Men On A Hike

LiveToShoot · 06-21-2008, 08:35 PM

Female friend just e-mailed this to me...now it's your turn for a laugh from reading it.

Men on a Hike

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.

Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'

Poof! … God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river'

Poof! … God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river'

Poof! … He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

GO AHEAD, SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT!

'If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!'

CalifgirlinOk · 06-22-2008, 04:41 AM

Men and maps don't go together or stopping to ask for directions when they are lost..!!! LOL

neophyte · 06-22-2008, 05:52 AM

LiveToShoot: Sir; that aint right.

Your "Lady" friend; read 'Gary Busey's' account

, Who rules? men or women

LefthandShooter · 06-22-2008, 06:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CalifgirlinOk

stopping to ask for directions when they are lost..!!! LOL

I'm too cheap to not stop and ask for directions. I'd rather look loke a lost fool than waste money spent for gas.

cremley · 06-23-2008, 10:14 AM

you guys should have been in scouts back then and yall could have learned maps and been able to read them like a picture book

. It is the other way around for me. When I was younger, I used to take family road trips with my mom and my brother and my father would usually only get a week off of work and fly out and meet us somewhere. I usually drove but if we went someplace where we needed a map, I switched to navigator because my mother always got us lost. We finally got her a GPS in her car and she still can't figure it out sometimes.

Windwalker · 06-23-2008, 10:59 AM

Bah, feminist harassment. LOL

ArkansasHunter · 06-23-2008, 11:07 AM

That why GPS's were invented...For us guys who don't read maps !!!!!

Capt'n Mil Coll · 06-23-2008, 11:53 AM

Heck I hold a map almost every night. I tell my driver where to turn which side of the street the house is on. What is the best route to get to the car. And occasionally we have to stop and ask directions because the yahoo or mapquest maps failed us. And when we get to the vehicle I get to jump out get it started and get out of Dodge before we have to confront a possible shotgun wielding idiot. (Its not legal to shoot a repo man). I shoot back as well.

mosquitofish · 06-23-2008, 12:03 PM

Why raise the bridge when you can always lower the river?

ArkansasHunter · 06-23-2008, 12:29 PM

When I was a kid there was a big wide ditch that we had to cross to get to a Tree House we had built in the woods.

One day me and my little friends set out after a big rain storm to go play in the Tree House.
Once we came to that big oh ditch we discovered it was full of water and it had a fast current.

As we stood there watching all this water an ideer came me, on how to get across.
Like a lot of kids in the south we had big knives and Boy Scout hatchets.

When I expressed my ideer to my buddys we went in search of the perfect sappling tree to cut, to use, to pole vault across this torrent of water that kept us from getting to our Tree House.

Didn't take long to cut and delimb the sapplin.
But it did take awhile to decide who went first. Well one of my buddys was nic-named Twitch his real name was Eddie.
Eddie had a twitch so thats why he had the nic-name twitch.

Now we wasn't stupid because all of us practised pole vaulting on our side of the ditch until we were satisfied that we could jump the ditch with out falling in the water.

Well Twitch took off in 2 leaps and stuck that saplin in the ditch and off he goes.
He made it !!!

Next I went and I made it !!!
Then Jimmy went and he made !!!
Lastly Kim took off and he made it too, so we left the pole and hiked on to our tree house.

Why I'm I telling this ? I don't know LOL !!! This story made me remember this ! LOL Would I ever do this again ? NOPE !!!

Lizard · 06-23-2008, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CalifgirlinOk

Men and maps don't go together or stopping to ask for directions when they are lost..!!! LOL

When I was about 12, I was out fishing with some friends. Some guy stopped to ask us directions to someone's house and one of the fellers I was with told him to go further on up the road and turn left.

After the tourist left, I asked my friend, "Who was that he was asking about?"

My friend said, "I don't know. I never heard of him."

When I asked him why in the world he would give directions if he didn't know the answer, he said, "Well, he seemed like a nice guy and I just wanted to be helpful."

Since that time, I've never asked for directions unless I had a map with which to compare the information. A lot of people that give directions just have no idea what they're saying.

troy2000 · 06-23-2008, 08:40 PM

In Manhattan one evening in 1968, I asked a passer-by how to get somewhere, and he gave me detailed instructions. After I had walked a block north I asked another guy, just to be sure. He pointed me off to the west at the next intersection...

I asked two more guys. One tried to send me east, and the other tried to send me back south, the way I had come.

I dived into the nearest subway station, and looked at a map. And I never, ever again asked anyone in New York for directions....

