Listen to this.....

[PistolCity]

As I stated in my introduction with a few extras. The ex left took the boy, few nasty fights later. She makes the statement that he might not be mine. I made $9.00 a hour at a tube mill at the time. Didnt know exactly what to do but I knew I was tapped out and needed help. So I called my grandma, I got one of those very special grandmas who's always there for me. I repay her as much as I can currently building some permanet shelfs for her in the office. But she told me to get a lawyer she'd pay for it. So I go see the lawyer. It could cost up to $1200 dollars to gain my rights as a father even though I signed his birth certificate the day he was born. Bogus but this guy has helped me with a bogus charge once before. I call my grandma back and she said do what I have to but she has one stimulation. She wants me to move in with her. I think she as the rest of my family was worried about me climbing back into the bottle. Anyways I take her up on it even though it means I have to quit my job. Figureing in the drive time and the pay Id only be working for gas money and working 1st shift wont get back in time to find another job. As Im moving out I give alot of crap to the ex like a washer and dryer, food, lamps, towels and so on. Mainly to make sure my son has everything he needs.

Our agrement after she found out about the lawyer and everything is to sit down with him and agree to the terms of custody and he will take it to a judge and have it signed and all that good crap. They gave us both a copy of the state parental guidlines and we are discussing them now, dotting the I's and crossing the T's.

Last Friday I went and picked him up and we agreed to exchange a few days and I had him untill yesterday evening and she'll have him till Monday afternoon.

Now to my point, she started calling non stop this weekend. Ive tried to explain to her that she's done this to much to go running back together. And that constant communication isnt bad. But it cant continue forever, adventualy she'll find someone and/or I will and if we are on the phone non stop with the other then its going to cos problems. She disagrees but she's only 21. Only been in a handful of relationships. Me Im getting up there and Ive been with my fair share. She started hinting around the other night that she wished things was diffrent between us. And said she was some what influenced into her dicission. Which I suspected, her grandma hates my guts because Im not making 40 dollars a hour and dont own my own home. But her opion of me matters about as much as what Hillary Clinton thinks of me. The ex now wants to try a distant thing. Not a relationship but enough rope to hang each other with. I dont know seems like its time to let dead dogs lie. But because I want to be with my son everyday. I told her we could try to crawl for a year or so. And if she wants to date other people that fine but she has to learn to be completely honest about EVERYTHING. And that we have to decide when enough is enough and cant tell the other person when the edge is coming cos thats when lies will come into play. Honestly isnt a downfall of me. Ive been told Im to honest many times. If "lil me" goes on a adventure I'll tell her. She's continued to call non stop since I dropped the boy off yesterday. Granted there was some bad storms last night and she's living in a trailor court and I was calling her to. But she's called 3 times today just to talk.

I know better than most its easy to listen and give advice than its to actualy take and apply it. But Im asking anyways. What would you do?

J.

Sorry about the long winded post just had to get this off my chest.

[GlockMeister]

Is he your kid? You know this beyond a shadow of any doubt? I been through it. Mine refused to let me see my son. Played every card she could. Even the he's not my son card. My name was also on the birth certificate. She even went to the courthouse and tried to remove it without permission or a court order, Thankfully they caught her.

To make it short, the son I last saw when he was 1 1/2 yrs. old called me out of the blue about 2 months ago. Got to meet him once so far. He's made some good and some really bad decisions. I can see his mothers influence on the bad ones.
Talk to me. I can give you advice from the experience. If you want.

And if your knows he's your son, no doubting it, then be friendly to her for him. But if she's shafted you in the past, she'll do it again. So only be friendly to her for him and if you can, avoid the realationship. Because, just a matter of her feeling something better has come along and a repeat could happen. Get your rights established in case something does happen. Pay support, if you know he is yours. DO NOT PAY IT IN CASH. She can get mad and say you never gave her anything, if you pay cash make her sign a receipt before you give it to her. Trust me, this is experience talking. I wish I'd of had it. Not only did she shaft me, so did my lawyer. He didn't bother to tell me he was up the a job in the counties child support division where my case was at. Didn't really work all that hard for me as I found out a little to late.If you know for sure he's yours. As I said, LMK and I can tell you from experience. My sons mother is a real snake in the grass though..

G-Meister

[PrivateSnuffy]

if this were me, honestly, i would do anything for my son. I don't have a child, but at least being an uncle has showed me that you have to put the child first, no matter what situation. My dad and mom were divorced, and I can tell my dad busted his hump to raise us, so I really respected him.

[CalifgirlinOk]

PistolCity-She will do it AGAIN to you.Just take care of your son and as GlockMeister said-DON'T PAY IN CASH-you need to pay with a check or money order because if you don't it will come back and bite you in the a&& one of these days.

When my son was small he would go to his fathers house for his visits and he didn't keep up with his child support at all.But I never kept my son from him,it was between us, not him and us.It was hard to raise him financially but I did it somehow.I met a good man who has helped me raise him from 12 years old-18 and he turned out be a wonderful adult.Just keep you child support up to date and be there for him if he needs you.That is the most inportant thing about being a parent.Good luck!!!!!

[Windwalker]

You have been given some very good advice here. You might discuss with your lawyer having your child support paid directly to the court which protects you by preventing her saying she didn't receive it. Good luck to you.

