My Dad (a pastor) once said over the pulpit to a crowded sanctuary of revival-goers......"these testes have I given unto Moses". My mother was mortified, and my brothers and I almost died from keeping the laughter in.
good times, good times.
(the word he was going for was Commandments, which I guess he got confused with Testaments, which got confused with...well you get the picture LOL)
During the mid 70's I was deeply involved with photography. A fellow photog invited me to his house for a photo-shoot. Those present were my friend, his wife, the subject female 'model', and me. After several minutes of friendly chatter we decided it was time to start and the model, who, by the way was the daughter of our Group CO and a Lt in the Corps, changed into a beautiful white formal dress. The atmosphere, however, was still somewhat heavy and the model apparently felt uncomfortable in this attire and needed some assuring. My friend and his wife complimented the model to relax her fears. My friend turned to me and said, "Doesn't she look beautiful in that dress, Gunny?" I quickly responded, "Yes sir, she does, that dress brings out her vaginal qualities". Everyone just stood there and looked at me when all of a sudden (after I realized what I had said) I blurted out "Virginal...virginal qualities...that's what I meant...!"
We all had a floor-rolling laugh over my blunder, the atmosphere cleared, and the photo-shoot went on as planned.
__________________ If ya don't know where I've been and ya don't know where I'm going, your opinions of me don't count.
My Chaplin (a Lutheran minister as a civy) once told us about how he was reading a passage that went "who will go with john into the wilderness" but he misread it to say "who will go to the John in the wilderness" noting his mistake he said "anyone that has too" the old ladies stared at him the rest of the service.
I was sitting in my father-in-laws store on a lazy afternoon. The sales guy, Norman, and I were sitting behind the register when a customer bought a computer game and his change was a quarter. Well, the first quarter that Norman pulled from the register fell on the floor and rolled in front of the register. As I said, it was a lazy afternoon so we left it there...
About half an hour later a friend of Norman came in and was talking to us for a while. Norman must not have been thinking clearly but after the words left his mouth there were 2 guys laughing hysterically and one confused girl...
Norman to the girl: Do you want to earn some money?
Norman: Well, then bend over.
After the words came out of his mouth.... We laughed so hard that we fell off our chairs....
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?