03-07-2008, 06:43 PM
| #1 |
| Member Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 20
| Some rifle Humor
So on another forum im on someone posted this up its pretty funny! -If You've ever dabbed a little Hoppe's on your neck before going on a date... -If you bought checkering tools, checkered all your gunstocks and are now starting on the bedposts... -If you cannot really recall just how many guns you own... -Surplus ammunition suppliers call you to see if there was anything you were looking for... -If you bought a gun from a gunshop, only to realize you used to own it years ago... -If you've ever shot out a 1911 barrel......... -If you save brass and have a case tumbler, but don't reload... -If you ever stripped the paint off of your car and then blued it -If you've ever bought ammo for a caliber you didn't shoot, thinking that someday you might own a gun in that caliber... -If your computer passwords are gun related... -If your five-year-old can detail strip and fully reassemble an M-1 Garand............ -If you take your guns out of the safe and handle them, just so you can wipe them down before going to bed... -If your local gunsmith calls you for obsolete parts... -If you home-school and use ballistic tables for math lessons... -If your gun safe is bigger than your refrigerator... -If the speedometer on your car is in both m.p.h. and fps... -If you call Brownells and they recognize your voice... -If you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot... -If you understand Smith and Wesson's model numbers... -If you ever bought two different brands of the same bullet just to see which one "shot better"... don't we all do that? -If you've ever had to explain "that it's not the same gun it's a variant!"... -If watching the Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro... -If you cut out your best groups and carry them in your wallet like photos... don't we all do that? -If you've ever gone to a gun show three times in one month, and were excited every time... -If you feel that a golf course is a willful and deliberate misuse of a perfectly good rifle range... -If you ever accidentally seasoned a steak with FFFFg black powder... -If your brass tumbler used to be a small cement mixers. -If you identify the gun on the cover of Dillon's Blue Press before you notice the girl... -If you make $30/hr at work and spent 35 min- on your knees at the range looking for that last piece of .40 brass... I got yelled at for doing this when she was ready to go home -If you have guns in your safes that you can't for the life of you remember how you came by... -If the FBI asks you to identify firearms they can't... -If ammo manufacturers had to layoff workers when you went to Europe for a month's vacation... -If you know the range of every tree in the neighborhood... -if you can tell the caliber of any spent casing just by feel... -If you plead with the gun shop to hold a rifle/shotgun until you have space for it... -If you can't figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you say "Bushmaster"... -If you didn't get that last one because you don't have any "non-shooting" friends... -If your driver's license says "must wear night vision goggles." -If your shoulder is callused... or in your case it has a steel plate and screws... lol -If manufactures ask you how their rifles hold up. -If you get misty eyed every time you sell a gun.. -If you alternate Silvertips, Hydra-Shoks and Black Talons in your magazines because they look prettier that way.......... don't we all do that? -If you guess windage and range every time you look at a road sign... -If you went out to the range this weekend to shoot up ammo, just so you'd have some brass to reload... -RCBS answers your phone calls, "What have YOU dreamed up this time?".............. -if you can name the parts of your post-ban rifle you had to (or want to) swap out to make a legal semi auto AW -if someone asks about the president and you think they're talking about Charlton Heston -if you know the model numbers of your Glocks, how many and what size mags you have, and which are loaded, but have no idea when your anniversary is. -if you've ever had to explain why you need armor piercing rounds to someone -if you don't know that there is a difference between "the Internet" and "Glock Talk" -if you have ever run out of gas in your car, but have never run out of ammo before..... I walked the rest of the way to the range and left my truck there -if you know the serial numbers of your guns, but still get your kids' names mixed up. -if you hold a firearms related record in Guiness book of world records. -if you go to gun shows with a grocery buggy (painted camo of course) -if you had to explain to someone what a "SHTF scenario" is -if the National Guard calls you when things get a little too hot -if you had a gun rack on your bike when you were a kid ..... guilty -if you know why 30-06 is pronounced "thirty alt six" ..... no it's pronounced thirty ott six...... must have been a yankee that wrote that -if you buy all of your clothes at Wal-mart but own some of the most expensive holsters known to man ....... so $100 is too much for a holster? -if your name is on California's AW ban -if you walk up on a conversation about horses and as soon as you hear "colt", you are immediately interested. -if your favorite saint is John Moses Browning. -if your favorite paint color is "gun metal grey". -if you break off on a dissertation on how badly congress screwed Bill Ruger. -if you anticipate another shooting session AS you are putting your guns away at the range. -if you look at Shotgun News the way teenagers look at playboy -if every street sign within 5 miles of your house looks like it came from Chechnya -if you went to college, but owned more gun manuals than text books .... guilty again -if the national guard armory has your phone number on "call block" because you keep making bids on their WWII artillery piece sitting out front -if you carry a backup gun in case the backup for your backup fails. -if you carry concealed at the beach ...... this is beginning to look bad huh? -if third world arms dealers consider you to be the largest gun runner in the world (but you keep all the stuff for yourself) -if you were arrested/questioned about the sniper shootings -if you've filled out more "yellow forms" than income tax forms -if you have your own VIP parking spot at gun shows. -if you hear someone say "it's about 9:45" and you think to yourself "good grief, the 9mm/.45 debate will never end!" -if you sit through