The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear" the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problemonly if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant theother one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Pl ease say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus didNOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
orgolf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape.Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.
1. Don't ever lie to us, we always find out. 2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening. 3. Don't say you understand when you don't. 4. Girls are petty, get over it. 5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like. 6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook. 7. If you talk about having a big dick, we know you don't. 8. Zit's happen to everyone. Yes, Mr. Perfect, even to you. 9. We don't like it when you act like Mr Big; we like it when you are Mr Big. 10.A system in your car only impresses your homeboys. 11. No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a pig. 12. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes. 13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize. 14. Be spontaneous, dinner and a movie won't always cut it. 15. We are self-conscious by nature, we can't help it. 16. We are drama queens. 17. Fashion police do exist. 18. Don't ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it. 19. We absolutely do not care about monster trucks, or anything else you and your friends talk about, like: how much you know about the video games, porn, computers, Star Wars, etc. 20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times. 21. We don't shave our legs every day, get over it. 22. Don't make bets about us, we always find out. 23. Shave - no matter how cool you think it looks, we hate it. 24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emit other strange gases from your body, it's not. 25. Don't compare our breasts with Brittany Spear's, hers are fake. 26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets. 27. We are beautiful, but make-up helps. (All girls love makeup, do not call us prissy or tell us we worry to much about the way we look for wearing it.) 28. We will always think we are fat so humor us and tell us we aren't. 29. It doesn't make you look cool to make fun of someone else. 30. If you ever beat us in a sport or game, it's always because you cheated, even if you didn't.
Rules for Guys, by women
1. When crying occurs you caused it and should fix it. Perfect time for a gift.
2. Watching Star Trek or any type of non-romance movie/ T.V. show should also be rewarded in a gift.
3. The toilet seat prefers to be down. Gravity; any questions?
4. When we ask if we are fat, we are looking for a "NO I love you just the way you are" answer.
5. Cindy Crawford cuts her hair why can't we?
6. We are not always thinking of you.
7. We are not always looking for the perfect gift... some gift is better than no gift, and we realize it is the thought that counts.
8. Our Cats truly are special friends.
9. Shopping is not a sport, it's an adventure.
10. We value your opinion on our outfits and perhaps you should ask for direction when you are dressing.
11. Wearing the same clothes because they are on top of the pile is not acceptable.
12. If we had enough clothes or shoes then why are there so many stores?
13. When we ask for something we want it then!! Don't wait for a birthday, etc. you may for get what it is that we want.
14. If you cant be expected to hit the toilet, we can't be expected to find the oil.
15. When the lights come on in the car, we let you know when we get around to it.
16. Three pairs of shoes in not a selection, its a crisis!
17. Boots, old tennis shoes, and grass shoes are not adequate shoe choices.
18. We don't believe you when you say you'll be right home.
19. Yes and No are not answers, you are not on trial and we are not your attorney.
20. We remember what you say regardless of how long its been. Why can't you?
21. Saying what you think we want to hear gets you in more trouble! Stop while you are ahead.
22. There are no good sports.
23. Why can't you ask for directions?
24. Why can't you follow directions?
25. How can we be expected to tell you about our day in just 30 seconds when it took all day to happen?
26. You too can order Pizza.
27. Chinese Food is a meal.
28. Chips and Dip are NOT a meal.
29. Why don't you know all of these rules?
__________________ "a real Proud southern Canadian Beaver but have always adored my American neighbours"
Last edited by newhunterette; 11-11-2007 at 05:57 PM.
Reason: Automerged Doublepost
Newhunterette...You wouldn't make it here in Alaska with them Rules...
You would be hauling your own firewood and water !!!
(Snuggling up with a Husky ) LOL
Rich
__________________
[I]You know you might be facing your doom,when all you get is a click when you're expecting a BOOM!:( [/I]
#7 in the first list was funny, but it shocked me when I read it...What man would brag about his WingDing ? I never would !!!
But I am proud of every foot of mine !!!
#7 in the first list was funny, but it shocked me when I read it...What man would brag about his WingDing ? I never would !!!
But I am proud of every foot of mine !!!
AH...
Quit using that metric ruler...That is 12 CENTIMETERS !
LMAO
Rich
__________________
[I]You know you might be facing your doom,when all you get is a click when you're expecting a BOOM!:( [/I]
awhile back my old lady and two daughters showed up home with that "womens rules" painted on a board and hung it on the kitchen wall. i promptly printed the same set of rules at the top of this thread and hung em on the wall as well. let me paint a grim picture now. THEIR rules, (wife and two daughters), MY rules (me all by myself, my boy went to ground and took cover). both sets of rules survived and stayed up on the wall, but lemme tell ya it was like beirut in my house that night.
This is why I don't get involved in dating and relationships. Live and let live.
I hope you aren't serious, SL. As aggravating as they can be, relationships are probably the most important reason for living I can think of.
Walling oneself off in solitary splendor starts out sounding pretty tough and cool, but it makes for a pretty desolate life eventually.
You haven't really seen the world, until you've seen it reflected in the eyes of someone you love.
And no, I will not entertain questions right now about the current state of my relationship with my wife. As bad as it gets sometimes, I still remember the way those eyes have looked at me in the past...
Unfortunetly, Troy, I found no other option. I have not yet dated a man that hasn't become just downright creepy. I'm not saying all men are this way, but I seem to attract a certain type and I can't shake them. Besides, I have my own issues. First off, I do not want children. I've been told over and over that feeling will change, and at almost 30 years of age the feeling is stronger than ever. I also very much dislike being touched, which would make being intimate rather difficult. I am actually still a virgin because of this. Anyway, I need to get my life in order and get back up on my feet, and men don't fit into the equation right now. I don't have time for it.
And while some people think it's cute, I am highly bothered that the last three men who asked me out did so while holding and staring lovingly at my rifle. Don't play me, go out and buy one of your own (P.S. I also consider my rifle to be male, so don't start making out with it right yet). And the last 8 guys (including the ones already mentioned) asked me out while I was working... at the gun store, telling them about guns they were interested in (meaning you know nothing about me other than my sales pitch for Glocks). Which is partly why I counter all marriage proposals with, "I'll marry you if buy me a battle worn M1 Garand." There has to be something else you can find about me to like other than the fact that I can recite little facts about guns. It is a major turn off. Interested in getting to know me? Fine, say so, and use a moment when I'm not mid sales pitch. Want to date me because you are in love with my rifle or because you know I won't be bothered by your gun purchases? No.
As an aside, I know at least one of those eight is actively trying to find that Garand, so I may end having to marry him. I'm only as good as my word. LOL!
__________________ "Ruin a liberal's day; recite historical fact." - found on a bumper sticker
I feel your pain with dating guys SL. The latest ones I've dated have been incredibly stupid (that does not mean in the book sense), but lacking common sense. I think the last one was a pathological liar.
