1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant,
have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Calif.
and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps
finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor. I asked
where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I
too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"
10 Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I
don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife
asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"
Red Skelton's Tips For A Happy Marriage 
