describes "I feel something round and red." The boy yells "TEACHER! TEACHER! Is it a tomato?" and she replied "No, it's an apple, but i like your imagination." He then yells "TEACHER! TEACHER! Can I try?" She says okay and he walks to the front of the room. He sticks his hand in his pocket and says " I feel something round, hard, and it has a head." The teacher is furious and tells him to go to the principals office. He then explains, "No, it's a quarter, but I like your imagination." 1 more George Bush goes into a Kiddies class in a school, the teacher says, this is the president of the USA, he wants to ask a question! Ok children, can anyone tell me what the definition of tragedy is? A little girl puts her hand up! Ok go on, Well my friend got hit by a car and broke her leg, that’s a tragedy! Nope says the President, that is unfortunate, but not a tragedy, next! A little boy says, if a bus full of children go over a cliff and the bus explodes and they all die, that’s a tragedy! Nope says the President, that would be and accident, Little Paddy puts his hand up! You and Mrs Bush are on air force one and the plane gets shot out of the sky and you both died, that would be a tragedy? Yes correct, how did you manage to figure it out! Well says Paddy, it wouldn’t be unfortunate and it wouldn't be an accident either! Last edited by chrish; 06-25-2007 at 09:00 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost |
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06-25-2007, 09:17 PM
| #3 |
| Senior Member   Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas
Posts: 10,678
| I liked them both |
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06-25-2007, 09:41 PM
| #4 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: May 2007 Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,481
| they're both old |
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06-25-2007, 09:41 PM
| #5 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,013
| I like em both............
__________________ http://img406.imageshack.us/img406/1...eehobosig9.png |
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06-25-2007, 10:42 PM
| #6 | |
| Resident Armed Liberal   | So? Quote:
__________________ If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. -Anatole France | |
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06-25-2007, 11:59 PM
| #7 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: IOWA
Posts: 373
| A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by color and flavor. The children began to say: Red...............cherry, Yellow............lemon, Green.............lime, Orange............orange. Finally the teacher gave them all honey lifesavers. After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste. Well, " he said "I'll give you all a clue, It's what your mother may call your father at times." One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled: "Oh My God!!!! They're arseholes!" Last edited by chrish; 06-26-2007 at 11:40 AM. |
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06-26-2007, 12:49 AM
| #8 |
| Senior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,481
| haha troy last one was good too |
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07-06-2007, 10:31 PM
| #9 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: IOWA
Posts: 373
| Why Parents Drink -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. " Hello ? " "Is your daddy home?" he asked. " Yes ," whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?" The child whispered, " No " Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" " Yes ." "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No ." Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?" " Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ". Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" " No, he's busy ", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" " Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer. Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?" " A helicopter " answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter " Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?" Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... " ME ."  this one is intertaining for the ladys, not dirty. The WASH CLOTH There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this!) I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early One morning, I received A call from the doctor's office to tell me there was A cancellation and The 9:30am appointment was available. I took it. I had Only just packed Everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't Have Any time To spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when Making such visits, But this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full Effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was Sitting next to The sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to Make Sure I was at least Presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes Basket, donned some Clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the Procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked Over at the other Side of the room and pretended that I Was in Paris or some Other such glamorous Place a million miles away. I was a little surprise When the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra Effort this morning, Haven't we?" I didn't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of Relief and went home. The rest Of the Day was normal... Some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out From the Bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No!!!". Now wait for it......., this is too funny not to be true!! She yelled, " I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all My glitter And sparkles saved inside it." Last edited by chrish; 07-06-2007 at 10:42 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost |
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