The wealthy old gentleman and his wife were celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary and their three grown sons joined them for dinner. The old man was rather irritated when he discovered none of the boys had bothered to bring a gift. After the meal, the waiter brought the check and none offered to pay even a part of it. As they were leaving, the old man drew them aside. "You're all grown men," he said, "and old enough to hear this. Your mother and I have never been legally married." "What?" gasped one of the sons. "Do you mean to say we're all *******s?" "Yes," snapped the old man, "and cheap ones, too!"