$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to
me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and
something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed
the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to
grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest
thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give
you the senior citizen discount."
I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of
change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said
cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet?" A
mere child! Senior citizen?
I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was
wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began
to boil. Old? Me?
I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside.
I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.
Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in
front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now?
A toddler?
"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with
utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind.
"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to
anyone!"
I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the
ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and
tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple
beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads
hanging from my rearview mirror.
Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back
seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially
eaten doughnut on the dashboard.
Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien
vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot,
relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.
That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger!
My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito,
only it was nowhere to be found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into
the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and
black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming
to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?"
At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my
vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security
benefits.
Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a
young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He
was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think
you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink
from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.
She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff
like this all the time."
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes,
I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.. And no, I told the
officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the
hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I
promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.
The good news was I had successfully found my way home.
The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1991.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
The CD was introduced two years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable..
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been microwaved.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 'I'd walk a mile for a Camel
', or 'de plane Boss, de plane'.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.
Notice the larger type?
That's for those of us who have trouble reading.
P.S. Save the earth.. It's the only planet with chocolate.
Well, thats not totally true. My parents did have me watch JAWS with my brother when we were younger. We were in Florida in a condo on the beach when we watched it... So, I did do a lot of thinking about JAWS when I was swimming in the ocean...
Other than that, I don't know how to use a type writer and yes, Jay Leno has always been on the tonight show!
__________________ Well done is better than well said - Benjamin Franklin
I guess I'm old (by punk standards) and I don't understand theses emo kids. and my Idea of a wild night now is a Mocha + double esspresso and half a pack of ciggies.
__________________ A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it an appearance of being right-Thomas Paine
