Just looking for a wee bit of Moral support with this one I suppose my friends.
The ex and I lost our first born in 1982, on veteran's Day of all things. It was as all may imagine a heavy thing to bear, so many years later I still grieve on that day for him. Now many years later my parents are older and I wouldn't think of referring to them as elderly (Mom 76, Dad 82) they are not young by any stretch. Recently my Mother has been returning things I brought back for them during my travels overseas. Much of the stuff I hadn't even remembered giving them, and the wife and I now have been discussing where they came from what trip I was on where I was etc. The thing that has begun to pull at me is this. I've been blessed to have had them for all these many years, always there for me. Now as I think on it I realize (or am admitting to myself) they aren't "Always" going to be there and the thought of losing them is bothering me a great deal. I know it's the circle of life as the creator planned BUT. it doesn't mean I have to like it. I hope some of you may have thoughts that might help Thanks....
__________________ "You can have my Freedom when I'm done with it!"
I haven't had to deal with a death of people close to me really, yet anyway... The lady here at the office lost her 18 month old son over the weekend during the night. He was sleeping on his back and threw up, choked on his own vomit. Really sad.
Life is not easy, death with never be easy. Just deal with the emotions as they come and don't shut out those that you love. Talk to them about it. Your wife, your friends (if they are willing to listen) and above all, your kids.
And even more importantly, enjoy and make the most of the time you have left with your loved ones.
I have concerns in my own life, but not really anyone to turn to in order to help deal with my issues. I spend most evenings and days off alone in my apartment surfing the net and cooking for myself. You can be thankful, at least, for not having to deal with that.
__________________
Don't let their ignorance and hate intimidate.
ezearln I lost my Momma June 13th 2007. Several months before she left us I begain thinking Momma would'nt be around much longer, she was 82 and her health was on the decline. I think it must be natural the Lord above goes to preparing us for when that dreaded day comes, looseing a parent. It kinda takes some of the sorrow and pain away later.
I lost my Farher 23 years ago and we were very close, but it's different when you loose your Momma.
If you feel that they may not be around much longer or might have to be put in Nursing home some time in the near future, then try to spend as much time with them as you can and get them to talk about the old days and there familys, get them to reminise about past times in there life.
I promise with all the storys they tell, you'll have these to think back on and most likely it'll bring a smile to your face and not tears when those days come you think about them after there gone.
Theres a comersial on T.V. for Extreme Make Over right now... "It's alright to cry" and you know it is, ezearln may be you need a good cry Want you join me...A.H
I appreciate it guys, A.H. my folks are both in good health and very fit for their ages, my concern has always been Mom would go first and Dad bless his heart wouldn't last long after. He isn't helpless but Mom runs the families business, pays the bills knows what is and isn't right and she's been the one making sure he and us were took care of she is one tough lil woman (all 5'0" 106 lbs of her) But Dad has had the tougher life he served in Korea during the entire war the bastids nailed him 7 times and he still kept going back, almost lost his arm in an industrial accident when I was but 5. Thank God for what Micro surgery they had then. He worked the oil fields in Kansas and Oklahoma as a teenager worked for the same man with a break for Korea from 1948 until he retired (semi) in about 1985-86 then went back to work for him freelance repairing those Blanchard Grinders until about 1999. He's tougher than I'll EVER be...
__________________ "You can have my Freedom when I'm done with it!"
The giving back of items you bought out of love for them seems to me the way older people deal with and show love to family members.
My Grandmother recently started giving our family back items that have been on her mantle and curio shelves for years.
A plate I made for her in in 1972 has sat on that mantle since 1972..now it rests on my shelves..
It doesn't feel right.
It feels as though it belongs with her.
But she's just letting go of the things that mean alot to her..she says it will "Make her voyage lighter."
I know your feelings well.
My son and my Grandmother are like teenagers when they get together..I as well as him will be very sad for quite a while..when she decides to go and be with Grandpa.
So far I've not had to deal with death. My grandfather/grandmother is 87/77 on my Dads side, and something like 84/77 on my Moms side. All of my great grandparents had already passed away or I was to young to remember them passing. On the flip side my parents are older then most. My father being 59 and my mother being 57(I'm 25). Growing up I had to deal with a lot of stress, and emotional abuse. Both from kids and a drunk stepfather. What worries me is my ability to let go and deal with a lose. I've developed the ability to lock all of my emotions up and become/act with no feelings. While thats great when your young, carrying that over to adulthood is not.
Pred I guess I am lucky (I am 50), my Grandmother only lived to 63 she passed when i was fairly young (7) My Great Aunt on Dad's side passed away many years ago she was only 4 years older than Dad and she had suffered from Alzheimers for several years before her heart gave out. Still I must admit I have been blessed with a loving family and many many fond memories. Perhaps one of the reasons I detest bullies so is Dad always has and that Big BDO wouldn't let it stand ever in his presence.
__________________ "You can have my Freedom when I'm done with it!"
Actually I take that back, I've dealt with death twice in my life. Once when I was in 7th grade our class went on a weekend field trip at school. A girl lost her footing and feel into a river and was swept under. My great aunt passed a way a few years back from cancer, on Christmas eve. It was expected as she had beaten cancer once, but couldn't the second time. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas she went from looking like she always did, to being nothing more then a skeleton.
