More Humour In Uniform

taras · 03-29-2002, 12:53 AM

Glad you liked the first ones Dale, I got a few more.
A young Private requests a leave. When asked why he needs one, he says his wife is going to have a baby. "Well good for you, when is the baby due?" He's asked. "I am hoping for about 9 months after my leave sir"

I was riding in a cab with quite an elderly driver, and Winnipegs streets were as icy as I have ever seen them. As the cab spun and swerved, I braced myself and looked a mite scared. "You ain't got no reason to worry son, I spent 18 months in a hospital over seas during the war, and I'm not going back to one now" he said. I hope you weren't wounded too badly I said. "Nope" he replied, "it was a mental hospital"

A young ensign was very insistent he be given leave as his wife was about to give birth. The CO's response, "Listen you are only necessary at the laying of the keel, for the launching, you are entirely superflous."

Asore-keeper tired of his job and decided on being a policeman.Several months later a friend asked how he liked his new job. " Well the hours are lousy and the pay ain't so great but the thing I like best is now the customer is always WRONG!"

Two men worked side by side in the War Production Board, but rarely spoke. One man was always done and had his desk cleared promptly @ 4:30. The other often had work to do 'til 6:00 or later. One day the hard worker asked the other fella how he managed to clean up his work so quickly. He said"whenever I come across a tough piece detail, and when papers come late I just mark it ""refer to Commander Smith"", I figure in an outfit this large, there have to be one, I must be right as none of the papers ever come back to me." The hard worker replied "brother prepare for action, 'cuz I am Commander Smith!"

Aavishing young lady in a too short mini-skirt noticed a learing man following her. She tried crossing the street, and turning a few corners, yet he still continued. Happening across beat cop she said "officer, that man is following me" The cop looked @ the man then gazed upon the pretty lady and said, "Madam if I were not on duty I would follow you too."

All for now hope ya get a chuckle.

Alan · 03-29-2002, 02:58 AM

While on duty in south east asia I was sitting in a houch after chow dirinking a beer and minding my own bussiness when a young airman can walking down the path to get to his houch, A old master sargent yelled at the airman wheres your hat and the airman said its in my pocket, the sargent yelled back at the airman well why don't you have it on your head, the airman yelled back at he sargent, because I can't get my head in my pocket. I thought that evey one in the area was about to split a gut laughing at that and seeing the master sargent come running over to chew out the airman What a sight.. True story by the way. Summer of 71 camron bay.

Dale · 03-29-2002, 09:17 AM

Oh, my Gawd...my side is killing me......great ones guys.....love to laugh early in the morning. It makes a great starter for the day, doesn't it?

Big Dog · 03-29-2002, 11:23 AM

On my little frigate, the new Captain quickly got to know the odd sense of humour of the ET/EW shop. Hanging a bolt on a string, not quite touching the opposite bulkhead in the passageway between us and Officer Country. (We had a big magnet on the other side, out of sight). That drove some young Ensigns crazy.
The Captain would come into our space late at night, and see four of us playing Risk, me in my Aussie bush hat, Audie in his fright wig, Rob in his steel pot and Arnie in the Senior Chief's cover. He'd just shake his head, mutter "ET's!" and walk on.
The day we ran the rubber chicken up with the signal flags was a bit much, though. The Coasties in the cutter alongside loved it.

03-29-2002, 12:53 AM	#1
taras Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Apt.402-24 Carlton st. Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. R3C 1P1 Posts: 403	More Humour In Uniform Glad you liked the first ones Dale, I got a few more. A young Private requests a leave. When asked why he needs one, he says his wife is going to have a baby. "Well good for you, when is the baby due?" He's asked. "I am hoping for about 9 months after my leave sir" I was riding in a cab with quite an elderly driver, and Winnipegs streets were as icy as I have ever seen them. As the cab spun and swerved, I braced myself and looked a mite scared. "You ain't got no reason to worry son, I spent 18 months in a hospital over seas during the war, and I'm not going back to one now" he said. I hope you weren't wounded too badly I said. "Nope" he replied, "it was a mental hospital" A young ensign was very insistent he be given leave as his wife was about to give birth. The CO's response, "Listen you are only necessary at the laying of the keel, for the launching, you are entirely superflous." Asore-keeper tired of his job and decided on being a policeman.Several months later a friend asked how he liked his new job. " Well the hours are lousy and the pay ain't so great but the thing I like best is now the customer is always WRONG!" Two men worked side by side in the War Production Board, but rarely spoke. One man was always done and had his desk cleared promptly @ 4:30. The other often had work to do 'til 6:00 or later. One day the hard worker asked the other fella how he managed to clean up his work so quickly. He said"whenever I come across a tough piece detail, and when papers come late I just mark it ""refer to Commander Smith"", I figure in an outfit this large, there have to be one, I must be right as none of the papers ever come back to me." The hard worker replied "brother prepare for action, 'cuz I am Commander Smith!" Aavishing young lady in a too short mini-skirt noticed a learing man following her. She tried crossing the street, and turning a few corners, yet he still continued. Happening across beat cop she said "officer, that man is following me" The cop looked @ the man then gazed upon the pretty lady and said, "Madam if I were not on duty I would follow you too." All for now hope ya get a chuckle. __________________ If ya don't vote, don't ***** !!!

03-29-2002, 09:17 AM	#3
Dale Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Too Dang Hot, Arizona Posts: 4,284	Oh, my Gawd...my side is killing me......great ones guys.....love to laugh early in the morning. It makes a great starter for the day, doesn't it? __________________ "It confuses me how some people can vigorously go against the 2nd. Amendment and still call themselves patriotic"-me

03-29-2002, 11:23 AM	#4
Big Dog Moderator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Tallahassee, Florida Posts: 10,421	On my little frigate, the new Captain quickly got to know the odd sense of humour of the ET/EW shop. Hanging a bolt on a string, not quite touching the opposite bulkhead in the passageway between us and Officer Country. (We had a big magnet on the other side, out of sight). That drove some young Ensigns crazy. The Captain would come into our space late at night, and see four of us playing Risk, me in my Aussie bush hat, Audie in his fright wig, Rob in his steel pot and Arnie in the Senior Chief's cover. He'd just shake his head, mutter "ET's!" and walk on. The day we ran the rubber chicken up with the signal flags was a bit much, though. The Coasties in the cutter alongside loved it. __________________ Moderator of: AR15/M16, M14/M1A, New/Beginning Shooters and Militaria/Collectables.

03-29-2002, 02:58 AM	#2
Alan Registered User Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Nebraska Posts: 11	While on duty in south east asia I was sitting in a houch after chow dirinking a beer and minding my own bussiness when a young airman can walking down the path to get to his houch, A old master sargent yelled at the airman wheres your hat and the airman said its in my pocket, the sargent yelled back at the airman well why don't you have it on your head, the airman yelled back at he sargent, because I can't get my head in my pocket. I thought that evey one in the area was about to split a gut laughing at that and seeing the master sargent come running over to chew out the airman What a sight.. True story by the way. Summer of 71 camron bay.