How To Give A Cat A Pill

Brother Bob · 06-21-2008, 09:42 AM

How to Give a Cat a Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away.Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill.Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

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CalifgirlinOk · 06-21-2008, 10:02 AM

I think your talking about my 26 lb.cat Rudy. He's been known to draw blood many times..!!!

MrsS · 06-21-2008, 10:45 AM

LOL...

ArkansasHunter · 06-21-2008, 11:02 AM

After reading that. I would never give a pill to a Cat !!!! LOL

7mmremmag1995 · 06-21-2008, 04:13 PM

lmao

Tigercat200 · 06-21-2008, 09:39 PM

We took our cat to the vet once and they tried to get a urine sample. Sounded like four mountain lions going at it. The vet came out and told us what they were trying to do and she really wasn't killing the cat. Finally, they gave up and told us that she wasn't the worst cat they'd ever dealt with but she was trying really hard for second place.

Remember, dogs have masters and cats have staff.

Bob

LefthandShooter · 06-22-2008, 06:45 AM

I love this! My neighbor is on vacation and I have to givetheir 13 year old cat a pill every day. I just pin her between my legs anf hold her mouth closed. They sid it takes 10 minutes every night and 2 people. I had it done in 1. Guess being raised on a farm did teach me something!
Last night I wanted to carry my new S&W 642 so I loaded it and took it with me to feed and pill the cat. Kid say the gun, looked at me, and said "Going to give the pill to the cat, huh?".

elmer fudd · 06-23-2008, 11:53 AM

lol i hate cats they are so stupid they pee on everything and it smells terrible and then they eat all the food!

mosquitofish · 06-23-2008, 11:59 AM

R R R !!!

Jersey Jailer · 06-23-2008, 01:01 PM

Elmer... I have to agree with you, In my house its: Dogs 4 Cats 0 I've got one Male (Gus) that hates cats too. We had 2 cats that used to sit about 2 ft from his crate and torture him, Gus got out one day... oops Dogs 1 cats 0. The other one I don't know what happened but 4 dogs used her for a taffy pull, Dogs 2 Cats 0 The other 2 were feral barn cats. Dogs (5) were in their pen cats got stupid and were messing with a puppy, puppy welped in terror, Dogs 4 cats 0

LefthandShooter · 06-23-2008, 03:16 PM

I LOVE CATS!
THEY ARE
DELICIOUS!!!!

tonystewartfan · 06-23-2008, 03:26 PM

Here is a little test that will help you decide

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock 40 cal, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think? What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on , could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1 ?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!
I need to discuss this with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican's Answer:

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click . . .
(sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or the Hollow Points?"
Son: "You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?"
Wife: "You are not taking that to the taxidermist."

CalifgirlinOk · 06-23-2008, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elmer fudd

lol i hate cats they are so stupid they pee on everything and it smells terrible and then they eat all the food!

elmer I like cats..!!! My cat doesn't pee on everything he uses his catbox..!!

7mmremmag1995 · 06-27-2008, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LefthandShooter

I LOVE CATS!
THEY ARE
DELICIOUS!!!!

+1

06-21-2008, 09:42 AM	#1
Brother Bob The Mayor Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Olive Branch, MS. Posts: 2,670 Blog Entries: 3	How To Give A Cat A Pill How to Give a Cat a Pill 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.Call spouse from garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away.Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill.Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. How To Give A Dog A Pill 1. Wrap it in bacon. 2. Toss it in the air. Need a new ride? Check out the largest site for U.S. used car listings at AOL Autos. __________________ The Most Expensive Commodity In This Country Is Ignorance!

06-21-2008, 10:02 AM	#2
CalifgirlinOk Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 2,733	I think your talking about my 26 lb.cat Rudy. He's been known to draw blood many times..!!! __________________ "Most of the troubles in the world is caused by people wanting to be important". T.S.Eliot

06-21-2008, 10:45 AM	#3
MrsS Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Originally from the 26th state of the union; now living in the 16th. Posts: 1,386	LOL... __________________ Gun Control...is the ability to hit your target.

06-21-2008, 04:13 PM	#5
7mmremmag1995 Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Kentucky Posts: 1,270 Images: 1 Blog Entries: 1	lmao __________________ Just LeDoux it

06-22-2008, 06:45 AM	#7
LefthandShooter Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: In A House in NE Ohio! Posts: 1,433	I love this! My neighbor is on vacation and I have to givetheir 13 year old cat a pill every day. I just pin her between my legs anf hold her mouth closed. They sid it takes 10 minutes every night and 2 people. I had it done in 1. Guess being raised on a farm did teach me something! Last night I wanted to carry my new S&W 642 so I loaded it and took it with me to feed and pill the cat. Kid say the gun, looked at me, and said "Going to give the pill to the cat, huh?". __________________ A dead bird is still a dead bird.

06-21-2008, 11:02 AM	#4
ArkansasHunter Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas Posts: 10,678	After reading that. I would never give a pill to a Cat !!!! LOL

06-21-2008, 09:39 PM	#6
Tigercat200 Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Middle of the USA Posts: 52	We took our cat to the vet once and they tried to get a urine sample. Sounded like four mountain lions going at it. The vet came out and told us what they were trying to do and she really wasn't killing the cat. Finally, they gave up and told us that she wasn't the worst cat they'd ever dealt with but she was trying really hard for second place. Remember, dogs have masters and cats have staff. Bob

06-23-2008, 11:53 AM	#8
elmer fudd Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: pheasant country USA! Posts: 1,912	lol i hate cats they are so stupid they pee on everything and it smells terrible and then they eat all the food! __________________ spur hard, shoot straight, party hardy!

06-23-2008, 11:59 AM	#9
mosquitofish Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: So. Calif. Posts: 308	R R R !!! __________________ Earth humor

06-23-2008, 01:01 PM	#10
Jersey Jailer Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: SOUTH Jersey Posts: 499	Elmer... I have to agree with you, In my house its: Dogs 4 Cats 0 I've got one Male (Gus) that hates cats too. We had 2 cats that used to sit about 2 ft from his crate and torture him, Gus got out one day... oops Dogs 1 cats 0. The other one I don't know what happened but 4 dogs used her for a taffy pull, Dogs 2 Cats 0 The other 2 were feral barn cats. Dogs (5) were in their pen cats got stupid and were messing with a puppy, puppy welped in terror, Dogs 4 cats 0 __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Austrailian Shepherds are like potato chips... You can't have just one

06-23-2008, 03:16 PM	#11
LefthandShooter Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: In A House in NE Ohio! Posts: 1,433	I LOVE CATS! THEY ARE DELICIOUS!!!! __________________ A dead bird is still a dead bird.

06-23-2008, 03:26 PM	#12
tonystewartfan Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Southern Indiana Posts: 194	Here is a little test that will help you decide You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock 40 cal, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on , could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1 ? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to discuss this with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Republican's Answer: BANG! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Redneck's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click . . . (sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click. Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or the Hollow Points?" Son: "You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?" Wife: "You are not taking that to the taxidermist." __________________ "if guns kill people, then I can blame misspelled words on my pencil.- Larry "The Cable Guy"