120 Ways Barney Should Die

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, Oct 15, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips Guest

    My Faviorate

    112. Paint "Branch Dividian & Proud of it" and drop him off at the BATF hq.

    120 ways Barney should die

    1. Nitroglycerin suppository
    2. My First (and Last) Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
    3. Paper cuts from hate mail
    4. Wine press
    5. Random act of terrorism
    6. Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane,
    acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
    7. Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
    8. Exploding gas barbeque
    9. Date with Lorana Bobbit / Tonya Harding
    10. Rusty meat hook
    11. Pulp digester / Saw mill
    12. Sexually transmitted disease
    13. Lethal injestion of bean sprouts and tofu
    14. Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
    15. Barney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...BARNEY!".
    16. Exploding school bus
    17. Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney loves to spread
    love and happiness to all of the carnivores.
    18. Children's Tylenol laced with cyanide
    19. Sacrifice to a tribal god
    20. Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
    21. Trampling by thousands of tiny spongie feet
    22. Asphyxiation on a twinkie
    23. Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck (with static line?)
    24. 1000 RPM merry-go-round
    25. Building sandcastles in a quicksand box
    26. Dragged behind a school bus on a gravel road
    27. Tail caught in elevator doors
    28. Legalization of purple slavery
    29. Home lobotomy kit
    30. Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid (e.g.
    nitric, chromic, hydrofluoric, sulfuric, or hydrochloric)
    31. Add crushed glass to his granola or high fiber cereal.
    32. Thrown in a vat of bleach. (White Barney could become a symbol for
    white supremacy)
    33. Close encounter with a white supremist.
    34. Sucked into a turbo-prop engine (a jet would be more fun. 'after burners?'
    35. Submerged into a CANDU reactor
    36. Swarmed by killer bees
    37. Purple parasites
    38. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel (or is he the
    ring leader in disguise)
    39. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Barney chow)
    40. Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.
    41. Assimilation by the Borg.
    42. Acupuncture with a nail gun
    43. Force fed pure sugar and caffeine until he explodes.
    43. Barney meets Mr. Chainsaw
    44. Hit and run at a school crossing
    45. Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven.
    46. Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition!
    47. Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during reentry.
    48. Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens
    49. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife.
    50. Harpooned by a whaling ship
    51. Dipped in liquid nitrogen, and "accidentally" pummeled with a
    baseball bat (guess they found the glass transition temperature).
    52. Served as Thanksgiving dinner (not at my house thank you)
    53. Eaten by the homeless (Barney pate anyone?)
    54. OOPS! Barney shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full.
    55. Mistaken for a Piñata
    56. Run over by a zamboni
    57. "I love you" song triggers avalanche.
    58. "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train.
    59. Nuclear warhead explodes at ground BARNEY. (finally a way to
    dispose of our nuclear arsenal)
    60. Scientific experiments on BARNEY sublimation temperature.
    61. Crushed between plates in a fault line. (Its San Andreas's fault)
    62. Blended into McBarney shakes, and pressed into McBarney patties
    (would you like McFries with that?)
    63. Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile strength of Barney?
    64. Used as a crash test dummy. Listen up boys and girls. This is what
    can happen to you if you don't wear your seatbelt.
    65. Barney becomes one with Oscar Myer.
    66. Barney used as shark bait.
    67. Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study.
    68. Used in a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu Knives. Even after cutting
    this tin can, the ginsu knives rip through purple flesh with ease.
    69. Diplomatic mission with Klingons
    70. Deep sea diving in a locked steamer trunk.
    71. Nato air strike.
    72. Live organ donor.
    73. Egyptian mummification ritual.
    74. Plummet into an active volcano. (Dante didn't work!!)
    75. Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants.
    76. Conversion to sugar glazed junk food.
    77. Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer.
    78. Pilgrimage to the Holy land.
    79. Purple Jonestown reagent.
    80. Visit to the taxidermist.
    81. Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter.
    82. Take him off Prozac. (Just goes to show Prozac is evil)
    83. Forced to watch "The Wall" video without his happy pills.
    84. 100 hours of continuous "Black Sabbath".
    85. Give him a lead role in a snuff film.
    86. Tar and feathered by crazed parents.
    87. Spontaneous combustion.
    88. Bludgeoned to purple paste.
    89. Compressed to a singularity.
    90. Bent, folded and mutilated by Canada Post.
    91. Send him to a Bill's game dressed as a Miami Dolphin.
    92. The plague
    93. Extruded through microcapilliaries.
    94. Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson.
    95. Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop.
    97. Pre-mortem autopsy reveals that Barney's head is full of worms.
    98. Massage with a stun gun.
    99. Heat pasteurization.
    100. Barney stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie.
    101. Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank.
    102. Barney meets Elmira (I'm gonna hug him and squeeze him to itty bitty
    103. Put Barney in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT.
    104. Put Barney in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold shirt.
    105. Make him the drummer of Spinal Tap.
    106. Use him as a zap-o-matic target.
    107. Paint him green & give him to Gallager for his Sledge-o-matic.
    108. Paint him green & give him to David Letterman for a 10 story drop.
    109. Confine him with Marvin the depressed Android (Douglus Adams).
    110. Put a horse collar on him and abandon him on alt.sex.beastiality.
    (He all ready has the news group netnews.alt.sex.beastiality.barney)
    111. Stick him in a car with Ted Kennedy near a bridge.
    112. Paint "Branch Dividian & Proud of it" and drop him off at the BATF hq.
    113. Put him on a blind date with Lorena Bobbit AFTER she gets her new set
    of Ginsu(tm) knives.
    114. Barney scrapple.
    115. Bury him next to Jimmy Hoffa.
    116. Tell Tipper Gore he sings on how to masturbate.
    117. Recreate the Challenger accident with Barney playing substitute teacher.
    118. Use Barney as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases.
    119. Put him in Mr. MacDonald's Blue Bio class.
    120. Let Barney Sing "I Luv You" to a group of gay Armadillos

    NRAJOE YOU TALKIN' TO ME!? Forum Contributor

    I like a woodchipper myself...purple everywhere..just like in "Fargo"!

  3. MarkII 22

    MarkII 22 Guest

    YEP all of them sound good:D :target: :target: :D