Rectum Stretcher

SuckLead · 01-18-2008, 09:50 PM

While she was 'flying' down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'What's your hurry?'

To which she replied, 'I'm late for work.'

'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'

'I'm a rectum stretcher,' she responded.

The cop stammered, 'A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'

'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide.'

'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot butthole?' he asked.

'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...'

Traffic Ticket: $95.00
Court Costs: $45.00
The Look on Cop's Face: PRICELESS

jmp8927 · 01-18-2008, 10:32 PM

LOL

ArkansasHunter · 01-18-2008, 10:36 PM

Priceless is right LOL If I'm ever pulled over I'll use it...A.H

GlockMeister · 01-18-2008, 10:41 PM

Crack me up. Hilarious.

G-Meister

japbyrne · 01-19-2008, 06:30 PM

Classic

neophyte · 01-19-2008, 07:02 PM

She is fine-un. AH do you know her

Windwalker · 01-19-2008, 10:02 PM

Great one. The lady could get away with that A.H. but if you try it we may have to ship you sunlight in a box.lol

SuckLead · 01-19-2008, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Windwalker

Great one. The lady could get away with that A.H. but if you try it we may have to ship you sunlight in a box.lol

Unless the cop thinks he's cute. Then he's got a whole new problem!

Seabeescotty · 01-20-2008, 07:26 AM

Ouch! Too funny! Laffin' my 6 foot butt off!!

snuffysmith · 01-20-2008, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuckLead

Unless the cop thinks he's cute. Then he's got a whole new problem!

Which one, the cop or AH??? LOL

Snuffy

SuckLead · 01-20-2008, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snuffysmith

Which one, the cop or AH??? LOL
Snuffy

Wow, good question!

elmer fudd · 01-24-2008, 06:01 PM

neophyte · 01-24-2008, 06:11 PM

yaw'll aint right

but I like it

Momoney567 · 02-04-2008, 09:40 PM

Writing that down.
=p

270wsm · 02-04-2008, 09:46 PM

HILARIOUS!!!!!!

01-18-2008, 09:50 PM	#1
SuckLead Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: USA Posts: 656	Rectum Stretcher While she was 'flying' down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'What's your hurry?' To which she replied, 'I'm late for work.' 'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?' 'I'm a rectum stretcher,' she responded. The cop stammered, 'A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?' 'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide.' 'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot butthole?' he asked. 'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...' Traffic Ticket: $95.00 Court Costs: $45.00 The Look on Cop's Face: PRICELESS __________________ "Ruin a liberal's day; recite historical fact." - found on a bumper sticker

01-18-2008, 10:32 PM	#2
jmp8927 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Walterboro, SC Posts: 1,211 Images: 17	LOL __________________ Doing the unexpected makes the unexpected the expected and thus the expected becomes the unexpected.

01-18-2008, 10:41 PM	#4
GlockMeister Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Northern Illinois Posts: 6,257	Crack me up. Hilarious. G-Meister __________________ I'd rather be tried by 12 than carried by 6!

01-19-2008, 07:02 PM	#6
neophyte Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 4,347 Blog Entries: 2	know She is fine-un. AH do you know her __________________ Craig May the Lord's face radiate with joy because of you. Numbers 6:24

01-20-2008, 07:26 AM	#9
Seabeescotty The ol' Coot Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Jay, Oklahoma, God's country. Posts: 4,567 Images: 18 Blog Entries: 1	Ouch! Too funny! Laffin' my 6 foot butt off!! __________________ Adapt, improvise, overcome.-Gysgt Highway, Heartbreak Ridge

01-18-2008, 10:36 PM	#3
ArkansasHunter Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas Posts: 10,984	Priceless is right LOL If I'm ever pulled over I'll use it...A.H

01-19-2008, 06:30 PM	#5
japbyrne Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: southern ireland Posts: 16	Classic

01-19-2008, 10:02 PM	#7
Windwalker Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 4,000	Great one. The lady could get away with that A.H. but if you try it we may have to ship you sunlight in a box.lol

01-24-2008, 06:01 PM	#12
elmer fudd Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: pheasant country USA! Posts: 2,029

01-24-2008, 06:11 PM	#13
neophyte Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 4,347 Blog Entries: 2	right yaw'll aint right but I like it __________________ Craig May the Lord's face radiate with joy because of you. Numbers 6:24

02-04-2008, 09:40 PM	#14
Momoney567 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Southern tube Louisiana Posts: 225	Writing that down. =p __________________ Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never found automatic weapons.

02-04-2008, 09:46 PM	#15
270wsm Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Georgia Posts: 326 Images: 2	HILARIOUS!!!!!! __________________ THIS IS MY COMMANDMENT,THAT YE LOVE ONE ANOTHER,AS I HAVE LOVED YOU-Jesus Christ(John15:12)