Cyrille · 06-30-2008, 08:01 PM

this thread reminds me of a cajun joke. But you may have heard it diffrently.
One day this cajun fella was looking to get from where he was to where he wanted to be but he was lost in a lottle town where he had never been before so he calls boy over and says "hey cher can ya'll tell me if this is the road to Carancro? The kid shakes his head, "well says the cajun, suppose I go to the corner and turn right ---is that the road?" the boy says "me Ah don't know." "Well do you know if it's the road to the left? Again the boy says "me Ah don't know." "How about if I stay on this road?" The boy shrugs. The man says "you don't know a D--n thing do you?" the boy answers "No sir, but I ain't lost neither!"

Tigercat200 · 07-09-2008, 09:35 AM

This is the gospel truth. I stopped and asked an old gentleman for directions one time and here's what he said. "Turn two blocks before where the old school used to be." At least I was with the program enough to ask for further clarification and I did get to where I wanted to be. The more I'm around people the more I'm sure that God has a sense of humor.

SwedeSteve · 07-13-2008, 12:47 PM

Pretty good stories, one and all !!

wunhunglo · 07-13-2008, 12:50 PM

I live in a small village with a maze of streets and in the days before GPS the delivery drivers always got lost. I used to love it when they'd stop and shout out, "hey mate, do you know where such & such a street is?" I'd always yell back, "Yes " and walk on!!

Windwalker · 07-13-2008, 02:43 PM

Thanks for the good stories. It has been a bad week and a laugh helps.

bigbuddy21 · 07-13-2008, 03:33 PM

i was delivering some furniture to a cust. one time and they gave the salesman the directions to their house. now see if you can find anything wrong with these directions? take hwy.50 w. to hwy. 339 n go 5 miles to T turn and go 10 miles to
white house with big red barn on right.

LefthandShooter · 07-13-2008, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wunhunglo

I live in a small village with a maze of streets and in the days before GPS the delivery drivers always got lost. I used to love it when they'd stop and shout out, "hey mate, do you know where such & such a street is?" I'd always yell back, "Yes " and walk on!!

Mean one, aren't we! LOL!!

Oxford · 07-13-2008, 09:28 PM

"Just ramble on down a far piece to the oak limb hanging over the crick. Make a right turn down the trail near the big rock on the left. Then travel down the road till the road narrows to a near rut...but keep going. When you can't go any farther drive as far as the crow flies over yonder hill and look for the smoke coming out of my still. At that point, honk with three long honks and two short ones. If you don't see anyone get to hexx out of there because the feds are about to raid the joint."

06-21-2008, 08:35 PM	#1
LiveToShoot Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Northwest USA Posts: 2,071	Men On A Hike Female friend just e-mailed this to me...now it's your turn for a laugh from reading it. Men on a Hike Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.' Poof! … God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice. After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river' Poof! … God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once. Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river' Poof! … He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge. GO AHEAD, SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT! 'If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!' __________________ "Happiness is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it." -Unknown Last edited by LiveToShoot; 06-22-2008 at 04:57 AM.

06-22-2008, 04:41 AM	#2
CalifgirlinOk Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 2,776	Men and maps don't go together or stopping to ask for directions when they are lost..!!! LOL __________________ "Most of the troubles in the world is caused by people wanting to be important". T.S.Eliot

06-22-2008, 05:52 AM	#3
neophyte Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 3,569 Blog Entries: 2	aint right LiveToShoot: Sir; that aint right. Your "Lady" friend; read 'Gary Busey's' account, Who rules? men or women __________________ Craig By the standards of most

06-23-2008, 10:14 AM	#5
cremley Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Southern New Mexico Posts: 966	you guys should have been in scouts back then and yall could have learned maps and been able to read them like a picture book. It is the other way around for me. When I was younger, I used to take family road trips with my mom and my brother and my father would usually only get a week off of work and fly out and meet us somewhere. I usually drove but if we went someplace where we needed a map, I switched to navigator because my mother always got us lost. We finally got her a GPS in her car and she still can't figure it out sometimes. __________________ There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who have guns and those who dig. You dig.

06-23-2008, 10:59 AM	#6
Windwalker Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 3,585	Bah, feminist harassment. LOL __________________ America: Love it and protect it or leave it

06-23-2008, 11:07 AM	#7
ArkansasHunter Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas Posts: 10,709	That why GPS's were invented...For us guys who don't read maps !!!!!

06-23-2008, 11:53 AM	#8
Capt'n Mil Coll Military Rifle Collector Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Right behind you. -NRA Member- Posts: 2,296 Images: 12	Heck I hold a map almost every night. I tell my driver where to turn which side of the street the house is on. What is the best route to get to the car. And occasionally we have to stop and ask directions because the yahoo or mapquest maps failed us. And when we get to the vehicle I get to jump out get it started and get out of Dodge before we have to confront a possible shotgun wielding idiot. (Its not legal to shoot a repo man). I shoot back as well. __________________ Let's light this fuse and see what happens!