a violent movie and aren't bothered by gory violence, but flinch when someone drops a firearm (might scratch it) -if the above has ever brought tears to your eyes -if you have been banned from a movie theater because you always stand up in the middle of the movie and tell everyone you can't fire 30 rounds from a revolver without reloading......... they still wont let me back in -if you ever took apart your Nintendo zapper and installed custom trigger, laser sight, scope, etc. for Duck Hunt -if you have more firearms than friends -if you have insurance covering your guns, but not you -if Hillary Clinton makes your skin crawl. -if you slide your paddle holster on to check your mail. -if you slide your paddle holster on to take out the garbage. -if you find yourself rapidly disassembling/re-assembling your handgun....in the dark.....on the toilet. they forgot about cleaning it -if you drive to work with a $1500 Kimber in a $500 pick-up. my truck sin't worth that much -if you've spent more than twenty minutes writing "you might be a gun nut if's. guess I really am guilty -if your guns are named names usually reserved for people -if you designed your own caliber and built a firearm to fire it ..... working on it -if you grew up with loaded guns all around you, but it never crossed your mind to shoot up your school. -if you've read the Constitution -if you know the second amendment by heart ..... just the important parts -if you know the second amendment translated into more than 3 languages ........ no they can learn it in English -if you used to have a hill as a backstop, but now it has become a 30 foot high mound of pure lead. -if you make your own reloading tools -if you make your own powder -if you don't label your reloading powder, because you can hear the difference when shaking the can -if you have ever read an article in the crime section of the newspaper and read "the suspect had over 200 rounds of ammunition", then assumed it was a misprint. Who in his right mind would get down to only 200 rounds??? -if your CCW is a shotgun -if your CCW is a .50 -if your CCW is a LAW - if you find yourself doing trigger and muzzle control on the bottle of your wife's glass cleaner - if your girlfriend/wife is jealous of the time you spend with your guns - if your wishlist on midwayusa totals up to the price of a new car - if that new car would be a Bentley - if your already thinking about your next gun while your filling out the paperwork on the one you're buying. - if the guys at the local gun shop send you a Christmas card - if you own a guns you haven't shot yet - if you have a room in your house dedicated to guns ... does archery stuff count too? - if when someone says "but what if you don't have a gun with you?" and after 15 minutes you still can comprehend how that would be possible. - if the sound of full auto gun fire makes you feel all warm and fuzzy -if you shook the presents under your tree, and one fired a round out of it. -if you've spent more money at Midway USA, Brownell's, and Cabela's than the companies are worth. -if your will specifies your favorite firearm(s) to be buried with you. -if the Glock talk logo is burned into your monitor. -if you have had a friend who thought knives were soooo cool and dangerous, then you showed him your AK-47 collection -if you wonder why you must renew your CCW license every year, but your marriage license won't expire. -if someone asks how many guns you have, and the answer begins with "about" (i.e. "about 50 or so"). -if you took an ink blot test, and your answers were things like "an AR-15 sear", "bolt release from Ruger 10-22", "firing pin from M1911", etc. -if you know you carry 45 caliber 230 grain full metal jacketed hydra-shock hollow points from Federal, but don't know the color of your wife's eyes.... her eyes are brown........... I think -if you have ever shot a hole in something by accident ..... a buddies floor board of his truck with a 30-30 -if that something was your TV during a Bush/Gore debate -if you buy Hoppe's solvent in 50 gallon drums because your howitzer "likes" it -if the gun show owners let you in free. -if you named a dog after a gun..... fetch Remington....then she had pups: Ruger, Winchester, Heckler, Koch, Glock, Leupold and Weaver -if you name your kids after your guns...... not yet but she isn't due until July -if you time yourself each time you fill out one of those yellow forms, and you're down to a minute flat. -if NICS put your favorite gun dealer on call block. -if you're only dating/marrying a girl so you can shoot her gun collection. -if the wallpaper on your desktop is firearm related -if the wallpaper in a room of your house is firearm related -if you have no wallpaper or house, but live in a dug-out underground bunker to keep your guns safe -if CNN does a report on gun control and shows a table of guns from a gun show, and one of them has your name engraved on the side. -if you carry pictures of your guns in your wallet ...... don't we all do that? -if you ever heard gun shots outside your house late at night, but fell into a state of sheer panic because you couldn't decide which gun to grab. -if your favorites in the computer only have one folder, "guns." -when your wife has .357 sig brass as earrings -at the Tupperware party you show them your Glock -your gold tooth is made of melted brass -you get arrested for possession of a gram of black powder -your kids have Glock as middle names -your kids bike is on a bipod -you go out with bird watchers with a 3 x 9 scope -your walkman is made by Peltor -your kids vocabulary consists; ballistics, trajectory, clusters, magnums, parallax -Your wife loves to shop at Glockstore, Glockmeister, Topglock etc. -You shower the bride and groom with brass -You double tap when knocking on doors -You get excited when you see the Target store logo -You buy your kids a book each and buy yourself five gun magazines -Your tennis attire has Glock logos -Your Golf bag has a gun compartment -You lubricate your kid's bikes with Hoppe's -Your banana holds 40 rounds -Your car is coated with tennifer -You light your charcoal with gun powder -Your kids would rather go to a gun show than Kings Dominion or Disney World -You are the only one with a vest without a camera - If your apartment complex cites -you- as the reason they don't need on-site security. - If someone you've never met comes to your door and says, "I was given your name. Can you help me while I get my stuff out of my boyfriend's/husband's apartment?" - If the person who gave your name