FOR THE LOVE OF BEANS !

ArkansasHunter · 01-15-2008, 04:25 PM

For the love of beans

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, " He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.

Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cabbage cooking.

Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a Happy Birthday!!!

andrew cochran · 01-15-2008, 05:14 PM

You made me laugh off my chair! LOL I got to ask where do you come up with such good humor!

stitchclimber · 01-15-2008, 05:25 PM

now that's classic

IT reminds me of this commercial

YouTube - Girl Farts in Car

neophyte · 01-15-2008, 05:30 PM

AH: dadgumit, done went and spit all over the monitor again.

not to mention my wet pants

mym1a · 01-15-2008, 05:31 PM

that must of made her panty hose swell??

I thought men were the only culprits of this crime??
my my ???

Earl Easter · 01-15-2008, 08:09 PM

AH
Thats a funny story. I have to watch it most of the time or i have to clean up. I always tell the farmers down the way its going to be a good week when ya have a accident. They got a kick out of that. Their 92 and 96 years old. Gave them a good recipe for butter bean soup with milk, velveeta cheese, and garlic. Only "joan of arc beans". That's all us old guys need to survive, along with a good baked loaf of bread. I have'nt seen them fellers in a few days, maybe i best check on them tomorrow. Thanks for the laugh. Stitchclimber
Played a few of those clips... had to stop after the third one and run to the outhouse..... Thank you also.

.22guy · 01-15-2008, 09:07 PM

This joke stinks!

ArkansasHunter · 01-15-2008, 10:14 PM

Stitch I loved those clips I even had a friend have that happen to him LOL

Cyrano · 01-16-2008, 08:02 AM

You mean people still use beepers? I thought they were extinct!

Big Dog · 01-16-2008, 08:45 AM

In my USAF days, I had to do the occasional "Jet-Cal" test on the T-birds - which entailed crawling up the slender tailpipe with the heater elements for the EGT sensors. Yep, the ol' Dawg was a slimmer pup in those days!
I had eaten breakfast one fine morning - lots of scrambled eggs and sausage.
Up the arse-end of the bird, I 'got the urge'. I cut a BIG one . . .
PHEWWW . . . The other guys say they never seen a man slide backwards out of a tailpipe that quick!
If they'd lit a match - we'd have had the world's only T-33A with an AFTERBURNER!!

Windwalker · 01-16-2008, 08:55 AM

A.H. you did it again. Thanks for making my days start with a laugh.

ArkansasHunter · 02-16-2008, 02:07 AM

I like fart jokes !!

alpo · 02-16-2008, 07:44 AM

Funny!!!!! LOL

Seabeescotty · 02-16-2008, 10:32 AM

Well, I'm in trouble again!! Made such a mess here at the 'puter, I,m gonna be banned for a week!!ROTFLMAO!!!

270wsm · 02-16-2008, 10:48 AM

DANG....A.H.
That was a good one!

ArkansasHunter · 02-16-2008, 12:42 PM

This joke reminds me of the guy who had a birthday, his sexey secratary knew it was his birthday and told him she had a birthday present for him he would really really like it and that he would have to take her to her apartment to receive it.
Well this feller didn't waist anytime so he said lets go !!!
When they were inside her apartment she said I'm going to change into something more comfortable, wait right there.
Well this feller went to tearing all his clothes off and once he was buck naked he flopped down on the couch.
The sexy secratary called out from her bed room I'm ready here I come !
And out walks this fellers wife carrying a birthday cake and there friends was following behind her.
Anythang is possible...A.H

snuffysmith · 02-16-2008, 09:20 PM

AH, I think I got ya; and I quote "Not only was it loud, it stunk like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill." Only someone from So. Ar. would know what them pulpwood mills smelled like. LOL
I lived in Camden for 16 yrs, Crossett for 2 and worked all over So. Ar. for six.
That added a touch of reality to the joke, I loved it!!!

Snuffy

ArkansasHunter · 02-16-2008, 09:26 PM

Hey cuzzin Snuffy my wife and I use to go to a place in Camden to eat and you always knew you were getting close because of the smell LOL...I ran part of my Route in Camden and the people that lived there said it smeeled like money !

I.P. shut that plant down and if it were not for all the Military Contractors there it would be a Ghost town...A.H

snuffysmith · 02-17-2008, 03:38 AM

Hey AH, smelling like money was their favorite expression. When I first moved to Camden, I managed a steakhouse for a man named Al Gay from Boston, Mass. and he had the accent also.
One evening just at dusk, he & I were standing outside waiting for things to start up; the wind was out of the south and Int. Paper was in rare form. Mr. Gay took a deep breath and in a very strong accent, spoke the following phrase :... " G*d, it's like being trapped inside a faart."
I realized he was right after laughing my insides out.

Snuffy

spurrit · 03-13-2008, 06:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Earl Easter

AH
Thats a funny story. I have to watch it most of the time or i have to clean up. I always tell the farmers down the way its going to be a good week when ya have a accident. They got a kick out of that. Their 92 and 96 years old. Gave them a good recipe for butter bean soup with milk, velveeta cheese, and garlic. Only "joan of arc beans". That's all us old guys need to survive, along with a good baked loaf of bread. I have'nt seen them fellers in a few days, maybe i best check on them tomorrow. Thanks for the laugh. Stitchclimber
Played a few of those clips... had to stop after the third one and run to the outhouse..... Thank you also.

Care to share that butterbean recipe?

01-15-2008, 04:25 PM	#1
ArkansasHunter Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas Posts: 10,984	FOR THE LOVE OF BEANS ! For the love of beans Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, " He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cabbage cooking. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a Happy Birthday!!!

