hot air

rugernut · 02-04-2008, 04:52 PM

A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude
and spots a man fishing from a boat below.

She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would
meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The fisherman consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air
balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above
sea
level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes North latitude and 100 degrees,
49.09 minutes West longitude."

She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"

"I am," replies the fisherman. "How did you know?"

"Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still
lost.
Frankly, you're not much help to me."

The fisherman smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the fisherman, "You don't know where you are or where you're
going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
You
made a promise that you have no idea of how to keep, and now you expect me
to
solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before
we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."

Windwalker · 02-04-2008, 05:08 PM

LOL Very good.

Slow Fuse · 02-04-2008, 06:00 PM

Kudzu is green, My dog's name is Blue, And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk, A-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue's, And without all them fleas.
You move like the bass, Which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales, But I luv you anyway.
You're as graceful as okry, Jist a-dancin' in the pan. Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop, Right out of the can.
You have all yore teeth, For which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits, Well, I'm in hawg heaven!
I'm plumb outta my wits. And speakin' of wits, You've got plenty fer shore. 'Cuz you married me, back in '74.
Still them fellers at work, They all want to know, What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape, Yo're there fer yore man, To patch up life's troubles, And stick 'em in the can.
Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler, Racin' through the mud, Yet fragile as that sanger, Named Naomi Judd.
Yo're as cute as a junebug, A-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like no far ant, Upon which I oft' tread.
Cut from the best pattern, Like a flannel shirt of plaid, You sparked up my life, Like a Rattletrap shad.
When you hold me real tight, Like a padded gunrack, My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection, Like the best vinyl sidin'. Despite all the years, Yore age, it keeps hidin'.
And when you get old, Like a '57 Chevy, Won't put you on blocks, And let grass grow up heavy.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie, With a RC cold drank, We go together; Like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate, For Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart; It's romantic that way.
Some men git roses, On that special day From the cooler at Kroger; "That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds, From a flea market booth. "Diamonds are forever," They explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, These will not do. For you are too special, You sweet thang you.

02-04-2008, 04:52 PM	#1
rugernut Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: TEXAS Posts: 62	hot air A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The fisherman consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes North latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes West longitude." She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!" "I am," replies the fisherman. "How did you know?" "Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me." The fisherman smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat." "I am," replies the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," says the fisherman, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea of how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."

02-04-2008, 05:08 PM	#2
Windwalker Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 3,596	LOL Very good. __________________ America: Love it and protect it or leave it

02-04-2008, 06:00 PM	#3
Slow Fuse Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Just back far enough Posts: 77	Hillbilly Valentine Kudzu is green, My dog's name is Blue, And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk, A-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue's, And without all them fleas. You move like the bass, Which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales, But I luv you anyway. You're as graceful as okry, Jist a-dancin' in the pan. Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop, Right out of the can. You have all yore teeth, For which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits, Well, I'm in hawg heaven! I'm plumb outta my wits. And speakin' of wits, You've got plenty fer shore. 'Cuz you married me, back in '74. Still them fellers at work, They all want to know, What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tape, Yo're there fer yore man, To patch up life's troubles, And stick 'em in the can. Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler, Racin' through the mud, Yet fragile as that sanger, Named Naomi Judd. Yo're as cute as a junebug, A-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like no far ant, Upon which I oft' tread. Cut from the best pattern, Like a flannel shirt of plaid, You sparked up my life, Like a Rattletrap shad. When you hold me real tight, Like a padded gunrack, My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack. Yore complexion, it's perfection, Like the best vinyl sidin'. Despite all the years, Yore age, it keeps hidin'. And when you get old, Like a '57 Chevy, Won't put you on blocks, And let grass grow up heavy. Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie, With a RC cold drank, We go together; Like a skunk goes with stank. Some men, they buy chocolate, For Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart; It's romantic that way. Some men git roses, On that special day From the cooler at Kroger; "That's impressive," I say. Some men buy fine diamonds, From a flea market booth. "Diamonds are forever," They explain, suave and couth. But for this man, honey, These will not do. For you are too special, You sweet thang you.