is a local Police Officer. - If your local Police Department makes a point of calling you at home to tell you about the sex-offender/felon who just moved into your area. - If you've been in a local gun shop and had a sales clerk ask you a question about a firearm, because no one else in the shop knows the answer. - If the above occurs so they can make a sale. - If one of your local gun shops asks you to come work for them, because you've shown more knowledge than their employees. - If the above occurs at a shop you don't normally frequent. - If your local Police Department asks you what you think about the new handgun they're thinking about issuing. - If you've ever been asked by your local Police Department to bring in one or more of your weapons for them to show off, because they're "Better than this crap we're carrying." - If you've ever gotten out of a ticket by offering to take the Officer shooting. - If you've ever been pulled over by a Police Officer so she can ask you to take her shooting. - If you've ever been pulled over by a local Police Department just so they can ask you a question about one of your weapons, or your ammunition. - If you've ever had people fly into the state, or country, just to fire some of your weapons. - If you've ever talked about your latest acquisition and heard the words, "How the :-)'d you get your hands on that?" - If your name has ever been given to a new recruit at your local Police Department along with the words, "Don't bother asking, he's going to have a gun on him somewhere." - If your boss has ever given you a box of ammunition as a reward for a 'Job Well Done', and you don't work in a firearms friendly place. - If you've ever taken the day off work to go shooting, hunting, to the smith, or to purchase a new handgun, and yet you refuse to call in sick. - If your primary requirement for a soft-side briefcase, for work, is how well it can carry one of your preferred sidearms. |
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03-07-2008, 07:11 PM
| #2 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Edmonds, WA
Posts: 3,639
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This is similar to one of our threads: (You might be a Gun-Nutt)
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03-07-2008, 07:12 PM
| #3 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 1,569
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Good stuff!
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03-07-2008, 07:54 PM
| #4 |
| Senior Member   Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 4,000
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Any feller that at least 10 of those apply to has to be a pretty nice guy or gal.
__________________ America: Love it and protect it or leave it |
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03-07-2008, 08:12 PM
| #5 |
| Member Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 20
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ATLEAST ten apply to me  |
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03-07-2008, 08:17 PM
| #6 | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Edmonds, WA
Posts: 3,639
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03-07-2008, 08:21 PM
| #7 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas
Posts: 10,984
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Dang !!! Did yall read all that LOL I fell a sleep !
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03-07-2008, 08:36 PM
| #8 |
| Member Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 20
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Yep, theyre funny and actually most apply to me...  Just take 10 minutes and read all of it.   |
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03-07-2008, 10:06 PM
| #9 |
| Member  Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Western Colorado
Posts: 99
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Wow, read through it all. And enjoyed it
__________________ "A free people ought to be armed." - George Washington |
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03-08-2008, 02:37 AM
| #11 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Minn.
Posts: 1,240
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Have you been following me? its my life story.
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03-08-2008, 07:33 AM
| #12 |
| MY CAT RUDY ATE SANTA..!!  Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 3,579
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It's about as long as a novel but I did read it......... seabeescotty will get a kick out of this one when he gets home. THANKS !!!
__________________ "Most of the troubles in the world is caused by people wanting to be important". T.S.Eliot |
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03-08-2008, 10:15 AM
| #15 |
| Member Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 20
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42 exactly, im a gun nut!  |
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03-08-2008, 10:30 AM
| #16 |
| Senior Member  |
Dang it my Psychiatrists promissed she would not tell any body about that stuff. LOL
__________________ If total goverment control will make us all safer, then why are prisons so dangerous? |
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03-08-2008, 10:40 AM
| #17 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: North Carolina
Posts: 762
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There's no longer any doubt. I am definately a gun nut.
__________________ If there's nothing worth dying for, there's nothing worth living for.  |
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03-08-2008, 01:13 PM
| #18 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: pheasant country USA!
Posts: 2,029
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That wasnt a thread that was a book! but it was almost all true!
__________________ spur hard, shoot straight, party hardy! |
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03-15-2008, 12:04 PM
| #19 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: The South
Posts: 123
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that gives me an idea to do to my old nintendo zapper
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03-15-2008, 12:10 PM
| #20 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas
Posts: 10,984
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I fell asleep again read'in all that
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