01-15-2008, 05:14 PM	#2
andrew cochran Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Little town in ARKANSAW! Posts: 2,320	You made me laugh off my chair! LOL I got to ask where do you come up with such good humor! __________________ If you don't have anything good to say... Don't say it!

01-15-2008, 05:30 PM	#4
neophyte Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 4,347 Blog Entries: 2	pants AH: dadgumit, done went and spit all over the monitor again. not to mention my wet pants __________________ Craig May the Lord's face radiate with joy because of you. Numbers 6:24

01-15-2008, 05:31 PM	#5
mym1a Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,313	that must of made her panty hose swell?? I thought men were the only culprits of this crime?? my my ??? Last edited by mym1a; 01-15-2008 at 05:37 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

01-15-2008, 09:07 PM	#7
.22guy Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 4,255	This joke stinks! __________________ My first priority will be to reinstate the assault weapons ban as soon as I take office.

01-15-2008, 08:09 PM	#6
Earl Easter Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 781 Images: 20	AH Thats a funny story. I have to watch it most of the time or i have to clean up. I always tell the farmers down the way its going to be a good week when ya have a accident. They got a kick out of that. Their 92 and 96 years old. Gave them a good recipe for butter bean soup with milk, velveeta cheese, and garlic. Only "joan of arc beans". That's all us old guys need to survive, along with a good baked loaf of bread. I have'nt seen them fellers in a few days, maybe i best check on them tomorrow. Thanks for the laugh. Stitchclimber Played a few of those clips... had to stop after the third one and run to the outhouse..... Thank you also.

01-15-2008, 10:14 PM	#8
ArkansasHunter Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas Posts: 10,984	Stitch I loved those clips I even had a friend have that happen to him LOL Last edited by ArkansasHunter; 01-15-2008 at 10:20 PM.

01-16-2008, 08:02 AM	#9
Cyrano Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: New York Posts: 2,993	You mean people still use beepers? I thought they were extinct!

01-16-2008, 08:45 AM	#10
Big Dog Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Tallahassee, Florida Posts: 10,412	In my USAF days, I had to do the occasional "Jet-Cal" test on the T-birds - which entailed crawling up the slender tailpipe with the heater elements for the EGT sensors. Yep, the ol' Dawg was a slimmer pup in those days! I had eaten breakfast one fine morning - lots of scrambled eggs and sausage. Up the arse-end of the bird, I 'got the urge'. I cut a BIG one . . . PHEWWW . . . The other guys say they never seen a man slide backwards out of a tailpipe that quick! If they'd lit a match - we'd have had the world's only T-33A with an AFTERBURNER!! __________________ Moderator of: AR15/M16, M14/M1A, New/Beginning Shooters and Militaria/Collectables.

01-16-2008, 08:55 AM	#11
Windwalker Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 4,000	A.H. you did it again. Thanks for making my days start with a laugh.

02-16-2008, 02:07 AM	#12
ArkansasHunter Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas Posts: 10,984	I like fart jokes !!

02-16-2008, 07:44 AM	#13
alpo Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Mississippi Posts: 135	Funny!!!!! LOL

02-16-2008, 10:32 AM	#14
Seabeescotty The ol' Coot Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Jay, Oklahoma, God's country. Posts: 4,567 Images: 18 Blog Entries: 1	Well, I'm in trouble again!! Made such a mess here at the 'puter, I,m gonna be banned for a week!!ROTFLMAO!!! __________________ Adapt, improvise, overcome.-Gysgt Highway, Heartbreak Ridge

02-16-2008, 10:48 AM	#15
270wsm Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Georgia Posts: 326 Images: 2	DANG....A.H. That was a good one! __________________ THIS IS MY COMMANDMENT,THAT YE LOVE ONE ANOTHER,AS I HAVE LOVED YOU-Jesus Christ(John15:12)

02-16-2008, 12:42 PM	#16
ArkansasHunter Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas Posts: 10,984	This joke reminds me of the guy who had a birthday, his sexey secratary knew it was his birthday and told him she had a birthday present for him he would really really like it and that he would have to take her to her apartment to receive it. Well this feller didn't waist anytime so he said lets go !!! When they were inside her apartment she said I'm going to change into something more comfortable, wait right there. Well this feller went to tearing all his clothes off and once he was buck naked he flopped down on the couch. The sexy secratary called out from her bed room I'm ready here I come ! And out walks this fellers wife carrying a birthday cake and there friends was following behind her. Anythang is possible...A.H

02-16-2008, 09:20 PM	#17
snuffysmith Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: central Arkansas Posts: 580	AH, I think I got ya; and I quote "Not only was it loud, it stunk like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill." Only someone from So. Ar. would know what them pulpwood mills smelled like. LOL I lived in Camden for 16 yrs, Crossett for 2 and worked all over So. Ar. for six. That added a touch of reality to the joke, I loved it!!! Snuffy __________________ time & weather changes everything KTALGSTO

02-16-2008, 09:26 PM	#18
ArkansasHunter Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas Posts: 10,984	Hey cuzzin Snuffy my wife and I use to go to a place in Camden to eat and you always knew you were getting close because of the smell LOL...I ran part of my Route in Camden and the people that lived there said it smeeled like money ! I.P. shut that plant down and if it were not for all the Military Contractors there it would be a Ghost town...A.H

02-17-2008, 03:38 AM	#19
snuffysmith Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: central Arkansas Posts: 580	Hey AH, smelling like money was their favorite expression. When I first moved to Camden, I managed a steakhouse for a man named Al Gay from Boston, Mass. and he had the accent also. One evening just at dusk, he & I were standing outside waiting for things to start up; the wind was out of the south and Int. Paper was in rare form. Mr. Gay took a deep breath and in a very strong accent, spoke the following phrase :... " G*d, it's like being trapped inside a faart." I realized he was right after laughing my insides out. Snuffy __________________ time & weather changes everything KTALGSTO