The long and the shorts

Capt'n Mil Coll · 11-03-2009, 04:43 PM

A long list of short jokes.

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel..

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off
"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan'
Years later,Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ... a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

21. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Paul T · 11-03-2009, 04:49 PM

Henny Youngman would be proud.

ALR · 11-03-2009, 05:44 PM

Bada bing, Bada boom!
LOLOLOLOLOL!

texnmidwest · 11-03-2009, 07:18 PM

That was so silly I think I wet my drawers!

Whootsinator · 11-03-2009, 08:09 PM

LOL, the Ghandi one was excellent.

redrider13 · 11-03-2009, 11:53 PM

good stuff!

Ninja Piper · 11-04-2009, 12:19 AM

:slaps forehead: oh jeez....

larmus · 11-04-2009, 12:57 AM

oh my... bad... funny, but bad... lol!!!

privateer · 11-04-2009, 01:18 AM

was fun

gunnut2u · 11-04-2009, 05:29 AM

Nuyk Nuyk Nuyk !

LefthandShooter · 11-04-2009, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by texnmidwest

That was so silly I think I wet my drawers!

and enjoyed it.

SwedeSteve · 11-04-2009, 11:53 AM

Thanks. I needed a good chuckle !!

Da Mc · 11-04-2009, 09:15 PM

I thought number 15 was the best.

11-03-2009, 04:43 PM	#1
Capt'n Mil Coll Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Right behind you. -NRA Member- Posts: 3,884	The long and the shorts A long list of short jokes. 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. 4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra. 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" 7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual." 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any. 12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!" 13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.. 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!" 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off "Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan' Years later,Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ... a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large. 21. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. __________________ Its going to take more than a zombie vampire lezibian biker whore to ruin my day.

11-03-2009, 05:44 PM	#3
ALR STAIN'ALIVE,STAIN'ALIVE! Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: By the shore of Gitchee Gumee, By the Shining Big-Sea-Water Posts: 1,096	Bada bing, Bada boom! LOLOLOLOLOL! __________________ AGENT ORANGE The last ghost of Vietnam ATF- Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, who is bringing the chips?

11-03-2009, 07:18 PM	#4
texnmidwest They wonder why I drink.. Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: South east Wisconsin Posts: 7,673	That was so silly I think I wet my drawers! __________________ The first rule of tinkering is to save all the parts.

11-04-2009, 12:19 AM	#7
Ninja Piper Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Watertown, WI Posts: 846	:slaps forehead: oh jeez.... __________________ The "Safety Briefing" should NEVER be confused with the "Safety Dance"

11-04-2009, 12:57 AM	#8
larmus Domestic Engineer Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: arizona Posts: 3,386	oh my... bad... funny, but bad... lol!!! __________________ Lawrence Home Defense: .45 and a Shovel...

11-03-2009, 04:49 PM	#2
Paul T Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Mounds Ok Posts: 926 Blog Entries: 6	Henny Youngman would be proud.

11-03-2009, 08:09 PM	#5
Whootsinator Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 1,040	LOL, the Ghandi one was excellent.

11-03-2009, 11:53 PM	#6
redrider13 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 103	good stuff!

11-04-2009, 01:18 AM	#9
privateer Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Anchorage , Alaska Posts: 1,001	was fun

11-04-2009, 05:29 AM	#10
gunnut2u Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Missouri-firearms,USA Posts: 1,581	Nuyk Nuyk Nuyk ! __________________ I might not be playing with a full deck... But I am playing with a full clip!!! (gunnut2u)

11-04-2009, 11:53 AM	#12
SwedeSteve Suspected Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Anchortown, Alaska Posts: 25,525	Thanks. I needed a good chuckle !! __________________ In the absence of orders, ATTACK !!

11-04-2009, 09:15 PM	#13
Da Mc Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Riverside Cal. Posts: 179	I thought number 15 was the best.