[Oxford]

Can you cry under water?

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just
"chunkydunk."

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a
"penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you
were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it
would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies
wakeup, like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for
Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to
see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear
loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have
signed up in the first place!

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could
simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you
haven't fallen asleep yet.

My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what
she said.

Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they
can in prison?

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have
started with something called labor!

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

:nod: