And now for the important news . . . 2

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, Jun 25, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips Guest

    And now for the important news . . .

    HOLLYWOOD -- God bless America, and hows everybody?

    The University of Arkansas announced its political science department will offer a course on the life and presidency of Bill Clinton. What a great idea. It will be the first college course in history that offers extra credit for cheating.

    President Bush ordered White House employees to join him in the President's Fitness Challenge Run and Walk on Saturday. He urged Americans to exercise to improve their health. He's always trying to point out to Dick Cheney that smart isn't everything.

    MIT reports an asteroid the size of a football field barely missed the Earth two weeks ago. What a close call. Los Angeles came within 40,000 miles of getting a new NFL stadium without having to file an environmental impact report.

    The Los Angeles Times said "Love American Style" producer Bill D'Angelo passed away at age 70 on Sunday. He produced three ABC-TV hits in the 1970s. That was back in the days when you could shoot a pilot and brag about it over the phone.

    Steve Fossett flew over the Pacific on Sunday in his attempted flight around the world in a balloon. It's powered by hot air, it costs millions, it accomplishes nothing, and he always has to start over every two years. It works on the same principle as Congress.

    The Homeland Security Department proposal will begin working its way through Congress this week. However, it won't lay a hand on the CIA or the FBI. The Supreme Court just ruled it is unconstitutional to execute the mentally challenged.

    The White House acknowledged an order was issued for the overthrow of Saddam Hussein. The debate is over. No one wants to say that military action is imminent, but this morning Martha Stewart sold all her stock in Baghdad Light and Electric.

    The FBI said Friday that reports about a terrorist attack on Las Vegas aren't credible. Don't be too sure. The Nevada Boxing Commission would grant Osama bin Laden and Rudy Giuliani a rematch if they promised to behave at the press conference.

    Al-Qaida spokesman Sulaiman Abu Ghaith said Osama bin Laden is alive and well and plotting to hit new American targets. We don't scare that easily. Every week, Bud Selig threatens to eliminate Minneapolis and Montreal and they're leading their divisions.

    Yasser Arafat told a newspaper Friday he's willing to accept the Bill Clinton Peace Plan offered in December 2000. The deal's almost done. Republicans agreed to sign on if the plan can be renamed after somebody less objectionable, say, Satan.

    Zacarias Moussaoui's mother told Larry King Sunday that every day her son wakes up in prison and prays for the destruction of America. She said he's good, and she's right. So far, four states are on fire, two are under water, and an asteroid just missed us.

    FBI laboratory scientists said Sunday they have determined that the anthrax mailed to Senate offices last fall was fresh. They say it's only 2 years old. If the stuff is two years old and it's still fresh, it's not anthrax, it's Velveeta.

    :p :p
  2. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    Where's all the new jokes?

    Doglips: Now that's the kind of news that I'd enjoy every day. Veeerrryyyy fny!

    By the way...we're getting behind on submitting jokes. What's happening? Myself...I've been too busy recently (and I'm supposed to be retired) to look for something worthwhile to put on g&