I have lost everyone.I can relate.Do what you can with your family while you can.
My condolences and good wishes.
My gramma made it to 93 and choked on a piece of meat while recoperating from hip surgery while in the hospital.
I don't really know if there's any particular way that you can deal with death. I think that everybody handles it differenly. I lost one grandparent before I was born and another 3 before I was 15. I lost my best friend in 6th grade when he was hit by a car. My mom died 5 years ago when I was 21, she battled with cancer for 2 years before giving in. The only thing that I can tell you is that you should spend every single moment that you can with them and don't hesitate to tell them how much you love them.
I know the feeling. My father had major heart surgery last summer of which he still bears the scars on his chest. That was the first time it really clicked that someday I'm going to be all alone in this big world. Even with the graying hair, the receding hairline, the weird diseases, the fact that my mom pretty much has to call it a day at 1:30 in the afternoon because all her joints give out about then, etc.... I never saw my parents as old, still don't. But dad had a scare after his surgery last year and I can still remember sitting outside work crying in my mom's shoulder and telling her they weren't suppossed to get old and die on me. After all, dad's Superman and Mom's Wonderwoman, right?
Didn't help, I know, but at least you know someone shares your pain.
S.L You said.... There not suppose to get old and die. That's what I always thought too.... I felt tears well up in my eyes when I just read that.
For those that have parents still liveing, life still go's on.
The Holidays arn't the same for a while, but you always have those presious memories.
When I think of my mother I see her smileing at me, so I know all is well.
My dad left the planet in June '06. I understand what you're saying. The only thing I can tell you is to spend as much time with your parents as you can while you can. Also people are all that really matters. All the day to day details that we all fret over really don't matter.
I've read all the posts above and feel like I can understand what some of those member's have been through. Everything said above in this thread makes lots of sense to me. In my 69 years of life I've experienced several deaths in my family, too.
First I remember was my granddad on my dad's side who died at the age of 55 with a heart attach while being operated on for something else which was supposed to be minor. This was during WWII and my dad, his younger brother and brother in law, all serving in the Navy were issued leaves to attend to family business. I was 9 y.o. I was a very confused kid trying to sort out my emotions for that funeral. My grandmother at that time was also 55 years old and lived to the age of 91.
Actually, I was much closer to my mother's parents when growing up. They died at the ages of 79 and 77.
My mother died with leukemia in 1969 at the age of 57...and my dad died in 1980 with heart disease at the age of 69, which as I said earlier is my current age. As I got closer to those ages I wondered many times if that would be my age limit, too.
And...my wife's family members have been dying off, too. I've attended a most of their funerals. I'll candidly admit that at most funerals I attend now that tears come to my eyes when songs like "The Old Rugged Cross", etc, are played. It's getting harder and harder for me to brace myself for the next funeral ceremony.
As for what I'm doing to prepare for my demise, I've begun to think about more often about who in my family I should designate to receive various objects which I've accumulated over the years. However, with enough fresh air, etc, I always regain my composure and start planning ahead rather than reflecting on the past. My mind says to not dwell on the past...and to plan ahead...but my heart can never let go of some experiences in the past which I've experienced. The emotions that occured during those times almost always gets stirred up again.
My hope is for another 15 years of life...but not one day more when/if I have no quality of life. That's all made clear in my living will, too.
The saying "you never know what you have till you lose it" is true. I lost my sister one year ago October. She was 20. She ran off the road and hit a tree on the way to work one morning. It has been a rough year.
I have learned that you just need to make time to deal with your emotions. If not they will bite you when you least expect it.
I've lost both grandparents, 3 uncles, and many neighbors in friends in my 36 years. One of my uncles died about 2 years ago and I could not attend his funeral. What I have learned in life is that death IS a part of life down to the vegitable garden I grow every year. The best thing one can do is to remember them and what they ment to us.... and how tasty those watermelons were. .
Sorry if that last bit seemed to take away from the mood, but it's how I deal with lost friends and loved ones.
I've lost a lot of people that I loved including both parents and two brothers. I find that spending more time with the remaining family helps to ease the pain. It never really goes away, but it becomes a little easier to bear. It also helps to have friends like all of you guys to commiserate with, and I'm thankful for it. O.K., I'm gonna go find some flowers to put in my hair and sing Kumbaya now!
My Dad died I think in 1986 and my Mother died this past June 13th. 2007.
It dawned on me back before my Dad died that there were a lot of things my brother, sister and I didn't know about our parents Life such as there childhood and distent
family members.
A good time to get loved ones in your family to talk is during holiday gatherings and visits.
Ask questions to get them started because when there gone there history is gone too.
I learned my Mother like rideing her Fathers Mule and my Dad was a Baseball star and football star here and a college in Oaklahoma offered him scholarships.
My Mother moved out when she graduated from High School and went to work for a military contractor in Dallas TX. like alot of our Mothers did to help with the war effort.
My Dad was in a cargo plane when he was in the Air Force and a Japanese pilot flew along beside them for a long time and didn't shoot them down, and broke it off and flew way.
I learned this stuff by asking or I would of never know it...A.H
__________________ IN GOD WE TRUST NRA MEMBER
Last edited by ArkansasHunter; 09-17-2007 at 03:44 PM.
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