In his book "Sled Driver", SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:
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> "I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day
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> as Walt (my backseater) and I were screaming across Southern
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> California 13
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> miles
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> high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other
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> aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't
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> really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope.
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>
>
> I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed."90 knots"
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> Center replied. Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same. "120
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> knots," Center answered. We weren't the only ones proud of our
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> groundspeed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted,
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> "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests ground speed readout. There was a
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> slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty."
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>
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> Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a
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> situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission
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> coming from my backseater. It was at that precise moment I realized
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> Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in
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> unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you
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> got
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> a groundspeed readout for us?" There was a longer than normal
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> pause.....
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>
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> "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots" No further inquiries were heard on that
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> frequency.
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>
>
> --------------------------
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>
>
> In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving
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> a request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000 ft). The incredulous
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> controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan
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> to get up to
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> 60,000
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> feet?
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>
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> The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go
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> up to it, we plan to go down to it."
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>
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> He was cleared.
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>
>
> -------------------------------------
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>
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> The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He
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> placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the
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> navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"
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>
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> The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"
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>
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> The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
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>
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> The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart
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> table.
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>
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> The pilot asked, "What's that for?"
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>
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> "To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost
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> before you will."
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>
>
> ------------------------------------
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>
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> One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold
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> short of the runway while a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out,
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> turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted
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> comedian in the MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute
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> little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
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>
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> Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came
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> back
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> with: "I made it out of MD80 parts. Another landing like that and
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> I'll have enough parts for another one."
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>
>
> ---------------------------------------
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>
>
> There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
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> landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
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> peaked."
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>
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> Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two
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> behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
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>
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> "Ahhhh," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."
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>
>
> --------------------------------------------------
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>
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> A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
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>
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> While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What
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> was your last known position?"
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>
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> Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
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>
>
> -----------------------------
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>
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> Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and
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> returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
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>
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> A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the
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> problem?"
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>
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> "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained
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> the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
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>
>
> -------------------------------------
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>
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> "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right to 220 degrees."
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>
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> "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
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> here?"
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>
>
> ( pause...)
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>
>
> "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
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As an Airforce T-33 crewchief in the 70's, a certain Lt. Colonel was the bane of our existence. He was a real hard-case, always finding minor faults on the morning walk-around. One cold morning, he didn't like the nose strut level - it didn't quite match the width of his ID card (the quick&dirty check). I wasn't about to waste twenty minutes getting an air cart to air the pesky strut up, and it was close enough. As he went to the back of the bird, I got my shoulder neath the bird's nose, and lifted gently and set her back down. The strut matched the GI ID card perfectly.
The light colonel came back around, checked the strut - "Good job, 'Chief!" He saddled up and was on his way. I made breakfast at the chowhall on time.
Absolutly marvelous! I like some of the squawks I've heard (Maint. request sheets) like - Something loose in cockpit, reply - something tightened in cockpit.
Right engine missing - reply, right engine found! etc.
I agree with Jerry, the .38/.45 deal was good, the first two were pretty cute too!
__________________
The Second Amendment, it ain't about DUCK HUNTING!
I feel more like I do now that I did when I first got here!
Hey Big Dog, did ya ever hear about the pilot of a C-130, don't remember the rank - anyway his aircraft was on the ground at a base up in hellhole Alaska somewhere and his departure time was delayed nearly an hour because they were still pumping the holding tanks. He stormed down to the deck and began wringing this young airman out and told him if this aircraft wasn't ready to be underway in fifteen minutes he was going to rip him a new one sideways and see that his duty post suffered dearly. The Airman looked at the officer and said "with all due respect sir, I'm in Alaska, it's 50 below, and I'm pumping sh*t out of an airplane at 4:30 in the morning, exactly what worse did you have in mind?
__________________
The Second Amendment, it ain't about DUCK HUNTING!
I feel more like I do now that I did when I first got here!
I think that was a C-141 in Tuhle Greenland. Most Hercs still have the "honey Bucket"
You poop in a bucket with a bag in it. I think H/2/2.5/3's and J's have a "real" potty but the battle tried and trued E's have the honey bucket and the urinal that drains overboard.
Our T-bird trainers had a P-tube for the two crewmen, but no honey bucket when you're strapped into these birds.
We had some good write-offs. One pilot constantly complained of a noise in his headset, that nobody else ever heard. It was finally written off as a "short between the headsets" - think about it!
Another pilot reported his aircraft acting "squirrely". After finding no fault, it was signed off as "shot squirrel in accordance with T.O. 30-06".
That danged Lt. Colonel once tried to get me to sign-off a "Red X" so he could fly one morning. His main compass and backup compass were both inop, and he had no back-seater. He said his wingman's compass would suffice. I refused. Our Chief Master Seargent tried to talk me into the sign-off. No dice - this 'Dog ain't stupid. Two weeks before we had a bird go down out west in a canyon - pilot error. I wasn't gonna take the heat if this jerk went into the ground or kissed a mountain. We had no spare birds that day, so the Colonel didn't fly.
:right: Never let someone talk you into signing that red X when it's not good.
We had an A-10 TDY at George AFB for Air Warrior. the APU was leaking oil internally causing smoke in the cockpit. I grounded it for Eng's to change the APU. The head eng guy signed off my red X and flew it home station. A few days later 223 made a smoking hole in the ground. they never changed the APU, found out later it was pilot error, clipped a wing on the mountain. Needles to say the investigation was no fun. My name was all over the forms, but I did the right thing.
Jerry, you'll love this one.
Every two years, they used to have the Willian Tell competitions at Tyndall AFB, to let the various fighter/interceptor squadrons send their best Topguns to square off against each other.
The "Green Chickens" (49th FIS, Griffiss AFB, NY) and the "Red Bulls" (87th FIS, K. I. Sawyer AFB, Mi.) were the top F-106 drivers (anti-bomber interceptor - not a dog fighter!), and Texas ANG and the Canadians both topped the F101 Voodoo charts.
We even had guest units from Germany (F4G Phantoms) a couple times.
Those were busy days!
Just before I left, we hosted the very first F-15 Eagle squadron from Langley, Va. I was walking the flightline one morning, and saw something really weird. A line of Eagles, all lined up evenly - except for one bird! It's entire forward fuselage was tilted down, about three inches at the nose compared to the others.
Story was the pilot accidently pulled some massive G's - way in excess of design. Expensive FUBAR!
Another Eagle driver did even worse. He launched a Sparrow missile from the under-belly rail. Well, actually, it took the port fwd rail with it! The guy was lucky he made it home. :nod:
Ah, teething troubles with those new babies . . .
Funny you mention an OV Tx. I broke my danged thumb on the Bronc. We had a split OA-10/OV-10 squadron. My Electrician counterpart on the OV side has having a hard time getting a squib out of a fire bottle in back. I gave it a try, the wrench slipped, ouch.
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