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21 Things Not To Do At A Hostage Negotiation

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, Aug 14, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips G&G Newbie

    21 Things Not To Do At A Hostage Negotiation

    As Hostage Taker:

    1. Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana
    Scully.

    2. Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick
    trip to the bathroom.

    3. Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn't return,
    send the others to see what's taking him so long.

    4. Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make your
    demands.

    5. Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through
    the door, then remember that you forgot to lock your car and
    leave the room.

    6. Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with
    your garage door opener.

    7. Tell the negotiator that you'd rather choke on tear gas than
    let the hostages go.

    8. Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun
    because of a rock paper scissors tournament.

    9. Run away bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls
    you a "meanie".

    10. Ask the negotiator to tell your fiancee that this is all a
    joke and would she marry you.

    As Negotiator:

    1. Ask the hostage taker if he/she would like to go to dinner
    after the stand-off.

    2. When hearing the demands suddenly yell into the phone, "It's
    always you you you! What about my needs?!"

    3. When you call the hostage taker, tell him you'd like a large
    thick crust pepperoni and snicker loudly.

    4. Show up stoned and don't do anything at all.

    5. When the hostage taker lists his demands yell into the phone
    "La la la la! I can't hear you!"

    6. Mention how much income tax the hostage taker will have to
    pay if he/she gets the F-15 he/she wants.

    7. Tell the hostage take that you think Rosanne Barr should play
    him in the TV movie of the stand-off.

    8. Tell the hostage taker you think it would be really cool if a
    hostage came flying out of a 52nd story window.

    9. Tell the hostage taker that he must convert to Hindu if he
    wants you to deal with him.

    10. When the hostage taker agrees to let the hostages go tell
    him, "You're never gonna be on COPS with a wussy attitude
    like that."