Listed below are several questions asked by a cop who has just pulled you over. Below the questions are several possible responses. Choose the best response to each.
1. Do you know why I'm pulling you over, son/maam?
a. No, sir.
b. Because you're lonely?
c. To ask me if I have any Grey Poupon?
d. Because of the Stealth Bomber I have in tow?
e. Because I'm pedaling too fast?
f. Because I'm Ice-T?
2. Can I see your license and registration?
a. Yes sir. (handing them over)
b. Wanna see pictures too? (pulling a string of family photos out of your wallet) Here's my mommy, my daddy, my sister, my friend, my dog, my toilet, your wife performing unspeakable acts with a light bulb and a...oh, how did THAT picture get in here?
c. I don't have a license, and this car is stolen.
d. (pull it out and read it to him veeeery slowly, not ever handing it to him)
3. Would you mind stepping out of the car?
a. Of course, sir. (getting out)
b. What? In this weather?
c. Are you kidding? I'm too drunk to stand up!
d. First, repeat after me: "I realize that you are not Rodney King."
4. Walk along this line.
a. Yes sir. (walking the line)
b. No thanks...I just snorted one.
c. Duuuude...which one? The wavy one, the colorful one, or the one in the middle that's laughing at me?
d. Are you sure you wouldn't rather I skip merrily in a figure eight?
5. You call that a straight line?
a. Yes, sir.
b. Well, officer Pythagoras, the only way YOU could see a straight line is by looking at your own brain wave pattern! (NOTE: This is stolen from Emo Phillips)
6. Do you want to spend the night in jail?
a. No sir.
b. What are they serving for dinner?
c. That depends. Are YOU gonna be there, big fella? (smiling seductively)
d. Do you guys have ESPN?
e. Sure! I haven't seen mom in months!
f. Sure! I haven't seen your mom in months!
