Understanding TODAY's Stock Market -Definitions

Doglips · 10-11-2002, 05:50 PM

Understanding TODAY's Stock Market -Definitions
Understanding The Market

Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E Ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

Standard & Poor - Your life in a nutshell.

Stock Analyst - The idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Stock Split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets between themselves.

Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

Market Correction - The day after you buy your stocks.

Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before email.

Day Trader - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.

CSCO - Sidekick of Pancho. ( Now you have to be over 50 for this one.)

Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker at $240 per share.

Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

Institutional Investor - Past-years' investor who is now locked up in the nuthouse.

Profit - Religious guy who talks to God. (So true.)

Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.

Allen Greenspan - God. ( Amen.)

10-11-2002, 05:50 PM	#1
Doglips Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Cocoa Florida Posts: 9,089	Understanding TODAY's Stock Market -Definitions Understanding TODAY's Stock Market -Definitions Understanding The Market Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex. Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low. Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E Ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. Standard & Poor - Your life in a nutshell. Stock Analyst - The idiot who just downgraded your stock. Stock Split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets between themselves. Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes. Market Correction - The day after you buy your stocks. Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before email. Day Trader - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5. CSCO - Sidekick of Pancho. ( Now you have to be over 50 for this one.) Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker at $240 per share. Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. Institutional Investor - Past-years' investor who is now locked up in the nuthouse. Profit - Religious guy who talks to God. (So true.) Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan. Allen Greenspan - God. ( Amen.)