06-23-2008, 12:03 PM	#9
mosquitofish Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: So. Calif. Posts: 310	Why raise the bridge when you can always lower the river? __________________ Earth humor

06-23-2008, 12:29 PM	#10
ArkansasHunter Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas Posts: 10,709	When I was a kid there was a big wide ditch that we had to cross to get to a Tree House we had built in the woods. One day me and my little friends set out after a big rain storm to go play in the Tree House. Once we came to that big oh ditch we discovered it was full of water and it had a fast current. As we stood there watching all this water an ideer came me, on how to get across. Like a lot of kids in the south we had big knives and Boy Scout hatchets. When I expressed my ideer to my buddys we went in search of the perfect sappling tree to cut, to use, to pole vault across this torrent of water that kept us from getting to our Tree House. Didn't take long to cut and delimb the sapplin. But it did take awhile to decide who went first. Well one of my buddys was nic-named Twitch his real name was Eddie. Eddie had a twitch so thats why he had the nic-name twitch. Now we wasn't stupid because all of us practised pole vaulting on our side of the ditch until we were satisfied that we could jump the ditch with out falling in the water. Well Twitch took off in 2 leaps and stuck that saplin in the ditch and off he goes. He made it !!! Next I went and I made it !!! Then Jimmy went and he made !!! Lastly Kim took off and he made it too, so we left the pole and hiked on to our tree house. Why I'm I telling this ? I don't know LOL !!! This story made me remember this ! LOL Would I ever do this again ? NOPE !!! Last edited by ArkansasHunter; 06-23-2008 at 12:31 PM.

06-23-2008, 08:40 PM	#12
troy2000 Resident Armed Liberal Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Southern California Posts: 9,459 Images: 9	In Manhattan one evening in 1968, I asked a passer-by how to get somewhere, and he gave me detailed instructions. After I had walked a block north I asked another guy, just to be sure. He pointed me off to the west at the next intersection... I asked two more guys. One tried to send me east, and the other tried to send me back south, the way I had come. I dived into the nearest subway station, and looked at a map. And I never, ever again asked anyone in New York for directions.... __________________ If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. -Anatole France

06-30-2008, 08:01 PM	#13
Cyrille Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: South Louisiana Posts: 1,850	this thread reminds me of a cajun joke. But you may have heard it diffrently. One day this cajun fella was looking to get from where he was to where he wanted to be but he was lost in a lottle town where he had never been before so he calls boy over and says "hey cher can ya'll tell me if this is the road to Carancro? The kid shakes his head, "well says the cajun, suppose I go to the corner and turn right ---is that the road?" the boy says "me Ah don't know." "Well do you know if it's the road to the left? Again the boy says "me Ah don't know." "How about if I stay on this road?" The boy shrugs. The man says "you don't know a D--n thing do you?" the boy answers "No sir, but I ain't lost neither!"

07-09-2008, 09:35 AM	#14
Tigercat200 Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Middle of the USA Posts: 52	This is the gospel truth. I stopped and asked an old gentleman for directions one time and here's what he said. "Turn two blocks before where the old school used to be." At least I was with the program enough to ask for further clarification and I did get to where I wanted to be. The more I'm around people the more I'm sure that God has a sense of humor.

07-13-2008, 12:47 PM	#15
SwedeSteve Thor's Hammer Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Alaska Posts: 10,372 Images: 1	Pretty good stories, one and all !! __________________ Thank God we don't get as much Government as we pay for! -Will Rogers

07-13-2008, 12:50 PM	#16
wunhunglo Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: currently "Sunny West Africa" Posts: 1,659	I live in a small village with a maze of streets and in the days before GPS the delivery drivers always got lost. I used to love it when they'd stop and shout out, "hey mate, do you know where such & such a street is?" I'd always yell back, "Yes " and walk on!!

07-13-2008, 02:43 PM	#17
Windwalker Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 3,585	Thanks for the good stories. It has been a bad week and a laugh helps. __________________ America: Love it and protect it or leave it

07-13-2008, 03:33 PM	#18
bigbuddy21 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: new albany in. Posts: 974 Images: 5	i was delivering some furniture to a cust. one time and they gave the salesman the directions to their house. now see if you can find anything wrong with these directions? take hwy.50 w. to hwy. 339 n go 5 miles to T turn and go 10 miles to white house with big red barn on right. __________________ LAND OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!

07-13-2008, 09:28 PM	#20
Oxford Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Gladstone, Missouri Posts: 13,023 Blog Entries: 4	"Just ramble on down a far piece to the oak limb hanging over the crick. Make a right turn down the trail near the big rock on the left. Then travel down the road till the road narrows to a near rut...but keep going. When you can't go any farther drive as far as the crow flies over yonder hill and look for the smoke coming out of my still. At that point, honk with three long honks and two short ones. If you don't see anyone get to hexx out of there because the feds are about to raid the joint." __________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right".