Marriage (if you're a man you lose)

Capt'n Mil Coll · 07-09-2008, 10:11 PM

Marriage

Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and After the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
When I want with my old buddies, and don't you
Give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said:
"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at
seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not."

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************************

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstoneThat reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!"

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

*****************************************

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
Good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and
Decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, What took you so long to answer to the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this late, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

*****************************************

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
Wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it is time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
Shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

*****************************************

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
And were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife To wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece Of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Thunder-223 · 07-09-2008, 10:38 PM

very funny but the worst part is that they are probably all true

TexasT · 07-09-2008, 10:39 PM

Good one.

JASON6969 · 07-09-2008, 11:20 PM

FUNNY BUT TRUE LMAO!!

bellx1 · 07-10-2008, 07:30 PM

lmao....very funny

Windwalker · 07-10-2008, 07:38 PM

Cute! Probably all true but cute.lol

captsquirrel · 07-12-2008, 07:45 PM

A couple had a fight and are giving each other the silent treatment. As they are driving down the road they pass a pig farm. The husband finally breaks the silence by pointing at the pigs and says "relatives of yours?". To which the wife replies "yup, they're my In-laws".

SwedeSteve · 07-12-2008, 09:19 PM

All are quite funny !!

ghost_raven · 07-13-2008, 04:18 AM

Here's another one:

The night after the wedding, the man asked his wife to try his pants on. With a questioning look, she did so. "I can't put them on, they're too big for me," she commented.

"Exactly," the man said, "remember that I wear the pants in this family."

"Okay, now try on my panties," she said.

Try as he might, they wouldn't fit. "I can't get into your panties," the man finally said.

"Exactly," the woman responded with a grin. "And that's the way it's going to stay if you piss me off."

07-09-2008, 10:11 PM	#1
Capt'n Mil Coll Military Rifle Collector Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Right behind you. -NRA Member- Posts: 2,260 Images: 10	Marriage (if you're a man you lose) Marriage Marriage (Part I) Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and After the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing When I want with my old buddies, and don't you Give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said: "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not." (DARN SHE'S GOOD!) ********************************************** Marriage (Part II) Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstoneThat reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!" "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!" (HE ASKED FOR IT!) ************************************* Marriage (Part III) Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no Good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After some time he realizes he was nasty and Decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, What took you so long to answer to the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this late, doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!" (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!) ************************************* Marriage (Part IV) A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his Wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it is time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, Shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four." (RIGHT ON, LADY!) *************************************** THE SILENT TREATMENT A man and his wife were having some problems at home And were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife To wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece Of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. __________________ Let's light this fuse and see what happens! Last edited by Capt'n Mil Coll; 07-09-2008 at 10:15 PM.

07-09-2008, 10:38 PM	#2
Thunder-223 Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Bowra N.S.W Australia Posts: 119	very funny but the worst part is that they are probably all true __________________ A Downunder Redneck & Proud of it!

07-09-2008, 10:39 PM	#3
TexasT Do you have my stapler? Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Everywhere you want to be. Posts: 4,146 Blog Entries: 16	Good one. __________________ I'm just a little bit caught in the middle. Life is a maze. Love is a riddle.

07-09-2008, 11:20 PM	#4
JASON6969 Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Vidalia GEORGIA Posts: 125	FUNNY BUT TRUE LMAO!! __________________ THE MIND IS THE BEST WEAPON

07-10-2008, 07:30 PM	#5
bellx1 Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Kalifornia Posts: 169 Blog Entries: 1	lmao....very funny __________________ gun owner or victim??? decisions, decisions!

07-10-2008, 07:38 PM	#6
Windwalker Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 3,541	Cute! Probably all true but cute.lol __________________ America: Love it and protect it or leave it

07-12-2008, 07:45 PM	#7
captsquirrel Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: S. Nevada Posts: 405	A couple had a fight and are giving each other the silent treatment. As they are driving down the road they pass a pig farm. The husband finally breaks the silence by pointing at the pigs and says "relatives of yours?". To which the wife replies "yup, they're my In-laws".

07-12-2008, 09:19 PM	#8
SwedeSteve Bullet Maintenance !! Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: The anchor point, Alaska Posts: 10,283 Images: 1	All are quite funny !! __________________ Thank God we don't get as much Government as we pay for! -Will Rogers

07-13-2008, 04:18 AM	#9
ghost_raven Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Albuquerque, NM Posts: 408	Here's another one: The night after the wedding, the man asked his wife to try his pants on. With a questioning look, she did so. "I can't put them on, they're too big for me," she commented. "Exactly," the man said, "remember that I wear the pants in this family." "Okay, now try on my panties," she said. Try as he might, they wouldn't fit. "I can't get into your panties," the man finally said. "Exactly," the woman responded with a grin. "And that's the way it's going to stay if you piss me off." __________________ The First Amendment defines America, the Second Amendment defends it.