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2 dozen Male Commandments

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, Jun 1, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips G&G Newbie

    2 dozen Male Commandments

    Thou shalt not rent Sleepless in Seattle.

    When on a fishing trip with the guys, never, no matter how sunburned you and your buds may be ... is it NOT appropriate to rub sunscreen on each other's backs.

    If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem--you didn't see nothin'.

    Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

    When in need to go pee, there is a minimum of one empty urinal between you and another man. If this is not possible, you're out of luck ---- hold it 'til later.

    You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call you on it. (Exception : When trying to pick-up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%).

    Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

    The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late : five minutes. Maximum waiting time: six minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

    Things that you can always cheat on : your taxes, the SAT's, and your resume. Things you can never cheat on : golf, darts, poker.

    On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines the pit stops, not the weakest.

    Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

    Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail out a friend within 12 hours.

    No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact even remembering your best buddy's birthday is strictly optional).

    You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if you secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

    If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

    Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

    When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress; but you may never ask who's playing.

    It is permissible to order a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model ... and it's free.

    Only in a situation of mortal peril are you allowed to kick another member of the male species in the "family jewels."

    Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible "I recognize you" nod is all the conversation you need.

    A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to do her.

    Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.