[Seabeescotty]

Do what you need to for your son, and see him as much as possible. these are the formative years, and he needs his father to be there for him. From personal experience, once it's done, it's over, and you can't go back. It will only hurt you more. Make up your mind, and keep a civil atmosphere, for your son and you, but shy away from suggestions to get back together. The second time around is worse than the first.

[Dookiebutt]

Get all of the legal stuff done now while she likes you. Her good attitude won't last forever, but the court orders of visitation will (sort of). Make sure all support goes through the agency/county. It will come right out of your pay. If you have any doubts about the child being yours, spend a few bucks for private DNA testing. It is much cheaper than 5 years ago, non-invasive, and fast. Generally, the same company doing it for the court does it for private parties, just cheaper and faster. Keep a civil relationship with the mother. You are going to be around her in some fashion for the rest of your life. Good luck.

[Cyrano]

As far as paying child support goes: check and see if her state of residence has a protocol (some states do) for sending a check to Human Services or whatever government agency deals with making sure custodial parents are paid the child support the kid is entitled to by the non-custodial parent. If such a protocol exists, send the check to them and they will forward it to her. NEVER pay in cash!

This provides a record that you have in fact paid and prevents you from being hauled into court by the ex alleging you owe her X months back child support. My ex pulled this stunt on me and I am still trying to get the agency in the state she moved to to accept the canceled checks clearly marked "[month/year] child support pymt" as proof she was paid. The state's attitude is that I gave her a GIFT for six months (can't these bozos read, for heaven's sake?) until I did what I described above. As you might guess, I balk at the idea of paying her twice when I have proof I paid her the first time.

[racdrof]

Sounds like a lot of good advice here. I've been there to. My 2nd ex wife started dating a guy going to school to be a preacher, he was married to. Allways have proof of child support payment. Like Cyrano said, through a Human Service agency, or have it taken out of your check every week. It will show on your check stub "Child Support Payment". The DNA thing is good also, this will prove if your the father or not (My ex said the same thing to me, he's to much like me to be anybody else's). And if it shows your not the father, then you still need to be a DAD. This little feller didn't ask for this, so you need to be there for him and be the DAD. You'll get your reward later on down the road. They cheat once, they'll cheat again. Hang in there, it will get better. I have 2 grandson's and a granddaughter. That's 4 arrows in my quiver.

[PistolCity]

Originally Posted by Seabeescotty

Do what you need to for your son, and see him as much as possible. these are the formative years, and he needs his father to be there for him. From personal experience, once it's done, it's over, and you can't go back. It will only hurt you more. Make up your mind, and keep a civil atmosphere, for your son and you, but shy away from suggestions to get back together. The second time around is worse than the first.

2nd time? I wish it was just the 2nd time. About the 5th. If I really wanted her back right now I could do it easy. Go to wally world find this girl I use to work with. Ask her to stop by and then call the ex and tell her its really important that she comes over. See she wants to be able to go out and do what all her "friends" do and at 21 we all know what that is and what happens in those situations. But she cannot stand seeing me with another girl. She did once, when she knew she was pregant. I already suspect, part of being a horny lil toad is you start noticing what time of the month you aint getting any. And 3 months had come and goen with no down time. But anyways after she left I started seeing someone else. She called one day saying she needed to get something she left behind and I told her come on over but I got company. I swear it looked like she was cryin when she left. Didnt take long before she was wanting to get back together and once we found out for shure about the boy I went back.

I think part of the problem is like most of you have said is parental influence. Now Ive got to be there for my son. Because she's headed down the same road as her mama. She doesnt know her daddy, and her mama has been with about 15 guys in the nearly 4 years we've been together. I think what the ex is honestly hoping is that I stay faithfull and single while she goes out and has her fun and can come back with a clean concense. Once she gets that out of her system Im her safty blanket. But Im 30 years old and I want another kid so it aint happening that way.

[hawkeye_gunner]

How old his your son? Is he old enough to understand whats going on?

If she calls you that many times a day, what are the conversations about? If she keeps calling you this much, even when your son is with her, she definitely may want a bigger relationship.

[PistolCity]

Originally Posted by hawkeye_gunner

How old his your son? Is he old enough to understand whats going on?

If she calls you that many times a day, what are the conversations about? If she keeps calling you this much, even when your son is with her, she definitely may want a bigger relationship.

The boy will be 2 friday, and Id agree with you about the later part. But dang it man....so much crap she just left 2 weeks ago. I think she does but she cant let go of anything. Including way to many guy friends. Which wouldnt be so bad but they only want to be around when Im not. Sound like a "friend" to you? Not me, Ive bagged ALOT of botty being the shoulder to cry on. I was a whore and I learned the game, played it well. But she's convinced they are friends. I was good enough at being a male slut that you could almost say I offered a apprenticeship. Taught alot of people how to and how not to, score.

[GlockMeister]

Pistol, I have been through exactly what you are in right now and about to go through for at least the next 16 years, if he's going on 2 as you said. I CAN AND AM VERY WILLING TO HELP YOU! I however don't want to waste the time if you do not want my help or you won't heed the advice. I hate the thought of any father going through what I did, I hate the thought of any child being used as a pawn by the mother, of a child stuck in the middle and any child not getting the best possible chance to know his father.


If you'd like my help, reply and tell me. Dude, trust me, I HAVE BEEN THERE. Just LMK.

G-Meister