SEVEN REASONS TO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK
>
> 1. CURL UP AND DIE...I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
> three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a
> shampoo and a blow job?"
>
> - Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin TX
>
> 2. PAD PLEASE.......... An insurance man visited me at home to talk
> about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and
> figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my
> 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me
> a Kotex right in front of our guest.
>
> - Kate Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
>
> 3. HO, HO, HO............. I was taking a shower when my 2 year old
> son came intnto the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper.
> Although he made amess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera
> and took a few shots.They came out so well that I had copies made and
> included one with each ofour Christmas cards. Days later, a relative
> called about the picture,laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take
> a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to
> discover that in addition to my son,I had captured my reflection in
> the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!
>
> - Name Withheld
>
> 4. LADY GOLFER................ I was at the golf store comparing
> different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I
> had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached
> by one of the good looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if
he
> could help
> me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like
> playing with men's balls."
>
> - Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
>
> 5. NUTS ABOUT YOU............My sister and I were at the mall and
> passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at
> the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any
> help. I replied,
>
> "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
> hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet red and walked away.
> To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
>
> - Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
>
> 6. PRICELESS.............A lady picked up several items at a discount
> store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one
> of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the
> checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to
> hear," PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was
> bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently
> misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like
> tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND
> YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
>
> 7. MOM'S ADVICE......... A teacher noticed that a little boy at the
> back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and
> not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He
> was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been
> circumcised
> and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the
> principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he
> should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly,
> there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to
> investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis
> hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your Mom." she
> screamed. "I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it
> out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."
>
Very funny 
