 Understanding TODAY's Stock Market -Definitions
Understanding TODAY's Stock Market -Definitions
Understanding The Market
Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E Ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
Standard & Poor - Your life in a nutshell.
Stock Analyst - The idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock Split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets between themselves.
Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market Correction - The day after you buy your stocks.
Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before email.
Day Trader - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
CSCO - Sidekick of Pancho. ( Now you have to be over 50 for this one.)
Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker at $240 per share.
Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
Institutional Investor - Past-years' investor who is now locked up in the nuthouse.
Profit - Religious guy who talks to God. (So true.)
Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.
Allen Greenspan - God. ( Amen.)
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