01-07-2008, 10:58 PM
| #1 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Keystone Hieghts FL
Posts: 325
| Daddys rules for dating! Daddy's Rules for Dating Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) : Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.' Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine Thought you guys might enjoy this. |
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01-07-2008, 11:06 PM
| #2 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: new albany in.
Posts: 911
| sounds good to me. i have 3 daughters. 
__________________ LAND OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE! |
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01-07-2008, 11:35 PM
| #3 |
| Shoot 'Em Up    Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Springdale, Arkansas
Posts: 3,522
| Heehee, that was a good one
__________________ "Recoil lasts for a second, gravity lasts forever" |
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01-08-2008, 12:05 AM
| #4 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Manitoba Canada
Posts: 2,489
| i have two daughters and the guys in school would think that list pretty much sums up how i treat them when they come knocking. |
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01-08-2008, 01:07 AM
| #5 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas
Posts: 10,151
| I like the part where the feller puts on the camo make up...If I had a daughter thats what I'd do when the date arrived to pick her up and I might be wearing black or camo and I'd tell the little bag of rageing hormones I might follow you, watch your back and then I'd put the Rambo knife back into it's holster. This thought just occured to me for you Fathers of Daughters. Go buy you some Pig balls or cow and put in one of those big pickle jars. Fill the jar with water or alcohol and put it where the feller takeing out your daughter can see them. When he asks what are those ? Say they belonged to the kid that took out my daughter before you...A.H |
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01-08-2008, 01:18 AM
| #6 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: The great northwest
Posts: 832
| Jeez, I think a dated your daughter once. You scare the sh*t out of us young guys.
__________________ turning up the radio, got just enough religion and a half tank of gas... |
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01-08-2008, 01:18 AM
| #7 |
| Member  Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: central IL
Posts: 75
| Loved the tips! I was a Hanna City boy who dated a girl from Elmwood, about 15 miles away. Fast forward 20 years and my daughter starts dating. We are now living in Elmwood (I married that Elmwood girl.) My daughter informs me that her date is coming over and as per the rules will come in and meet us. My query about where this fellow from is met with "Hanna City." Chit! I am thinking about right now that I ought to meet him in the drive with a shot gun 'cause I had already lived the Hanna City boy/Elmwood girl scenario and if this punk from Hanna City was anything like me, well, I was going to be strongly disappointed in him! But the wife over-ruled me so when he came in I left him sitting in the living room on the edge of the couch for several minutes. When I went out he jumped to his feet and stuck out his hand and I grabbed it on the very firm side and said "Sorry to keep you waiting but I was just finishing up on cleaning my guns and sharpening up some of my knives!" Wish to this day I had a picture of that slack jawed look on his face! Well I gave that boy an SKS for Christmas a few weeks ago. This is about 14 years after that first meeting and over 12 years since he married my daughter. I guess we are gonna keep him around. |
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01-08-2008, 05:31 AM
| #8 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 987
| See, this is why I've never had problems. If I came to a girl's house and her father was cleaning his gun...we'd probably end up talking and bonding about guns. - Coeloptera |
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01-08-2008, 07:40 AM
| #9 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: North Carolina
Posts: 724
| My girlfriend's dad would mention guns and would regret it because I would talk his ear off and ask him questions that he didn't know the answers to.
__________________ If there's nothing worth dying for, there's nothing worth living for.  |
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01-08-2008, 07:48 AM
| #10 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas
Posts: 10,151
| Back when I was dateing chicks I didn't pay no attenion to Daddy and Mommys... just like yall !!! My brains wasn't in the head I wear on my shoulders, they was located some where else !  |
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01-08-2008, 01:39 PM
| #11 | |
| Resident Armed Liberal  Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Southern California
Posts: 8,160
|  Quote:
__________________ If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. -Anatole France | |
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01-08-2008, 01:50 PM
| #12 | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 217
| Quote:
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01-08-2008, 02:43 PM
| #13 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Walterboro, SC
Posts: 1,025
| lol Those are some great rules! I'm gonna have to use them when my younger sisters start bringing guys around...
__________________ Doing the unexpected makes the unexpected the expected and thus the expected becomes the unexpected. |
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