And The Arrogant Bass Player Said, “You Shall Have No Other Bill Wymans Before Me”
Bonehead award one goes to arrogant Bill Wyman, the former bassist for the Rolling Stones, for threatening legal action against another Bill Wyman, this one being a writer for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, for having the audacity to use his own name, the same name, Bill Wyman, as the author of his own articles. I kid you not. The world isn’t big enough for two Bill Wymans according to the bass player.
The former Rolling Stone bassist is demanding that the other Wyman no longer use his own name unless he writes into each and every article a disclaimer that he is not the former bassist of the Rolling Stones. Like anybody really cares.
Want more? “Bill Wyman” isn’t even the real name of the bass player. It’s Lee Whyman.
In a related story, Bozo The Clown has announced that, for now on, “to avoid understandable and continuing confusion,” he will announce at the beginning of all his appearances that he is not, in fact, the former bassist for the Rolling Stones.
FindLaw.com 17-Nov-02
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Get It Straight. There Are No Whales In Michigan. But There Are Apparently Turkeys In Utah
Bonehead award two goes to Utah-based Studies Weekly, Inc. which publishes an “educational” newsletter distributed to some 1.2 million third through sixth graders in the United States, for an article stating that “Every spring, the freshwater whales and freshwater dolphins begin their 1,300-mile migration from Hudson Bay to the warmer waters of Lake Michigan.”
When Michigan teacher, Deb Harris, called them to tell them there are no whales, and never have been any whales, in Lake Michigan, an editor argued with her claiming that they had seen this information at some random website somewhere and therefore it had to be true.
Eventually Studies Weekly, Inc. posted a retraction at their own website.
CNN 16-Nov-02
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You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
Bonehead award three goes to a Washington man who captured a wild rattlesnake in the Arizona desert a few weeks earlier and who is now in serious condition in the hospital from being bit on the lip by the snake while he was trying to give it a kiss while showing off to several bare foot house guests which included children.
KGW Channel 8 (Oregon and SW Washington) 18-Nov-02
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Don’t Know Who Is The Hairiest But They Both Are Definitely The Biggest
Bonehead award four goes to two “friends” who got into a fight over who had the hairiest butt which led to violence when one of the men slashed the other with a knife.
WKMG Channel 6 (Florida) 15-Nov-02
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Thank You, British government
Bonehead award five, a “government as good as it gets” bonehead award, goes to the British government for their plans to put up posters around Britain advising civilians that in case of poison gas attack that they should hold their breath and run away.
Today We Bestow Five!! Bonehead Awards 
