[Oxford]

Ah, the good old working days...
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 12, 2005
RE: Christmas party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23rd starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We will have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for
employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October2, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we will be calling it our Holiday Party. The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those
still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree
present. NoChristmas carols sung.? We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name: I'm happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads AA
Only, you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this?
Somebody Forget about the gift exchange; no gift exchanges will be
allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money and executives believe $10 is a little chintzy. NO GIFT EXCHANGES WILL BE ALLOWED.
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October4, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are? I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours.? There goes the party!? Seriously, we can appreciate
how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take home in
little foil doggie bags.
Will that work?? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.? Gays are allowed to sit with one another. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the Gay mens table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed.
We will have booster seats for short people; low-fat food will be available to those on a diet.? We cannot control the salt used in the food, so we suggest that people with high blood pressure taste first. There will be fresh fruit for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply no sugar desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All !!!! Employees
DATE: October 5, 2003
RE: The !!!! Holiday Party
To !!!! with you Vegetarians ! I've had it with you people!!!? We're
going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not; so
you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the grill of death, as you so
quaintly put it and you' ll get your salad bar, including organic
potatoes.
But, you know, tomatoes have feelings too.? They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!? Drive drunk and die, The oops from !!!!!!!!!!
FROM: JoanBishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October6, 2003
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for us all in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery. I'll continue to forward your cards to her.? In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!