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10-10-2009, 10:29 AM
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#1 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Callahan Florida
Posts: 240
| Rules of the South
The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!!
1. Pull your droopy pants up… You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $70,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6.. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat catfish &; crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. We say "sir and ma'am", "please and thank you", "excuse me and I'm sorry" when we are wrong or impolite. Do not make the mistake of thinking it makes us weak.. It's just good up-bringing.
12. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
13. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
14. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it frightens the fish, and aggravates the alligators.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
18. Don't think that since we talk slow, we think slow. You may be in for a surprise.
19. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
20. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump stuff ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1! | 
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10-10-2009, 10:34 AM
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#2 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Fort Lauderdale
Posts: 477
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might add "We don't care How you did it up North". 
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10-10-2009, 11:05 AM
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#3 | | One of the Usual Suspects
Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: southwest PA
Posts: 1,550
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Well, I'm from "up North" and enjoyed reading this because it's applicable everywhere!!!!
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A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity.”~Freud | |
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10-11-2009, 11:48 PM
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#4 | | Suspected Member
Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Anchortown, Alaska
Posts: 25,529
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Good one !!
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In the absence of orders, ATTACK !!
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10-12-2009, 11:07 PM
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#5 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: New York
Posts: 7,813
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I also like the observation that ever' police officer is "sir" or "ma'am," even if they look like they's too young to be out driving all by themselfs.
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10-12-2009, 11:53 PM
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#6 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,040
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Huntinfamily  We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! | I resent that! Of course, I wouldn't eat the stuff out of a bowl... Cincinnati Chili has its place, and it's ladled over a big plate full of spaghetti and topped with a mountain of shredded cheddar!
Both Cinci chili and 'Real' chili have their place. Cinci is better than 'real' on spaghetti, but 'real' is far better than Cinci when it's in a bowl.
Either way, I wouldn't consider Cincinnati the 'North' any more than I would Northern Kentucky or Tennessee. But, if you go past Cinci... yea, it gets to being the North.
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10-13-2009, 03:58 PM
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#7 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: New York
Posts: 7,813
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As far as I'm concerned, you can't get real barbecue, real sweet tea or real chili north of the Mason-Dixon line. A purist might say you can't get the real thing north of the Virginia-North Carolina border.
On the other hand, you can't get real pizza south of New York City either - and I say you can't get real pizza south of New Haven, Connecticut!
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10-13-2009, 04:42 PM
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#8 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 3,629
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Man, I tried some chili in Syracuse that this feller was REAL proud of. It was basically spaghetti sauce with beans and some chili powder added. Bleh.
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I child-proofed my house, but they still keep getting in!
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10-13-2009, 04:42 PM
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#9 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Arkansas.
Posts: 18,224
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You Yanks can have all your stuff'in we eat Dress'in down chere !!! ...A.H
EDIT::: OH our Chili bubbles when it's Cold.
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IN GOD WE TRUST
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10-13-2009, 09:06 PM
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#10 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Mounds Ok
Posts: 926
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^yum. Even if you do have to stuff that possum back in.
Killer BBQ aint outa the bottle either.
The only thing that goes good with beer is more beer.If you dont like the way we live here in the country.....LEAVE.
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